Hello everybody. I've been a fan of Sega Racing games (Daytona USA 1/2, Scud Race, OutRun 1/2, Sega Rally, Crazy Taxi, Virtua Racing, etc.) ever since I first played Daytona USA 2 in the arcade around 2002. I like them and try to promote them as much as I can. Let everyone know about the magic that is Sega Racing Games!!!
This is as brief a post as possible since I'm tired and not in a very witty mood.
So there's Aliens: Colonial Marines. Everyone knows that was one of Sega's babies. Everyone knows Sega blew seven years of time & resources on it. Everyone knows that it sucks. And now everyone knows that Gearbox basically shifted resources from Aliens to other projects, particularly Borderlands and (get ready for it) Duke Nukem Forever. This is a great link to read--here's the "anonymous" Sega employee at it again but unlike Zach Morris, this guy actually seems credible. And even more Sega & Gearbox employees are confirming the same thing. Apparently all those layoffs and the TimeGate outsourcing confirm that there was foul play here. Oh, and before you say Sega should sue, apparently they can't because Gearbox basically met the contract and Sega just made a stupid mistake and LET 'EM OFF THE HOOK!!!
It just eats me up on the inside cause you look at it, here's Borderlands (a game I'm indifferent towards) which everyone gushes over "OMG GEARBOX AND 2K, SO AWESOME!!!" And Sega money basically contributed to it. But does Sega get anything from Borderlands's success? No. What a piece of crap.
And Gearbox CEO Randy Pitchford reminds me of Tim Tebow. Tebow's a pretty cool guy but Randy's a dick. I even saw a few job opportunities pop up at Gearbox during my tenure at grad school and there was a slight chance I would've gone but no--they suck, I wouldn't deal with Gearbox ever again. Again, I hope Sega gets their head out of their ass and does a better job at publishing games where the developers don't wander off like idiots.
And then tomorrow is the Daytona 500. You know I'm not at the race (I'm still at home in Slidell, Louisiana) and and I sure as heck am not going to drive straight there and buy scalped tickets outside the front door or hang on the outside fence Reese Bobby style, like this:
Well if it isn't your mangy, transient grand-daddy...
No, this isn't Final Destination, this is real. At least the friggin grandstands don't topple to the ground!
Chris Graythen from Getty Images with the IMPRESSIVE photograph.
"HOLY SHIT!" indeed...pieces of debris as well as a tire from the wrecked #32 car flew through & over the fence on the final lap and injured 28 people (one in critical condition). Literally, a 50-pounded shredded tire was on the seat right next to the guy (they're super hot, don't touch 'em). Where I sat and took pics at the last two Daytona races (see here and here) was awfully close to where that tire ended up. I was closer to the pit row entrance. Either way, geez, it makes you think...
Now, this isn't even close to the biggest auto racing accident in history (that would be the 1955 Le Mans where 83 people died and 120 were injured, DAMN!!). But this just cements one thing for me again and that is....I can't take seeing these wrecks lightly anymore. I like cars and I know that wrecks are part of the sport but when you got people living in fear of fluke wrecks and debris destroying property and huring innocent people, I can't stand it. Why I don't like these Burnout games and stuff. And I know some people are saying "well you go to the race so you're taking a chance." You wanna see a chance, look at those guys at the rally races which are within a few feet from a car slipping around on dirt. Here, you're sitting back a couple of rows from a giant tire to fly right at their head. Bits of debris and smoke, yeah, but heavy objects, no.
Had I been at the Daytona 500 tomorrow, I would've brought another Sega sign and waved it, but there's the chance they could lockdown on keeping people away from the fence which sucks. So maybe I wouldn't have taken the pic anyway. Just tragic all around this kind of stuff, NASCAR is getting more disappointing to watch. :(
If there's one thing about ComicCon that I'm slightly interested in, it's the cosplaying (no, not for the hundred Slave Leias...sheesus). I mean, just pick a pop culture icon and there you go. I know some people find cosplaying nerdy and stupid, but I dunno...give 'em a break. Better that than sitting at home playing World of Warcraft.
But I swear to God, I really REALLY REALLY want to see some people go to ComicCon (or any of these lame-o conventions, but you'll get the most face-time there) cosplaying as Alberto, the two girlfriends, and the Flagman from OutRun 2. I'm almost willing to PAY someone to do it. And it has to look good too. I'm serious about this cause I'm sick and tired of the media attention that everything else gets. Go there and piss off all the little Nintendo/Star Wars cosplayers, make then wonder "Who are you supposed to be????" and then be like "BAM, OutRun 2 guy, b****es." Besides, with two babes, you'll look like a pimp, can't go wrong with that.
