2013 Motorsports Recap! Part 2, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Hello boys and girls!  You know what time of the year it is...it's CHRISTMAS time which means more ass-kicking race car clips for you!!  Let's begin.


The All-Star Race is a side attraction to the circus show to the NASCAR, but at least they got one good thing going for it.  Qualifying for the All-Star Race is different than regular season races and is a little game of its own.  Each driver runs three laps and has to make one pit stop.  There's no speed limit on pit road so they ZOOM right on through!  See the Beginner course trick from Daytona USA.  Bitch please, I drive through pits to shave 1.5 seconds off my laps. Though in NASCAR, you have to stop in your pit lane, so yeah, there's that too.

Messing up your pit docks you time penalties so don't screw up.  Top three qualifiers get $50K, $10K, and $5K respectively to share between themselves and their pit crews.


In previous years preceding the All-Star Race was the Pit Crew Challenge.  Basically, pit crews raced against the clock to complete their respective tasks and push their car across the finish line first.  It's a clever little ruse and pit lane choices for the All-Star Race are determined by the results of the Pit Crew Challenge.  But they didn't hold the event in 2013 for some reason so...yeah, disappointing.

These pit crew guys are athletes too, you're a fool to think otherwise.


Anyway, speaking of pit stops...here's Indy Car again.  This was at Sonoma, the 15th race of the season (out of 18).  In the thick of the championship hunt, Scott Dixon (red car) and Will Power (black car) pitted late in the race.  One of Power's crew members was walking with a tire and Dixon clipped him as he drove out.  Fortunately he wasn't hurt but Indycar penalized Dixon a pit drive-thru.

Dixon dropped from first to 15th and Power laughed his ass of as he won the race.  There was debate that the pit member deliberately stuck the tire out in order to hinder his rival.  It could've been an accident because the Indycar pit lanes differ from the lines on the pavement.  Regardless, hitting other pit crews is a black & white issue so there was no room for Dixon to debate.  There was some controversy but regardless, Dixon won the Championship and Power came in 4th overall.  Serves them right.


Back to NASCAR funny antics!  Here's Max Papis and he likes slapping people.  After the Nationwide race at Road America, he pays a little favor to his rival Billy Johnson, while walking away with that shit-eating grin.

And Max Slapis would later get his at a Craftsman Truck Race at Circuit Gilles Villeneue in Montreal.  After getting involved in a late-race wreck, a crazy lady (girlfriend of the driver of the #6 car, Mike Skeen) bitch-slapped him in the face on camera (it's at the end of the video).

Max claimed his jaw was dislocated and his ears rung after that hit.  If so, well, I smell a lawsuit!  No idea what came of it...


More fighting in NASCAR??  NO WAY!!  Rednecks gonna redneck.  BUT FIRST...Le Mans 24 (or "Luh Mah").  Drunken louts mumble and moon the camera.  THIS IS FRANCE, THE CULTURAL CENTER OF THE WORLD, WE DON'T DO SHITE LIKE THIS, RIGHT????

Back to NASCAR, basically Joey Logano is the Grim Reaper.  Well, what do I mean.  Joey gets in a fight with Denny Hamlin after a race at Bristol.  Denny would later get injured at Fontana and sit out for six weeks.

Who's next?  Tony Stewart goes redneck on Joey.  Whoops, Tony gets hurt in a dirt race in Iowa.

And Ryan Newman ALMOST came to blows with Joey but held back.  Good for Ryan!  Cause nobody f**ks with Joey.


Ya wanna see more fighting?  Let's get back to Danica Patrick.  Kyle Petty, "Danica Patrick is not a racecar driver!"  Instant classic, although I wouldn't say Kyle is that much better than Danica.  Only eight Cup Series wins in 30 years of NASCAR.  Ooooo, burned, Kyle!!!  Give Danica a couple more years and a non-shitty race team and she'll whoop your old man ass.  Okay, maybe not, but he makes a good point.  Danica has been in more than her fair share of commercials (plus one Sega racer) and doesn't have much to back it up besides a pair of tits.

But Danica is still not immune!  Here comes Jay Mohr at the NASCAR awards banquet--wait, that ass clown that read jokes off the sheet of paper at Blizzcon??  Yes indeed.  Danica and her new BF Ricky Stenhouse Jr. are not amused.  Seriously, can someone who is NOT an idiot criticize Danica for once?

