New Consoles: More Complaints & Bad Language

Today is a unique day in that I'm in an incredibly foul mood. So expect this post to be laden with all sorts of fucking shit. I don't care anymore. Buckle up kids cause this is going to be a rough ride.

The nightmare that is "next-gen consoles" continues.  I know the PS4 was announced today, I'll get to that POS in a sec.  But let me mention the new Xbox which drops the bombshell...

Presumably, the new Xbox will make the Kinect a MANDATORY FEATURE.

Look, I know motion controls is the "future" of gaming.  But I will always loathe that piece of shit, the Kinect.  First, I don't know how much this thing's gonna cost (I guess $150 but it may go down over time) but that's just more money that we must shell out.  Then there's the games.  I mean, Microsoft basically WANTS every game to have Kinect support somehow and it'll either A. provide useless features to the game or B. completely butcher the gameplay altogether.

An example of A.  You say "start car" to start a car on NFS: Most Wanted.  WHY IS THIS EVEN NECESSARY???  Sure, I don't mind the "start a car" feature (like in Hard Drivin') but I'd rather turn a key or *LE GASP* press a button to do so.

An example of B.  Sonic Free Riders.  I will NEVER forgive Microsoft (or whoever thought that it would be a good idea to not include REGULAR, OLD-FASHIONED JOYSTICK INPUTS) for butchering this game.  I know Sonic Riders is a "meh" game but I always felt it had some potential if Sega would stop making serious blunders but relying on the Kinect's broken "controls" is the worst sin of all.  So Sonic Free Riders is just a guinea pig in Microsoft's experiment to force people to buy a Kinect.  I  can't stand it, what a piece of shit.

Warning, lots of profanity but who cares.  Fuck this shit.  Fuck you, Kinect.

Oh, and one more thing.  I'm not a tinfoil hat Alex Jones/Ron Paul type, but isn't the Kinect basically a camera that's plugged into the Internet watching your every move as you play the game?  Ooooo, screw you Microsoft for the invasion of privacy.

And then there's the best video game company in the whole world, Electronic Arts.  I'm going to go ahead and post a disclaimer here--I have a couple of really good friends who are actually employed by EA.  They're great people and I'm fairly certain all those guys on the ground level working on the game are avid gamers who want their products to be best as possible.  But I have no respect for the higher-ups at EA who peddle the same bullshit and no matter how much idiots like Reddit Gaming QQ about it, they still suck at the teat of the beast.  I hate you EA.

But what did EA say?  Well, some EA guy's going on about how next-gen consoles won't have backwards-compatibility.  Isn't that great.  We've had the Xbox 360, the PS3, the Wii for about eight years now.  We're sitting on a shit-ton of games.  If those aren't playable with the new console, I simply am not buying it.  I don't care if my Xbox deserves to be in a retirement home, I'm not about to let a massive chunk of my gaming library go null and void purely because Microsoft/Sony doesn't think it's worth supporting.  Yeah sure, there's always the "stream" that they've been talking about.  I know the PS4 has it and you can play PS1/2/3 games on your console.  But only select ones that you probably have to pay for again.  And even still, it's more crap that's only playable through an Internet connection/server (which I'll get to in a sec).

As for used games, well EA does something "right" in saying that they won't completely lock out used games.  But this is the same company EA that'll embrace ANYTHING to ward away used game sales.  DRM's, online passes, shitty Origin sales, free crap if you buy the game new, so big deal.  Like let's talk about the new SimCity.  I have no doubt in my mind that it'll be a solid game (gameplay-wise).  But hell, look at what EA's doing.  First, you have to download Origin (which I will not do, I'm sorry).  Then you have to be online to play it.  Okay, didn't we try stuff like that with Diablo 3 and look what happened with the server downage nightmare?  EDIT: A see-I-told-you-so-moment, BOOM, SimCity servers went down for a day or two now.  There's also the possibility that your Internet connection might be broken.  Whatever, it's just an inconvenience and nothing else, right?

What if, for some reason down the line, EA wants to kill the game.  Unplug the server for whatever reason--EA wants to force us to buy SimCity 6 or maybe the SimCity franchise is just failing altogether so they're going to cut their losses now.  Congrats, we have a AAA-title that can't be played anymore cause the servers have been shut down.  What a piece of shit.  I remember it was't that long ago that OutRun Online Arcade would no longer be supported on Xbox Live and PSN because the Ferrari licensed expired and the game could no longer be purchased starting in 2012 or whatever.  Do we want a bunch of games to live or die by servers that the game publishers themselves can flick a switch and be done with forever?  What the hell happened to just buying a cartridge/CD, popping it into the slot, and just PLAYING IT???