And for the record, I don't resemble Alberto or the Flagman so don't urge me to do it instead. Besides, where am I gonna get the two girls?
Of course, with OutRun 2 reaching 8-years-old, it is becoming increasingly irrelevant... Still gotta do it anyway FOR SEGA JUSTICE. EDIT: Even Shenmue, Crazy Taxi, Jet Set Radio, anything Sega related is good. Geez...at least Duke Nukem cosplays will do for me in the meantime. Also would be cool to see the Seinfeld crew, Old Spice Guy, and the Most Interesting Man in the World.
Right now, I'm experiencing a lot of mental fatigue and I'm downloading this new Black Ops map pack so we'll see what that's like soon.
But first, the Supreme Court case. So video games are an art form that are no longer persecuted by the government. Or M-rated games can now be sold to minors in the state of California...I really don't understand what was the big deal by this...an EPIC WIN for gamers everywhere despite the fact we have much worse problems like the economy, the massive deficit, wars in the Middle East, etc. Aren't kids already prohibited from buying M-rated games (in my state of Louisiana anyway)? And so what--kids are always playing M-rated games like Call of Duty and Halo so it's not like their minds haven't been "infected" already. Just get mommy and daddy to buy the games, problem solved...
I don't think the government should dictate what games can and cannot be made (yes, even Burnout). Although this doesn't mean I don't frown upon ultra-violent/sexualized/other-questionable-material games (uh, Duke Nukem? Rofl, well that's the Duke, that gets a pass...). Happy games only...
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Oh, and right now, I'm checking my blog stats (don't worry, I'm not whoring hit counts here) and I see that I'm getting an abnormal amount of hits on my Cars 2 blog post, look at this:
For no reason at all, I'm getting an assload of Google Image views for one picture...this one. Originally, I copied the url from the third-party website, then uploaded it to my blog, then removed it altogether. I'M STILL GETTING HITS FOR A PICTURE I REMOVED FROM MY BLOG POST ALTOGETHER.
You might say, "Look at you! You're getting tons of hits, you should be happy!" Really, now how many people going through Google Image Search are going to stop and read what I have to say? I'm going to try removing the pic from my Picasa album, maybe that'll solve things.
And to make matters more embarrassing, Cars 2 is turning out to be the biggest Pixar flop ever...33% on Rotten Tomatoes. That's unheard of. EDIT: Just like Nintendo producing a horrible Mario/Zelda game. At least Cars 2 topped the weekend box office at $66 mil. I haven't even seen it in theaters yet...I'm too lazy. Cars is pulling a Duke Nukem...supposed to be great but no it sucks. I want to talk more about that later.
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GREAT, now my XBL is just screwing with me again. I can sign in any time I want, but I get signed out ten/fifteen seconds later. While I'm halfway through downloading the new map pack. This is horrible. Maybe if I just keep mashing the "Connect to Xbox Live" button, it'll work (and make my name pop up on my friends' screens repeatedly)...
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One more thing. This has to do with computer updates. Last week, I got two Windows updates within a matter of a week. So the computer always nags you--"When do you want us to remind you to restart your computer?" and I'm like NEVER!! POSTPONE, POSTPONE, I restart my comp when I feel like it.
Every time it "reminds" you, it tries to restart the computer from under your nose. EDIT: It still reminds you every ten minutes even if tell it to postpone for four hours. As a matter of fact, I was in the middle of a chat with a Steam buddy and then my computer went through this self-initiated restart process (without telling me)....it started losing "focus" on the window so I had to keep clicking and getting off one letter at a time...something like "I think my computer is gonna restr (enter) r (enter) tt.." as every single thing on my desktop disappeared one-by-one. Just great.
And the updating process is so slow. It's this blue screen that says "Installing 1 of 6 updates. Please don't turn off your computer." Alright, no big deal. So the computer gets to the final update relatively quickly (in about 15 mins) so I'm thinking this last update will be quick. NOPE. My computer sits in the "Installing 6 of 6 updates" phase for about 8 to 12 hours...and there's NO indication of how close it is to completion. I thought something was wrong with my computer and was about to manually power off the thing but it went "ding-a-ding-dong" late at night to indicate the computer had finished & restarted. Both updates were the same. Thanks, Microsoft, thanks.
And I also love how the computer has to restart over the most absurd updates...AVG? Java? Adobe Reader??? Now how many times have you used Adobe Reader recently? I've only use it to read some .pdf attachments I've received in my e-mails. And yet somehow the install has the gall to sneak in a little desktop icon every time like it's really that relevant.