Oh hey, one more clip.  This is between truck drivers Kevin Harvick (#14) and the "spoiled rich kid" Ty Dillon (#3).  Dillon clips Harvick and they both take a dive.  Harvick pulls up to Dillon's pit stop and gets a sledgehammer tossed at his car.  Last time I checked, getting hit by a tossed sledgehammer can be rather painful.  Whose the wise-ass who threw it?  It's at the end of the clip BTW.

And some more funny/cool shite:

*Brad Keselowski goes for a leisurely jog.
*Tony Stewart REDNECKS at the new cool Kyle Busch.
*Carl Edwards gets paper on his grille and gets in a fight with Greg Biffle when needing to use Greg's bumper as a toothbrush (the story sucks, I apologize).
*Brutal last-lap wreck at Talladega truck race.
*Greg Biffle's pink bumper peels off during the caution and channels his inner Mister Mayhem.

*I become a Kurt Busch fan because he drives the Wonder Bread and City Chevrolet cars in Sprint Cup and Nationwide respectively.  Mad props to him.  Kurt ballin on your chin.

*Donovan McNabb says NASCAR drivers are not athletes.  You know what, Donny boy?  You're a washed up QB like Jake Delhomme and Rex Grossman who bummed your to Superbowl losses against superior teams with superior QB's.  Definition of sport: "An activity involving physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against another or others for entertainment."   Driving fast cars for 3+ hours requires a lot of stamina (and is very frustrating).  Otherwise, everybody would be doing it.  Besides, ESPN airs Poker and Spelling Bee championships and can those be called sports??  GET OUTTA HERE...

*Jimmie Johnson wins his sixth title.  Real shocker there.  Matt Kenseth almost had him but had to choke down the final stretch.  The fans on social media were raged at Jimmie's win because he's a "cheater" and he doesn't deserve it.  Unlike other NASCAR legends like Dale Earnhardt and Richard Petty, Jimmie didn't build his own team from scratch--he basically inherited Hendrick's birthright.  But regardless, kudos to him since to win that many titles when everyone hates your guts is definitely admirable.

*Also, F1.  You thought Jimmie was ruining his sport.  Well, how about Sebastian Vettel, German driver of the Red Bull team?  He won the last 9 races of the 2013 F1 season.  Yes, NINE WINS IN A ROW.  He also won the last four championships in a row.  Now F1 is talking of adding more double points races in order to level the playing field to give trailing drivers a chance to catch up to runaways like Sebastian.  Just like NASCAR instituting the Chase in response to Jimmie's domination (read my thoughts on the Chase here).  Parity, what's that?  Lol...

I pick my nose after every race.

*RIP Jason Leffler.  RIP Allan Simonsen.  RIP Paul Walker.  Fast cars are still not safe.  It makes me sad but they are to be admired for being true gearheads.  I already said my piece on deceased drivers after the Dan Wheldon crash.  Injuries and death keep happening but some would rather risk it than live a boring safe life so kudos man...kudos... ;_;

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! :D :D :D

Classy.

PART ONE RIGHT HERE.

2013 Motorsports Recap! Part One

Hello boys and girls!  It's been a while but don't fear, I come bringing good tidings of old motorsports of 2013!  I stockpiled clips of racing during the whole year to fill your warm fireplaces with joy in this abstinence of race cars this frigid winter.  Ok, let's get it on, I got a lot of catching up to do.

First we will we start with IndyCar.  No, not the Indy 500, but close to it.  This is the Firestone Indy Lights race held on May 24th, two days before the Indy 500.  It's like the Minor League of IndyCar.  But this race had one of the best finishes in history.  It must be watched.  You will never see four cars outside of NASCAR finish this close to each other in a long time.

Once you're done pissing yourself, it's time to move on to May 26th!  Alright, this is the 97th running of the Indianapolis 500, the greatest spectacle of motorsports.  You win the Indy 500, you are a legend among drivers regardless of your other feats as your name goes on that hefty trophy for all time.  Even if you aren't a full-time IndyCar driver, you can still participate for the glory of racing.

This year, the honor goes to a Mr. Tony Kanaan of Brazil.  It was arguably one of the best runnings of the Indy 500 of all time because there were a grand total of 64 lead changes (among 14 different leaders), which eclipsed the previous record of 34 set last year.  While it was exciting, the race ended under a yellow flag because Dario Franchitti wrecked with three laps to go.  Since IndyCar doesn't do Green-White-Checkered finishes like NASCAR (which means you run the 200 laps and no more than that), the race unenthusiastically ends with the cars puttering across the finish line.