Oh yeah, and then there's this.  Reddit sucks ass but at least some of their members post some smart stuff.  And here's a Redditor posting legitimate complaints about EA's SimCity policies and is subsequently banned.  Yeah, part of it was due to an "error" EA made but still, I have no respect for that company at all.  I will not be buying the new SimCity nor anything else EA gets their hands on.  Sorry.

Anyway, about the PS4, I think I covered pretty much all the aspects (EDIT: If you want a PS4 rundown, check out this infographic) I wanted to about it except for this.  Here's the first racing game to be available on the PS4.  No, it's not another shitty Ridge Racer remake (boy I can't wait for that one).  It's "Drive Club," another little sim racing game kinda like Test Drive Unlimited or Forza: Horizon but with less dubstep and DAT NEW GRAPHICAL PROWESS that'll sell copies.  Give me a break.  Game designers are so out of ideas now that they'd rather just make the same damn racing sim that we've played for the last 15-20 years.  Although had they opted for something more wacky like Burnout, Need for Speed, or even Little Big Planet Karting, I'd probably hate that too.  In other words, racing games nowadays suck.

EDIT: Another goodie imgur pic off Reddit, kinda explains how I feel about this "OMG GRAPHICS" nonsense.

I know this'll sound controversial but I'm serious when I say this.  I think a good 90-95% of video games nowadays piss me off.  I mean it.  I'm sick and tired of the following (EDIT: added two things):

Sick and tired of games that are more interested in becoming a movie than an actual game and/or try to "grow up" and completely lose all fun in the process (the only exception to this rule is Shenmue cause it's awesome, that's why).

Sick and tired of the antics of EA, Activision, Microsoft, Sony, etc. and how gamers circlejerk but never actually do anything about it besides make stupid Internet memes.

Sick and tired of gamer culture like what we see on Reddit, GameFAQs, etc. and their over-infatution and group-think over the same exact damn game companies like Valve, Nintendo, Bethesda, Bioware, Blizzard, etc.

Sick and tired of the increasing amount of violence & edginess in games and how if you dislike it then gamers will attack you with, "you're an idiot, overprotective, hurting free speech, an insane Fox News right-winger, etc."

Sick and tired of motion controls, Facebook, Twitter, DRM's, online servers, monetization/DLC and and other hoops to jump through getting in the way of playing these fucking games.

Sick and tired of the screen bloom, shaders, motion blur, hue changes, and other unnatural that developers drown their game out with in an attempt to look "edgy" when a simple "blue skies" theme will usually do.

Sick and tired of all the stupid games the developers play with the on-disc DLC, stupid glitches that would take minutes to fix, rushed products, questionable game designs, interference from publishers, multi-million dollar budgets that go to make the game shiny but nothing to do with gameplay, and so forth that inhibit the ability to make decent games.

Sick and tired of the gaming media like Kotaku, G4, Spike, GameSpot, IGN and how they piss themselves over new consoles, companies, and gaming intellectuals like Cliff Blesinski, Notch, etc. while they dump on or completely ignore Sega and their impact on gaming all day long.  Also the self-congratulatory speeches of many of the gaming talking heads/producers.

Sick and tired of Need for Speed and the countless awful remakes that do nothing but retard any advances made in the racing genre.

Oh, and I'm sick and tired of watching Sega retreat back to their abysmal selves every time I think they've redeemed themselves.

Fuck video games.  If it weren't for Sega and the small, no, slim, no, INFINITESIMAL chance of being able to help salvage the racing game genre and blue skies I would never be in this position that I am in now as a video game programmer AKA "software engineer."  I would've bailed and let it go down in the clusterfuck that it's in today.  So help us God, that is all.  Pray I don't get fired in the first week of my new job.

EDIT: Okay, I feel better now so don't be too offended from what I said. :(

If there's anything factually inaccurate about what I said in this post then let me know since I may be emotional and am calling it the way I see it but I'd also wish to be right as well.

...I will end on a positive note.  I was reading a Kotaku article on the Dreamcast and one user by the name of "Daemon_Gildas" who left a very inspiring comment about the Dreamcast's culture:

Honestly, if there is one thing I think the Dreamcast did right, it's that it inspired a "fun" tone of video-games.

I know it's strange to say that, because it literally has nothing to do with the hardware itself, but you have to admit; when you look at the Dreamcast's library, it consists almost entirely of "feel-good games".

Much of that was thanks to Sonic Team, who were really at the top of their game. I mean, hell, even Phantasy Star Online managed to be upbeat, and the actual story consisted of two planet-wide apocalypses!

I really wish games would get away from trying to be "mature" all the time. There was a wonderful article right here on Kotaku a few months back, on how Jet Set Radio managed to be relevant, without being violent (I'm too lazy to find and link it). I think that's something Gaming needs more of; games that exist simply to put a smile on your face, with no other baggage.