TODAY IS INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY. HOW FITTING WOULD IT HAVE BEEN TO TYPE UP THIS WHOLE POST IN CAPS CAUSE DAMN I'M REALLY PISSED OFF. AND I HAVEN'T EVEN MENTIONED ALL THE Windows Account Alert! E-MAILS BUT THAT'S IT. I'M GOING BACK TO SLEEP. OH WAIT, DID THE BLACK OPS MAP PACK ACTUALLY DOWNLOAD? WELL F*** IT I'M KILLING SOME SHANGRI-LA ZOMBIES!!!
Anyway, after writing my initial article, I learned more information about the game and still find things offensive about it. I'm not going to give some stupid "games are art" lecture here. As a white, Christian male, I don't approve of the salacious lifestyle of players, pimps, hookers, and whatnot. But Duke doesn't bother me. Why? Cause he's an EXAGGERATED figure living in a fictional world of ugly aliens and hot babes. Going around in that macho voice--"Let's go get some babes..." it's comical and shouldn't be taken as an attack on the female role in society.
And Duke fights to save these babes. As for the girls in the hive level, well, they're fubar as it is so I don't know why everyone's portraying that as the "rape" scene in the game. EDIT: The same "pod-girls" were also in Duke Nukem 3D so this isn't new. The alien boobs on the wall? Stupid, but those don't belong to actual human people (I presume).
EDIT AGAIN: Okay, I forgot to mention this. Some people are mad that the game's lighthearted tone ends once you reach the Hive level where Duke shows no emotion to the countless women whom suffer or are killed (especially the Twins). The fact that Duke didn't show more emotion I blame the lousy writing more than anything. Don't hate on Duke, hate on the guys who made him say "I hate valve puzzles"...
And there's games of similar nature that people have defended. God of War with the gruesome violence, torture, the rough sex minigame? Perfectly fine, everyone loves this game. Mass Effect 2 with the side nudity and the Fox News reports? Oh how dare you insult that game! Grand Theft Auto with the innuendo, strip clubs, hot coffee and the ability to kill, run over, and torture innocent people? Hey, you Jack Thompsons out there, it's just a game, don't insult it! But with Duke Nukem, no...it's a terrible game and all copies should be buried out in the Nevada desert along with E.T.
Hey, don't get me wrong--the most detestable part of the game is the near-nudity of the strippers at the club. I'm not saying this game should get off the hook because if producers want to make games then they should take all the blame for the content. But let's not pretend that DNF is the most offensive game ever made because there's more that I've found to be more offensive. That's my two cents. If you are a female, well...you may not like it. But everything's so PC nowadays, it's ridiculous so screw it. If you want a good "target" to go after, just blame MTV and all those rap videos, those are worse because they actually deal with REAL LIFE...
Or an entirely another way to deal with the problem, say "Shut up b****, get back to the kitchen and make me a sandwich." *sarcasm*
"Not my babes! Not in my town! You alien motherf***ers are gonna pay for this!"
"Hell, I'd still hit it."
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Oh and one more fun fact about Duke Nukem...there's a lithograph in the game that's similar to Kramer's painting from Seinfeld. Being a Seinfeld buff, I was quick to point that out...and laugh.
Duke Nukem Forever's abbreviation is DNF which is ironic because it also stands for "Did Not Finish."
An early poster by 3D Realms, the first of four devs who would work on DNF.
Now DNF was one of those games I really wanted to succeed. Well, this is Duke Nukem we're talking about. In a world full of generic soldiers, bishounen, and cartoon characters, the Duke is a breath of fresh air. And I don't necessarily condone everything he is involved with (strippers, bathroom humor, etc.) but damn this dude is the man.
The problem with DNF is that it really should've been released some time around 2000-2004. Coming out nearly a decade too late, you gotta ask whether or not people dislike the game because it is bad gameplay-wise or because they dislike the "old-school" gameplay. I actually sat through Giant Bomb's Quick Play (all 52 minutes of it) and they just about ripped every single thing in the game. Let me share what I've learned here.
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The first thing that jumps out at me is that some of the retro mechanics are gone. The only thing reminiscent from old Duke is that you don't have to look down the sights of your gun. On the other hand, you can only hold two weapons at once, have regenerating health, and don't have infinite sprint. Why is that? They make Duke look incredibly gimped here--rather than run in and blast guys, you have to resort to the old CoD/Halo mechanic of peeking out every once in a while to get in bursts.