There are implications to this.  Kanaan and his rivals, primarily Carlos Munoz and Ryan Hunter-Reay, were exchanging the lead every couple of laps so it was basically a crapshoot going into the final 5-10 laps.  This is because in IndyCar (and not NASCAR), there are rules against blocking faster cars more than once.  If a faster car is about to pass and you can't outrun him, you may only move to block him ONCE, afterwards you give him the right of way or else you're penalized.  Since the cars are so close, they were able to draft and pass each other continuously.  Therefore, had Franchitti not wrecked with three laps to go, Kanaan might've surrendered the lead to Munoz or Hunter-Reay and lost the race.  But no, Franchitti sealed his fate and thus will be receiving a Christmas card by a certain someone this year, I bet.

Vin Diesel's Brazilian cousin.

Now, this finish-under-caution wouldn't be such a downer except for the fact it has happened in the three of the last four Indy 500's with the odd man out actually involving a crash as well but no caution (J.R. Hildebrand's chokejob).  So basically it's "Wreckers or Checkers."  Can't blame 'em cause winning the Indy 500 is the highlight of your career.  But still, I kinda wish they had the GWC finishes like NASCAR does.

Later that day, there was the Coke 600 in Charlotte, the longest race of the NASCAR season.  And the commentators were dumping all over IndyCar for not implementing the GWC finish.  Okay, fine, they make a valid point.  But then they take a text message poll, "Which race is harder to win, the Indy 500 or the Coke 600?"  At that point, I think I shit myself.  Now, I love my NASCAR and can understand the 600 miles are so taxing, but the Indy 500 is the BIGGEST RACE IN THE WORLD and I think tacking on an extra 100 miles (in slower cars too) isn't enough to make it harder than the Indy 500, I'm sorry guys.

As for Formula 1, Monaco was boring and I was too sleepy to pay attention (it aired at 3 am in Florida).  All I remember is Pastor Maldonado being popped like a pimple.  Monaco is apparently too tight to be competitive anymore.

Now, back to NASCAR.  Because I love NASCAR even if it sucks.  A week before the Coke 600, NASCAR holds a mid-season All-Star Race.  It's worth zero season points but it has a million dollar prize for the winner.  It's a short race (90 laps, 135 miles) with four forced cautions to split up the monotony (why???).  It's balls-out racing and there's no teamwork here so cut your opponents off Mario-Kart style for the bookoo bucks!!

Listen to the cool-ass music.  Anyway, this year there were 22 drivers with 21 of them being selected by certain merits--having the most points in the season, winning at least one race, or winning the pre-race event beforehand (the pub all-star event against crappy slow cars who don't stand a chance).  Also, there's room for one additional driver who wins the "fan vote."  Take a wild guess who got into the race this year?  Huh?  From Jasper, Illinois, it's Danica Patrick.  She finished 20th.  And Jimmie Johnson finished first.  OF COURSE, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT???

Now, to dump on NASCAR some more, let's take a look at Tony Kanaan and Jimmie Johnson who won both their respective races.  Jimmie Johnson won $1,000,000.  Want to take a guess what Tony Kanaan won? $2,353,355, a 2014 Corvette Pace Car, and 2014 regular Corvette, and the most fabled race trophy in auto racing.

Go home NASCAR, you're drunk.

Oh boy...there's so many more videos left to show you so I'm going to call it a day for now and post the rest later!  I promise.  Cya tomorrow!

PART 2 RIGHT HERE.

Rush: An Adrenaline Shot In Movie Form

When I heard there was going to be a "Rush" movie in 2013, I nearly pissed myself.  They're making a shitty movie adaptation for San Francisco Rush the game, a la Need for Speed?

Actually, no, this has nothing to do with video games, cause this is "based on a true story."  A really good story about two rival Formula 1 drivers, James Hunt (England) and Niki Lauda (Austria).  And thank you Ron Howard for being an actual petrolhead and not f***ing up this movie like Hollywood usually does (the movie cynic in me enjoys poking holes in things, like this).  88% on Rotten Tomatoes isn't bad!

As you can tell, this was in the 70's when safety was of little concern and musicians actually made decent music.  No seriously, they actually play Gimme Some Lovin' in the first racing scene which proves Ron saw Days of Thunder, or something, so tack on an extra star to the final score!  Rubbin' is racing!!!  Boogity boogity!!!