Lord bless 'em cause he's right on the money.

Sega's Screws Are Coming Loose???

What's going on over there at Sega???

Oh Panzer Dragoon, Phantasy Star, Sonic 4, that Olympics game no one seems to care about, Jet Set Radio, Hatsune Miku, Shogun 2, and Binary Domain pimpage.

And SHENMUE 1 AND 2 HIGH-DEFINITION PORTS????

And according to the rumor (probably some bumbling idiot at Sega), the ports have been completed for more than a year now.  And Sega's just waiting to gauge the popularity of the series and the likelihood of Shenmue 3.

WHY DO YOU SIT ON THESE GAMES FOR SO LONG???  WHAT'S NEXT--THEY HAVE DAYTONA 2/SCUD RACE/OUTRUN 3 ALREADY MADE BUT THEY'RE TOO SCARED TO RELEASE IT???  SHOW SOME GUTS, SEGA!!!

I know, I know, game publishers don't just release all their games at one time but IIRC, there's been a drought of Dreamcast titles over the years (remember Mike Hayes' 18-24 DC ports prediction???).  It sure as hell wouldn't have hurt to release Shenmue 1, then 2 later, then ultimately 3!!!

Then again, if the fans had it their way, we would've gotten Shenmue 3 much earlier and this whole delay wouldn't be an issue.

Nice to have the good old Sega back.

------------

So.  Onto my next point.  And that is about RACING GAMES!  Please bear with me, I'm not going to turn this into a "Dear Sega, please hire me to make Daytona 3" post, but here's what I wanna know, Sega...:

When are you making any NEW racing games?

I know there's a few. There was Sega Rally Revo (2007), Sega Race TV (2008), OutRun Online Arcade (2009), Sonic Free Riders (2010), Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing (2010), Sega Rally Online Arcade (2011), Initial D Stage 6 (2011), and obviously Daytona USA (2011).  So that's great right?



Let's go thru the list:

*Sega Rally Revo - good Sega racer with loads of content, but handling is not as good as original, EDIT: made by Western Sega developer so that's okay
*Sega Race TV - arcades only, unique idea but not that great of a game
*OutRun Online Arcade - port of an already existing game, no longer available
*Sonic Free Riders - mega crap tied to the Kinect
*Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing - good but ALSO MADE BY SUMO DIGITAL
*Sega Rally Online Arcade - port of an already existing game (sort of) with less content
*Initial D Stage 6 - arcades only, just a expansion pack obviously
*Daytona USA - best thing Sega's done recently but it's just the original Daytona with better graphics and (dead) online play (already available on the Model2 emulator)
*Any other racing games out there I never heard of...SEGA PLEASE ADVERTISE THEM MORE AND MAYBE I WOULD ACTUALLY MENTION THEM

In all honestly, I think Sega is skimming the surface of the racing genre.  And I'm not talking "Daytona 3" but other stuff.  I want Scud Race, Daytona 2, Initial D, even f'n Sega Race TV to come home.  Maybe even a new Sega GT, Virtua Racing, Crazy Taxi, F-Zero, F355 Challenge.  Or even a new IP altogether!!

"Eric, you're overdoing it, Sega can only do so much."  Come on man...you look at the 80's and 90's and Sega was the King of Speed.  Spittin out OutRun, Daytona USA, Scud Race, Virtua Racing, Crazy Taxi, Initial D, yada yada yada.  Sega NEVER backed down.  All in, balls out, but look at 'em now.  They're scared.  They assume the racing genre is dead.  They play it safe like....oh, here's a Dreamcast port, here's a semi-decent Sonic game, here's a new Yakuza, here's a Hatsune Miku game for the Japanese kiddies, HERE'S A MUTHA-F***IN URINAL GAME!!!  WHAT NOW, BITCH???

I occasionally talk Sega to people at school.  It's unanimous among everyone that Sega has simply lost their identity.  They impress no one anymore.  They need to go back to the drawing board, they say.  And IMO, going back to the drawing board doesn't mean "here's an HD Dreamcast port, not STFU and go play it."  Sega doesn't go the extra mile anymore. EDIT: Lest you forget, Marvel parted ways with Sega so we're not getting any more crummy movie-based games so perhaps Sega should exert more energy into actual GOOD games...

EDIT: "Eric, put a smiley face on everything."  If you want a happy blog, go read SEGAbits, SegaShiro, Sonic Stadium, official Sega blogs, etc. where everything's all good.  I'm shooting from the hip here baby.  Not everything Sega does is perfectly great and someone's gotta say it.