The only neat feature they added was the "Ego" bar which acts as your health. By doing manly throughout the campaign like checking out strippers, lifting weights, winning at table hockey (yeah), your max health increases.
Damn, it just pisses me off that they ditched those mechanics. They say that FPSes have "evolved" since then but usually the context of that word means it improves in quality (i.e. Mario's graphics evolved from the NES to the Wii). But here, I want vintage run-and-gun gameplay. What we have here is Duke trying to adapt. Pathetic.
At least you're not looking through the friggin iron sights! Thank God.
Okay, now about the campaign. Well, like the old Duke Nukem, you're wandering through levels shooting bad guys. The main complaint here is that there's not enough enemies to fight. Sometimes it can get really awkward just walking around a desolate location holding some big-ass gun that you don't need to use. In these sections, there's platforming, underwater, puzzle, hell, even driving sections. For some of these sections, you've been shrunk down and Duke actually speaks in his helium voice. There's also interactive objects like computers and urinals...these things can be interesting but even the reviewers find a way to complain about those too.
I don't know why there's so much disdain for these because they would've been perfect acceptable 10+ years ago (hell, it was accepted back in Half-Life 2!!), but now people would rather just be funneled down the same narrow path shooting bad guys like in Call of Duty. While the campaign is actually quite similar to Duke Nukem 3D's, it's probably worse than before. The non-combat sections drag on for too long. Shooting bad guys isn't very fun here. Stuff gets repetitive very quickly. Long load times between levels and dying really hurt the fun too (think Sonic 2006 all over again).
Another major problem with the game is the graphics. Yes, people are ready to lash out at this game because the graphics look like an Xbox game--I know, it doesn't bother me for that reason. But the art design is abysmal in some places. Incredibly dim and unsaturated hues just don't appeal in any generation of gaming. Also, the textures have these really glossy and strange effects applied to them as if it was a last ditch effort by the devs to add zing to the visuals but all it does it make it worse. And finally some jittery framerates on top of all of this.
TURRIBLE colors!
And probably the most disappointing thing about Duke is that he, as Jeff Gerstmann put it, is like your 40+ year old uncle who used to be "cool" back then but is just a lousy bum now. Yeah, a lot of Duke's one-liners are Family Guy-ish (blurt out an obvious reference and it's supposed to be funny) or just plain weird (giggling when slapping these alien wall boobs...). He also missed a few chances to zing some popular games--for instance, if he could hold more than two guns, he could say, "I'm not some p**** who carries two guns" or something like that. Instead, it's too damn cop-outish like he sees Master Chief's helmet and says something like "I don't need that" and it's like ugggghhh...
But seriously, come on, it's the Duke. Hearing Jon St. John's voice again is a breath of fresh air (otherwise, you'd have to play Sonic Adventure and listen to Big the Cat...who is voice by the same guy). Yes, I know that Bulletstorm has the same irreverent humor, but I have no interest because it's not Duke Nukem. YOUR ALL A BUNCH OF HAKERS. Go back to your Master Chief and Marcus Fenix crap.
More Interesting Than The Most Interesting Man In The World??
Multiplayer looks decent but it's only eight-players max. In Giant Bomb's review, by the time they got to Xbox Live, they were so disgusted with the game, saying that this is the kind of MP you'd get if there was a void for the last 15 years of FPS history (in other word, game's too outdated). And why is that necessarily a bad thing? Would you honestly prefer if DNF's multiplayer were like Call of Duty's with the camping Ghost users with the Silenced Famas?
Anyway, DNF isn't for everybody, but there's actually quite a few people who have had a blast with it--certainly moreso than Call of Duty's cookie-cutter campaigns. So for that, I'm happy for those who are satisfied by it. This game's still a letdown mostly because it's all disjointed. As Eurogamer put it, take a look at the credits that go on for ten minutes because of all the people that worked on it. I don't think anybody could've turned DNF into a masterpiece under the circumstances it was under. Regardless, Hail To The King, Baby!!!
It's the Megadeth theme song!!
Big guns and hot babes...
America ain't going nowhere as long as we have THE DUKE.
And as E3 rolls around the corner once again, this is the time where I complain about the talking heads from Kotaku, GameSpot, G4TV, 1-Up as well as the fat slobs who try to look important by entering a loud room full of electronic devices and "swag" consisting of t-shirts, keychains, and cheap plastic crap. Wait, I thought E3 was supposed to be blocked to the public...apparently, they reversed on their decision when the angry masses battered open the doors to get inside so there was nothing they could do about it.