Here you have the two protagonists, Lauda and Hunt, who are Formula 3 rivals that moved up to Formula 1, and they totally contrast in personality.  James Hunt is a raw talent, a brash driver who loves to party.  He defied F1 driver tradition that a driver must behave and be treated like royalty.  Hunt loved the lady parts, as you can see right away within the first 30 seconds of the movie, Hunt is banging the nurse.  So thank you James for turning this movie into a porno.  He's also bulimic because he throws up before every race.

Mim-bo (noun) - a male bimbo.

On the other hand, Niki Lauda is the MAN.  More reserved, cool, calm, and calculated, he could tune cars like no one's business.  He has a cool-ass name and actually stayed faithful to his wife (at least for a little while).  Niki is what's great about racing.

Pictured: my new man-crush.

So quick rundown of the movie.  Hunt and Lauda are in Formula 3, Hunt wins the championship and later gets a Formula 1 ride with Hesketh, some crappy race team that thought driving a bleached white car with no sponsors is a good idea.  On the other hand, Lauda "cheated," denounced his father's boring-ass businessman lifestyle, took out a big loan, and swooned the Ferrari people by building a superior car that outdid the previous ones by several seconds.  Lauda would then later race a coupe through rural Italy to impress two fanboys and his future wife, proving that he's a baller.  At this point, the HEAT WAS ON between the two gentlemen...

Both sweet whips with that vintage 70's camera tint.  Notice the lack of #hashtags on their names (#twitterblows).

Both drivers took turns having strokes of life-changing bad luck.  Hunt was first.  Hesketh ran out of money and fired Hunt, leaving him to sit at home and watch his wife cheat on his scummy ass.  Hunt would later bang the flight attendant in the restroom to showcase his libido.  Lauda would go on to win his first championship, something that is skimmed over in the film.  The 1976 season is when Hunt gets a ride at McLaren and the two begin their duel.

Season begins in Brazil with some damn hot Carnival babes and quick 10-15 previews of each race of the season.  Lauda would take a commanding lead in the points as Hunt's car would frequently explode.  Hunt goes into Hulk mode and strikes back, winning a few races of his own, making them 1st-2nd in the points.

Later it's the German GP at Nurburgring.  Yes, THE Nurburgring Nordschleife with 154 turns.  And to make things worse, it's raining.  One racer was already hospitalized during practice.  Lauda then holds a driver's meeting and tries to call the race off as too dangerous, Hunt basically calls him a pussy, and the drivers race anyway.  Both Hunt and Lauda opt for wet tires at the start only for the track to dry up quickly and both to go to the pits for dry tires after the first lap.

And here's where Lauda's bad luck strikes.  Obviously way behind from the leader, he pushes the car so hard the suspension breaks on one turn as he goes careening into the wall in a blazing inferno as some other guy wrecks into Lauda's flaming casket.  Lauda suffers paralyzing burns and smoke inhalation while Hunt laughs his ass off as he wins races while Lauda is on the hospital bed.

This wreck seems oddly symbolic to my recent woes that I teared up in the theater.  One morning in May 2013, while racing to work on the wet pavement, I push the car harder than I should in an attempt to make up ground.  Eventually the wet pavement gets the best of me as I slide into a dumpster, smashing it up in the process.  Three days later, I would be fired from my job and sit unemployed for five months as distraught me has to watch my friend and rivals move up the career ladder without me.  My story isn't as bad as Lauda's but the similarities are there!  Fuck wet blacktop parking lots, put up a friggin sign or something.

Eventually, Lauda would go through accelerated therapy, have the junk sucked out of his lungs and the bandaids peeled from his head.  A month passed and Hunt nearly caught up to him in the points.  Lauda gets back out there (a burnt up disfigured mess, no doubt) and after giving the best "fuck you" I've ever heard to an asshole reporter, puts up a solid 4th place at Monza with fans running at his car after the race while Hunt DNF's again.  Which meant one thing...

NIKI LAUDA

IS

BACK

Final race of the season!  It's at Fuji Speedway--PREPARE TO QUALIFY!!!  Oh, and it's raining.  F1 cars can drive in the rain but in the storm that you see here?  Well...yes they could back in the 70's, when they had big balls and the rides were high enough to make wet racing possible.  After one lap of driving through dense fog, Lauda does the most admirable thing a driver can do--goes to the pits and retires from the race.  It's too dangerous, he said, it's not worth risking your lives over a stupid trophy!  Tell that to Hunt who needs to finish 3rd or better to beat Lauda for the grand prize.  It was a nailbiter for Lauda as all he could do is watch and pray Hunt doesn't win...