This rant is crap, I know, but sometimes, you gotta kick someone's ass to get them to step up to the plate. God forbid I actually run out of Sega racer related material to talk about!!!  If it weren't for the fans (and Sumo Digital) making arcade emulators, fan games, art, etc. then there would hardly be anything to talk about.    Otherwise I would become the clean-up hitter on the gaming media and crap racing games.  Sure, it's great the new Daytona port got people talking about the game again BUT WE WANT MORE THAN THAT!!!  UNLEASH THE AM2 STUDIO FOR ONCE!!!  BRING BACK YU SUZUKI...yada yada yada, you already know what I'm driving at.

The fans have to save Sega, no doubt about it.  Clamoring for more ports on Twitter/Facebook/message boards is nice and all BUT GET ACTIVE AND DO/MAKE STUFF WHENEVER YOU CAN!!!

AMERICA (and the west in general), taking back racing games from the Japanese cause Japan sucks at making games now.  Sadly, with what???  Burnout, Need for Speed, Forza (well that one's actually good so it gets a pass), Flatout, Trackmania, Motorstorm, Fast & Furious, Split/Second...I mean, GOOD LORD CAN JAPAN STEP UP FOR ONCE AND SAVE US FROM THIS GARBAGE????????  Whatever. Yeah, this is a jackass post, but SOMEONE'S GOTTA SAY IT and if I don't, then who will????

------------

EDIT: A brief addendum and I'll say this about what Sega should do.  This reminds me of a real-world experience.  My father manages a small chain of fishing/tobacco stores along the Gulf Coast.  Don't give me any crap about cigarettes cause if people want to smoke then let 'em.  The government taxes the crap out of tobacco anyway so you sure are sticking it to us.

So anyway, when asked how he can compete against major retailers like Wal-Mart, he said "It's a more personal experience...if you need help with your fishing reels or your technique, we're there to help."

So here's what I think.  Sega is VERY FAR from outmuscling big players like Activision, Electronic Arts, Sony, Capcom, and Nintendo.  If Sega takes the bland route by releasing a couple of super hero/military/puzzle games, they'll squeak by and nothing else...

What can Sega do?  Do what Sega does best.  Make those wacky blue-sky games you can't get anywhere else.  Not the same lock-step march that every other publisher does.  Sega barely cashes in on their nostalgia.  Will Sega get a clue?  No, cause they stink.  You don't necessarily need a Dreamcast 2 to do this.  Get some new talent, some bold new producers cause Sega is blowing it as far as I'm concerned.  Make some good in-house games for once.  That's all, later.

Daytona USA Reviews--Kill Me Now

It's worth mentioning I revised the Kyle Busch article to include the Ron Hornaday mutiny that occurred last Friday.

Ok, so Daytona USA has been out for two weeks and most of the "professional" reviews are in.  And most of them fall within the 8-9 range which is good.  You can see the list of reviews here.

Now there's really nothing amazing about any of the average reviews.  I can't go through them all.  They say stuff like, "It's Sega's classic arcade racer with funky tunes but it's nonetheless old."  Okay, I see what you mean.

But first, I would like to commend the website Gamestyle for giving this Daytona port a 10 out of 10, the only reviewer to do so thus far.

Wasn't a fan of Daytona in the arcade? Then don't expect any different here. That is the 1% dealt with. For everyone else, this port brings home the magic of the arcade version in the best way possible. Rose tinted memories are transferred to reality, both in terms of how the game looks and how it plays.

Well said.  How nice of you to bring up the 1% of people who don't like Daytona.  I would say that number is larger than that but let's deal with the heathens, shall we???  Descend into the abyss, if I don't come back in 15 minutes...just wait longer!

From a review site called HonestGamers which gave the Daytona port a 5 out of 10...

This is the best Daytona USA ever released for play at home.

BOOM, there you go, review's over.  If it's better than the Saturn, PC, or Dreamcast versions, then how come this isn't higher than a 5?  Let's continue...

And herein lies the trouble with Daytona USA. It’s always been extremely limited. A few cars, a handful of tracks, the choice between automatic and manual transmission, and four vantages points from which to survey the action. That's essentially it. Being able to take on mirrored versions of tracks or tacklekaraoke mode – well, those are just fleeting distractions. The sobering truth is that there's not much here, and there never was.

What a load of ass.  Let me say two things: one--this is an Xbox Live Arcade Title.  THESE KIND OF GAMES ARE MEANT TO BE SMALL!!!  HENCE THE TERM, "ARCADE"!!!  Two: come say this game is "lacking" to me.  Or my friends on GameFAQs.  Or the guys from Singapore/Japan/wherever who play the crap out of this game.  Cause it certainly ain't "lacking" to us.

What made this game a phenomenon in the nineties – besides the fact that in ’93 these graphics were considered slick and ahead of their time – was the ability for us arcade-going gamers to sit with seven drunk friends in aligned cockpit cabinets, hammering the pedals, locking the wheel into turns, jamming the shifter down to screech into straight-aways, all while we hoped that hot girls looked on.