Aliens: Colonial Marines Anarchy Reigns Binary Domain Captain America: Super Soldier Crush3D Guardian Heroes House of the Dead Overkill: Extended Mario & Sonic at the London 2012 Olympic Games Renegade Ops Rise of Nightmares Sega Rally Online Arcade Shinobi Sonic Generations
And...that list is completely underwhelming. Sonic Generations is the only thing really worth mentioning. They will probably reveal some new levels (maybe City Escape and a casino stage). Old-school Sega diehards will love HotD, Guardian Heroes, and Shinobi, so I like seeing Sega give a few old franchises a nod. We already have Sega Rally Online Arcade so if they rehash that, it would be stupid. The rest are just expendable to me. It's great to see more movie-based games (Captain America & Aliens) as well as Nagoshi's sparking gem of a masterpiece, Binary Domain. If Nagoshi is there, then someone please kick his ass for me.
This is terrible. I mean, really, who are the ones begging for a new Captain America?? Seriously? People want Captain America THAT badly??? Well I guess after Superman renounced his US citizenship, America needs a new hero. Superman, what a putz.
Yeah, this list may not be 100% correct, but do you really expect Sega to just pop out with a new Daytona or Shenmue game? Remember how we first discovered OutRun & Sega Rally Online Arcades? We found this name patents on these Korean websites. We've seen nothing about a new Daytona, Shenmue, Jet Set Radio, anything. I think Sega is banking all their chips on Sonic Generations, a game that they came out with a month before E3 so if Sega has another game up their sleeve, they'd probably have revealed it already. The ONLY surprise I can think of is Yu Suzuki popping up to announce Shenmue 3, but that old man is already over his head so don't count on it.
But if something BIG happens, then I'll admit my error. But I doubt it.
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As for the rest of E3, we can already tell what's going to happen. Microsoft is going to release more Kinect crap in another vain attempt to get the diehards to give it a shot. Sony will release the new PSP and apologize profusely for the server downage thanks to a mumbling Kaz Hirai (while everyone else makes fun of him for everything). Nintendo will cause gamers to faint with their new Cafe demo (which will probably be on par with the Xbox 360 but who cares, it's Nintendo, they are WINNERS regardless) and some 3DS games. Then something on Duke Nukem, Final Fantasy, Metal Gear Solid, Soul Calibur, and Rage. Another E3, another waste of time, thank you, please come again.
BTW, this new Internet Explorer sucks horribly. It lags, my tabs mysteriously vanish for no reason, I'm constantly being logged out of Blogspot, and I can't even find out where the history is on this thing. Oh well, back to Firefox.
At this PAX event, we learned that 3D Realms, the original Duke Nukem devs, passed the baton to Gearbox. Those devs continued work on Duke Nukem Forever, which has been "confirmed" just recently.
.....
I don't know whether or not this is for real, but it's not April Fools' Day so maybe, JUST MAYBE it's for real. There's a playable demo too:
Once news of this is spread over the internet, expect the internet to break down by the revelation.
I remember playing Duke Nukem on XBLA, I like it quite a bit. Got 200/200. What would otherwise be an decent-but-not-outstanding FPS is boosted because Duke is the Man... Best one-liners of all time. Like Captain Falcon's "Show me your moves," psssh. Yes, it's somewhat of a grotesque game (dingy colors, mowing down aliens, tons of babes, you can stop by a urinal to "gain health"), but yeah, it's still Duke.
WARNING: Some moderate profanity like the S-Word, B-Word, etc. Don't listen if you don't like curse words. Also strippers:
Ever in a showdown with bullies, terrorists, ex-girlfriends, hostage-takers, etc? Just drop a few Duke-isms on them and they'll cower down. Every time.
"...For me, just wait it out for the big fish, like the AWESOME DAYTONA USA COMPILATION coming when Duke Nukem Forever is released."
...Could it be prophecy revealed? Should we expect Sega to make a move cause I called this out before it happened?? I don't know, probably not, but WHO KNOWS FOR SURE...
"I imagine it is a business decision isn't it? This name is valuable, let's use it. I find it hard to picture Activision's top management being excited about the original and wanting to do it justice. In fact, I find it hard to imagine them being excited about any game. It's my perception that they are trying to be EA, only more so. I think they are doing a fine job at that."
Also, I whole-heartedly agree Activision sucks--they make EA look like Mother Teresa. Also this:
I love Goldeneye. I don't care how old it is or how crude the gameplay is, it just has the "it" factor. What a badass game, I get all giddy just thinking about it. And I may have talked about two FPSes, I can assure you I'm not a macho knucklehead who enjoys violence...I like a few FPSes but not many. Screw all these FPSes that have saturated the market anyway.