Obligatory F1 car in the rain shot.

SHOCKER--Hunt finishes 3rd, wins the championship, and Lauda has no regrets.  It wasn't racing, Lauda said, it was stupid of Hunt to risk his life like that.  After a bunch of TV appearances and booze, drug, and women sessions later, Hunt meets Lauda again, Lauda having taken up the hobby of flying planes.  They tip their hats to each other and the movie ends.  Lauda would go on to win two more championships and live to see the premiere of this movie (which he admired, BTW) while Hunt would go on to be a race announcer and die of a heart attack in 1993.  While Hunt turned out to be a washed-up loser who won his only championship cause his main competition was hospitalized by a near-death experience, Lauda later admitted Hunt was the only driver he was ever jealous of.  Which means a lot from the man, myth, and legend that is NIKI LAUDA.

Great movie, would see again.  Very accurate and gives you a sense of what vintage Formula 1 racing was really like  Only disappointment is that there's too much talking in the first half of the movie (come on, I wanna see some racing), plus there's no final race between Lauda and Hunt to settle the score once and for all.  But a final race would be unrealistic.  Also at no point do they play a Rush song in the movie though that would be cheesy as hell.  So I'll give you some Rush right here.

Oh well, I give this FIVE out of FOUR stars (remember the additional one cause of Gimme Some Lovin').  Just go watch the movie, seriously, right away, race in an F1 car to the theater or Redbox now.

1976, same year Fleetwood Mac would release The Chain, best F1 song ever, no question.  I WANNA GO FAST!!!

I can't tell you how many times I typed "Nikia Lauda" while writing this post, lol.

A Nightmarish Week Of Losing My Car And Job

GUYS I'M DOING ALRIGHT NOW.  Sorry about the radio silence.  This has been a really shitty week--let me just describe it as best as I know how.

PRE-MEMORIAL DAY 5/24:
Things are going swimmingly.  The project we're working on received a six-month extension and the company is upsizing!  Everyone is let off work a few hours early but I stay to add an alternate control scheme for the vehicles as presented by another one of the programmers (accel, brake, and steer are mapped to the left joystick).  Got that in, impressed the "boss," and got a three-day weekend (Monday was Memorial Day).

WEDNESDAY 5/29:
After an average Tuesday workday, I drive in to work on a damp Wednesday morning.  As I enter the parking lot in my blue 2-door bullet-shaped sedan, I traverse some slippery black pavement with one more left-hand turn to go before I reach my parking space.  Hit the brakes but OOPS, the car won't slow down or turn as I careen into a fenced region with a dumpster inside at about 20 mph.  Airbags go off, windshield cracks, and an undetermined amount of damage is concurred to the front right of the vehicle as two of my coworkers run over to aid me...and end up slipping on the black pavement as well.  Shows you how ridiculously bad this pavement is in the rain...a sign or a speed bump would've helped you sons of bitches.  It was the most BS way to crash, really.

I am not physically hurt but have to hold back man-tears because of fear my vehicular companion of 7 years may have taken its last ride.  After making a round of calls to the cops, insurance, rental car, AAA guys, one placed to my family, my dad's response was basically "HOLD ON SON JUST LEAVE THE CAR THERE!!" as he hopped in my mom's black 4-door Mercedes and drove 9 hours from Louisiana (my original home) to Florida (my workplace) just to help fix the car.  I called off the tow truck and the rental car as he showed up after work to bang the car together a bit.  Turns out all the damage was cosmetic and all it needed was a new windshield, airbags, and front right light and bumper/panels.  My dad was able to drive it back to the garage to get the windshield replaced which was a miracle in and of itself.

That combined with the ticket would probably set me back at least a week's salary which isn't TOO bad and is certainly a relief because I thought I would be reamed with much more than that.  I didn't think things could get much worse than this but guess what--it did! :D

FRIDAY 5/31:
So anyway, after spending some impromptu quality time with my dad on Thursday, he jets back to Louisiana Friday morning in my blue car for repairs while I drive the Benz to work for the second day in a row.  All is good as me and everyone else appear to be loafing around the office before the weekend arrives.