This just seems strange to me.  This paragraph could apply to just about any lousy 90's arcade racer, like Ridge Racer or Cruis'n World (YES, I SAID IT).  Daytona was different because it was deep man...  They don't make arcade racers with that kind of handling and quirkiness anymore.  So for you to take that for granted is kind of sad.  BTW, ever considered buying a racing wheel for your 360/PS3 and inviting over the boys, girls, and booze for the "authentic" Daytona experience?

Daytona USA was an experience. And it’s the sort of experience that can never be brought home. Sure, we can search online for seven like-minded old school players to have a go, but that doesn’t come close. What might have come close, would be local multiplayer, so that at least you could invite friends over and split-screen race to your hearts’ content. Guess what? Local multiplayer is not available. Oops.

Like I said before, the game's scope wasn't meant to include local multiplayer.  Not to mention that Daytona is that heavy of a game that you wouldn't want to share the screen with another player.  Do you even have ONE friend you know in real life that plays Daytona USA?

It’s a shame, because there is a demographic of players who want simpler, easier to pick-up-and-play titles in the face of the growing complexity and luster of the today’s top racing games, but Daytona USA swings the pendulum too far the other way, and gives us extreme barebones action, which manifests a definite fun factor, but one that cannot be sustained. Especially not when you’re playing all by your lonesome. And remotely racing with whichever few strangers you can find on the Net is less consolation than you might think. At least the kitschy main theme can still elicit a laugh or two: Daytonnnnaaaaaa! Let’s go away!!

I tell you what--I'd rather pay ten bucks to play Daytona online with seven other people at home, even if it's just for ONE HOUR.  But no, we can play "forever." Try finding working 8-player Daytona setups in a real arcade, including friends.  Sega did the best job that they could to port this.  To say this game is absolutely gimped is disgusting.  Oh, it's also nice you tacked on an additional .5 overall to the score just for the "kitschy" theme alone.

I'm done with that guy's review--it was mediocre and it pissed us all off.  I've never heard of this website before nor will I ever hear from it again.

------------

I know this is paining ya, but there's MORE!!!  The Official Xbox Magazine scores this game a 4.5 out of 10...

Once upon a time, texture-mapped polygons, bare-bones drifting, and gradual loss of tire grip were enough to earn a cheering crowd, but those days have passed. Daytona USA might lazily scratch a nostalgic itch, but there’s little else to entice modern audiences.

Arcade mode’s three bright tracks offer differing course lengths, lap counts, and turn severities. You’ll slipstream behind opponents to improve acceleration and top speed, coax your car to just the right drift angle as you squeal around tight turns, and try not to slide into walls when your tires turn to mush. Now you can even rewind time Forza-style from the pause menu. If your car didn’t control with all the grace of a buttered concrete block, those features might be worth exploring.

Online multiplayer rekindles fond memories of linked arcade machines, and 30 brief challenges break up the solo routine. But clunky handling and crayon visuals are a harsh reminder of why we rarely visit with the ghosts of videogame racing’s past. Daytona USA was once a pace-setting leader; now it’s a museum-ready relic.

+ Rewind feature lets you correct mistakes; serviceable multiplayer; retro arcade simplicity.

– Jittery handling; just three tracks; irritating soundtrack only true fanatics will love.

– Smoothed textures and a steady framerate can’t mask its age.

? Why doesn’t it include local split-screen multiplayer?

And that's it.  I'm dead f***ing serious.  That's the whole review.  And it's going up in this piece of trash magazine.  "Official Xbox Magazine," my ass.  This review addressed NOTHING other than that the "handling sucks" and that "it has a rewind mode."  Nothing else.

The handling.  MY GOD, THE HANDLING.  Learn to play the G-D game, you nebbish.

Barebones drifting??  Give me ONE game in recent history that has a SEMI-DECENT drifting system.  No, there isn't one because it's all this "Formula-D" crap or "boost to gain nitrous" or some load of ass like that.  So, no dice.

Tires melting???  What the hell game mode are you playing???  If you play the regular arcade/time-trial modes, there's no tire wear whatsoever.  The fact that he harped on it more than once is just downright idiotic.  A better line would be "The Survival mode sucked," but no, the handling eternally sucks, the game is unplayable, etc.  Wtf.

Crayon visuals?  I'd rather be staring at Daytona USA than the dreary, generic landscapes of Split/Second or GRID.  I mean that times a thousand.

Soundtrack???  You kiddin' me?  You mention the words "Daytona USA" to any arcade connoisseur and the first words you get back are "Roooolllinnnnnnnggg  Sssttarrrttt!!!!"  People hate the Daytona soundtrack?  Where are these people?

"Rarely visit the ghosts of videogame racing's past?"  "A museum relic?"  Alright, bro.  F*** it, let's throw all old racing games in the trash!  All aboard the Need for Speed/Burnout train!  First of all, why is that, of all old games, RACING GAMES must be ignored but other genres don't???  We still play Mario, we still play Zelda, we still play Contra, we still play Street Fighter, we still play Doom, we still play Final Fantasy, but we CAN'T play Daytona USA.  Just burn all bridges to the past and replace them with a shiatload of production value, useless cinematics, and a trail of DLC.  What a putz, a pustule, a schmuck.

This reviewer is the talking ass.

Let me just conclude saying this.  What good does this review do?  We're talking about a ten-dollar XBLA title that'll probably be brushed under the rug within a month.  So you played the game for five minutes and didn't like it?  Why does it MATTER that this review's in the magazine or not?  I learned NOTHING about the game at all other than one (stupid) man's opinion of the thing.  Besides, you can always download the demo and try the game for yourself.  Who cares what this guy thinks when you have the demo???

Official Xbox Magazine...does anyone really care about this trash?  Like do you wake up in the morning, read gaming news on GameSpot, Kotaku, Reddit, Joystiq, etc. and see tons of wonderful media about OXM?  No, and that's because it's garbage so it needs to go away.  Not to the museum but to the dumpster behind the museum.  Then thrown in the incinerator.  Good riddance.

Oh, and I expect that there will be one intrepid reader out of a thousand who will say this.  "Eric, why do you trash games like Split/Second and Need for Speed when you've only played them for five minutes???  Isn't that hypocritical???"  Five things:

1. I play these games for more than five minutes.  As much as it pains me too, it's my solemn duty to do so.  I've plunked numerous quarters into Fast & Furious and I had a stroke.  So, never again, I said.

2. I write better reviews with MORE INFORMATION than these guys do.  Like if a game sucks, I don't say "the tires are made of butter," and then call it a day.

3. I'd like to think I have more clout on traditional racing game reviews than some guy who's only been reviewing games at OXM for just two weeks (seriously, here's the guy's profile).

4. I'm not getting paid to do reviews.  The other guy is.  So I do these reviews purely for my own respect and integrity.  Lord knows that this guy was probably shuffling through game after game to make a buck off of a few paragraphs he types down on the fly.

5. I'M NOT PUBLISHING THESE REVIEWS AS FACT IN A "RESPECTED" PERIODICAL THAT THOUSANDS OF GAMERS WILL UNWITTINGLY CONSUME AND REGURGITATE!!!

The irony of this whole situation is while OXM scored the game a 4.5, the UK version of OXM scored it a 9.0.  Its review is actually more informative and gave a nod to Daytona USA 2.  Thus proving that American gaming is dead as we know it.  Seriously, the United Kingdom is friends of Sega...we know this very much now.

An arcade classic and a reverential conversion mean that the definitive version of Daytona is finally available on XBLA. We can't wait to see which of Sega's spectacular arcade back catalogue will be next to receive the same attention. You know, Daytona USA 2 never got a proper home conversion either...

------------

Oh, and one more kick-in-the-ass for the road.  So, a few months ago, my mom unwittingly got another subscription of GameInformer the last time she went to GameStop.  Oh, God, no.  But I still read it anyway just to gain surveillance on the "enemy."  My mom brought a few of these magazines down to Florida when she visited so I scanned through them as usual.

They reviewed a game.  What game you ask?  Burnout: Crash.  Gave it a 7.5 out of 10.  I s*** you not.  EDIT: Forgot to post the link to the review so here it is.  I couldn't even get through this whole review before it came up with the blanket statement--"uh, it's good, just go buy it."  Love this line at the end:

Kinect
Crash also includes Kinect functionality for Xbox 360 owners, but I wouldn’t recommend this sloppy option. Hopping and stepping around replace the simple analog stick and button controls with disastrous results.

Wait, so using the Kinect with this game is BAD?  What about the commercial with David Hasselhoff and all the posers??  I thought the Kinect was super-awesome-fun??   Well, that's ONE thing Criterion did right.  See Sonic Free Riders...no standard 360 control, no dice.

And you remember way, WAY back when I brought up the GameInformer reviews on Burnout 3 and OutRun 2?  OutRun 2 got a 6.5 score.  Burnout: Crash got a 7.5.  That means that Burnout: Crash is A WHOLE POINT BETTER than OutRun 2.  Doesn't that make you want to kick a baby?

Oh, and God Forbid if GameInformer were to actually review Daytona USA.  They said that OutRun 2 was "an old man on Viagra" so what does that make Daytona USA???  A mummified corpse from the seventh century??  Forget about it!!

------------

EDIT: And there's another bad Daytona USA review I missed!!  This one is from a site called Thunderbolt Games.  Gave it a 5 out of 10.  It said "omg not enough cars & tracks to unlock" and "wtf no local multiplayer" but I already dealt with that.  Lousy short-ass review.  NO MENTION OF HOW "GOOD" THE CONTROLS ARE.  They also said this:

The Xbox Live play was decent, though it took me quite a few tries to find races to join. And it may seem a little nitpicky, but I hate it when racing games don’t give me an option to restart the current race from the pause menu. Overall,Daytona USA is a lazy port that could have offered players more.

Um, you CAN restart the race while in pause menu.  Press Y to restart, right next to the rewind button, another feature you forgot to mention.  Another garbage review, guy didn't even bother playing it for more than 5 minutes.  PISS OFF!!

Get out, you enemies of Sega.

School Is Cool, Sonic Free Riders Is For Fools

Oh boy. So it's been two weeks at FIEA. I still don't have a lot of work yet. However, I've been assigned to work on a Flash game with four other people. Obviously when you throw five people in the same room and force them to make a game, they all can't agree on everything, but I'm pretty satisfied with what I was told to do: make a 2-D pizza delivery game. I s*** you not. It wasn't even my idea too. So I'm designing 2-D car physics! I'm stoked, this is looking good. I even implemented drift handling! It will be done in two weeks.

Also, I got my cubicle set up. Got pictures up of Daytona USA 1/2, Scud Race, OutRun, Sega Rally, Yu Suzuki, everything, including lamps and all that garbage. Looks good. No one really said anything about the games in particular, but some of my teammates upon seeing all these cars, they said, "We got the right guy for the project," which is sweet.

And also, I get to shop at Target for all the foods I want to eat like Milky Way bars, frozen chicken nuggets, chocolate chip waffles, strawberry toaster strudels, Dr. Pepper, green beans, YooHoo drinks, turkey sandwiches, Spongebob macaroni & cheese, I mean everything. And I got my new Xbox 360 and Rock Band 3 (had to queue up & redownload all 1000+ DLC songs off XBL, a royal pain in the ASS) so I'm living the dream! In my own little Bachelor's pad here folks.  TOTAL FREEDOM.  Seriously, don't get married and have kids--stay at home and eat your own damn food.  Really, nothing worse than opening the fridge/pantry to see everything gone.  Nice to have such few obligations...yeah.


Thanks hamada2700!!!!!

Oh yeah, the money where I get these things...don't ask.  I have an unknown source of income.  I'm saviing money the best I can (bargain brands, baby!!!)

As for what else we learned at FIEA, not much...one class is specifically dedicated to talking about intricate details of the game industry. We're even watching game footage (already saw Dragon Age 2 and Bastion, two games that make me go "ehhh") and discussing things from a technical perspective. Sweet, I love easy grades like this.

Another thing we talked about was different platforms to make your games for. You got Flash, i-Phone, Xbox, Panda, UDK, all these game engines. One options was the Kinect. What the Kinect does is condense some 60+ gestures into a simple keystroke. For instance, during game development, you assign an action to a simple keystroke, such as A. Then when you're done, you swap A with a gesture that the Kinect reads for you, such as "jump" or "wave arms like idiot."

And then a *ding* went off in my head. I already talked about Sonic Free Riders, that Sega racer for Kinect that really bombed because the controls sucked so hard. Well, if it was just as easy to swap Kinect gestures with buttons, then WHY DIDN'T THEY ALTERNATELY PROGRAM THE GAME FOR STANDARD XBOX CONTROLLERS??? I mean, really, judging from what I assume, it could've taken them a very VERY short amount of time to convert the game to standard controls and thus made it available to a wider audience (you shouldn't buy a Kinect game without the Kinect, mirite???)

I'll tell you why. Because it's a gimmick to get people to buy Kinect. If they could play it with a controller, why would they need the Kinect. So there you go--Sega taken hostage by the Kinect and that whole entire game, Sonic Free Riders, could've actually been excellent without the Kinect, but no, it's ruined.  EDIT: Yes, I actually do think Sonic Free Riders could be a good game.  Thanks Microsoft!

Sonic Free Riders And NFS: Hot Pursuit Are EPIC FAIL

ehehe epic fail lol *nerdgasm*

Since I downloaded the Ridge Racer 6 demo off XBL, I decided to download the Sonic Free Riders demo while I was at it.  "Oh, but it's a Kinect game!"  Well I thought you could play it with a regular controller too but no, that's not true.  And I had to download the entire demo first before I found out.

As a consolation prize for the time wasted on the demo, I got to see was this video presentation of kids jumping in front of the TV.  So Sonic Free Riders = garbage.  0 out of 10, congrats on being forever tied to the lousy Kinect.  Besides, the name of the game is still Sonic FREE Riders so I want this game for free, dammit!!  What a tease.  Sega always teases us BTW.

Also, I decided to check out the Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit demo, assuming there was one.  Guess what?  There isn't one.  What's the matter, Electronic Arts and Criterion, afraid I would say mean things about the demo?  No way I am going to Blockbuster to rent this game.  Congrats, another 0 out of 10, stop wasting my time with this crap.  YOU SUCK ASS!!!

------------

Oh, and Need for Speed: Shift 2 Unleashed is coming out some day.



Shift 1 was intriguing to me because of the emphasis on the sense of speed, engine sounds, etc.  However, I heard it wasn't that great of a game otherwise.  About Shift 2, I would like to see more game footage of the car interior.  I think it will be good but it lacks the "zing" of a Sega racer.  Oh well, guess that's what arcade games do to you, I'm spoiled...

------------

Also, something stupid is happening to my Xbox 360.  Every time I sign into Xbox Live, it stays for five seconds then disconnects me.  Every time.  So this really sucks because I just put down $8 for Rock Band DLC I can't download for now...

Sonic "Low" Riders & Motion Controls

As you probably know, the Microsoft Kinect came out recently.  And with that, the dashboard has changed.  I don't know--the old one was starting to grow on me, but now, I just don't care anymore.  Do whatever you want, Microsoft.  It's your console, not mine.

And with the Kinect comes the new Sonic "Free" Riders game.  Despite the fact that it's a "free" game, you still have to pay $50 for it on release.  In theory, it is a "Sega racer," so we have to mention it.  Well, to be quite honest, after looking at some preview videos a while back on Giant Bomb and whatnot, the game wasn't looking too good.  And now that it's out, Kotaku just rips it.

Kotaku Sonic Free Riders Overview

And here's Jeff Gerstmann playing the game.  You could see he was a bit narcissistic...come on, give it a break, it's a sad Sonic game.  HERE WE GO! (Warning: Some Profanity):



The game itself doesn't look too bad graphically.  As a matter of fact, the environments are damn nice.  The gameplay, barring motion controls, is practically the same thing as in Sonic Riders 1 and 2.  But the controls are so hard to calibrate they say, that they can't even get through the menu to play the game.  Just great.  Why is it that Sega had to use Sonic to test out the Kinect anyway?  WHY SONIC??

I think this game will be compatible with the regular controller, but really, this game was BUILT around the premise of being a Kinect game.  If it can't even get that part right, then that's one-half of the game in the toilet already.  A waste of effort, perhaps?  UPDATE: This game is not compatible with a standard controller so that sucks.

EDITEDITEDIT: Someone from Kotaku offers a counter-point to the previous review.  The controls aren't so bad he says and he tells you something very important:

The tutorial never really spells out that you aren't supposed to crouch unless you're jumping or leaning forward to speed up, but once I figured that out, everything clicked. In the last race I played, I managed to execute a spin jump, dash, ring grab, and another jump before boosting over the finish line, all in rapid succession.

So that clears it up a little, but the game's still up in the air.

------------

I'm really not gonna lie here.  Why is it that people are pushing motion controls past the Wii so hard these days?  Look at the Sega CD.  Ooh, you get to play the games on a CD.  Well, it took the sacrificial lambs that were Sega CD, Phillips CD-i, Atari Jaguar and (to a certain extent) Sega Saturn until CD-based games came around in the form of the Sony Playstation.  Like I mean, barring a few good Nintendo Wii titles, motion control is crap.  It was crap back during the Power Glove, and only Nintendo has been able to save face in terms of this motion control travesty.

I'm gonna go ahead and say this.  Making a game look better or use new technology is the last thing on my mind.  I want DAMN GOOD GAMES first and foremost.  Like people are more concerned with making their games look good than to make sure that they're actually, you know, FUN.  Please, stop it, stop it, STTOOOPPPP IIITTTT!!!!!!!!!!  Oh and before you say "Nintendo Wii," well their library's crap so don't bother.

EDITEDITEDIT: Oh yeah, and I was looking around on Giant Bomb some more and here's Jeff playing MotionSports, a horrendous abomination that further reinforces my belief that motion-control games suck.   

WARNING: Even more profanity and and an obscene gesture.  But it's hilarious, no doubt!  "I want to marry this guy."  "Rider, meet horse; horse, meet rider."  "Smile for the camera! *weird face* "One of my favorite videos from these guys.



------------

Anyway, also worth mentioning is that Goldeneye Wii is finally out.  It's a hit with reviewers, all in the 8.0+ range.  Here's GameSpot's review.  Anyway, I don't know what to say.  These are the same reviewers that got thrills over Split/Second so who knows if the game's really worth it.  At least it's something a little less mainstream for you people.  I already talked a lot about this game already so it's not like I have anything new to say.