At 6 pm, one of the HR ladies comes to my office saying she needs to speak with me.  I say okay, and we make this rather awkward walk down the hall to the conference room.  I've seen that expression on her face before, the one that's like "you're fucked so I won't say anything to you" as I'm forced to sit in the room alone for a few minutes waiting for people to show up for the eventual sacrificial lamb ceremony.  Two more HR people arrive and, to summarize, say "We're letting you go at the end of your probation period because the engineers say you have had performance issues, goodbye."  (FYI, engineer = programmer)

At this point, I turn pale as my worst nightmare turns true--I had failed to hold down my second job for ridiculous reasons and all I could think of was the metaphorical vacuum cleaner that had sucked me right out of the womb and tossed me into the dumpster--the very one I had run into two days ago.  I beg them to tell me what I had done wrong or how I could have improved but they basically deflected it, saying that they're not engineers so they have no idea.  Hey, this is wonderful.  I'm being let go from my job without a single clue on how to improve myself going into my next job.  It's as if the cowardly engineers who called for my abortion decided not to stare me in the face one last time and try to help me out as a human being in need of improvement just so that they could bolt home from work and get the weekend started a few minutes later.  You've gotta be kidding me.

After getting shit-canned for the second time for no good reason, watching both my car and my job get destroyed in seconds, I panic and start calling friends and family, including my parents, to tell them about how molested I had just felt.  What happens next? Dad calls and says "HOLD ON SON I'LL BE THERE TO BRING YOU HOME!!"  That's right, my dad who had just arrived back in Louisiana after driving 18 hours in the last two days insisted on driving straight back to Florida AGAIN (in a different car besides the blue bullet) with my brother and his GF in tow just to help me pack up my stuff and return home with my family.  Apparently I couldn't have made the 9-hour drive alone by myself (I was too emotionally wrecked) and my mom wanted me home for her birthday (June 2nd, 2 days from now) so yep, there goes my dad again.

SATURDAY 6/1:
At this point in time, all I could think about is why exactly was I fired and how utterly distraught I was.  Was it because I was a terrible employee?  Was it because I wasn't smart or good enough at this job career?  Or was it because I rubbed my boss the wrong way?  These are thing that had me in a cold sweat as my dad showed up at 5 am to pick me up and drive me home that day, making him drive a grand total of 36 hours in the last three days.  Thanks game studio for sucking ass and not firing me on a Thursday.  Would've saved us a lot of stress and gas money.

I get home and spend time with my family at last.  Too bad as soon as I get home, the house basically collapses in on itself as I have to contend with other issues--Brother #1's girlfriend who is always getting in fights and stirring up trouble, Brother #2's loudmouth friends and irrational obsession with whoever uses his toothbrush, Brother #3 and his friend always playing video games and bothering me at every waking moment.  It's like not only did getting fired fuck up my life, it also fucked up my family's cause now I'm another obstacle that's trying to inhibit progress or some bullshit like that.

MONDAY 6/3:
After a weekend's worth of radio silence, I finally get in touch with one of my friends at the company.  He says that I was the only one fired and that there were meetings going on discussing why exactly I was fired.  In other words, every single person, including the engineers who called for my head, was discussing my termination with everyone else EXCEPT FOR THE PERSON WHO ACTUALLY GOT FIRED which is me.  There was nothing I could do but picture my sacrificial lamb corpse being flogged and molested some more as every single lie about me propagated through that building and all my credibility was shot to hell.

I immediately fell sick once again as my mother decided to take actions into her own hands and send a "to whom it may concern" email to the company in a last-ditch attempt to find out what was being said about me.  Was this a good idea?  I DON'T KNOW, I'm in panic mode as it is so it's not like things could get that much worse.  Who replied?  The head of the company, not one of the engineers, who rather than try to find out some legitimate information replied with a jerk-ass email about how he's sorry and how it's a big company and you suck so STFU and never bother us again.  My mother was aghast and so was I.

TUESDAY 6/4:
Another miserable day and, after rocking the boat for so long, I finally get some sort of e-mail response from an anonymous engineer (though I can tell who it is) with a list of wrongdoings and things I could do to improve myself.  The list was mostly bullshit--basically a couple of one-time errors that I had made in the last two weeks that I had since then apologized and corrected.  What's one for instance?  "Including vestigal code that could possibly break the game's logic or the build in the future."  It was one instance of me setting a UDK actor as the parent of another actor and that was over a month ago.  Boss man asked me what I had meant by that code and I walked in, succinctly explained what it had meant by these few lines of code from a long time ago, and they were removed and no harm was done.  But somehow, because of this one incident, I was essentially leaving landmines throughout the entire database.  Okay.

Another thing--"Doesn't know how to follow design documents or take instruction."  This one I love so much.  Basically, the last thing I was working on with the game was UDK vehicles--a tank and two 4-wheel-vehicles to be specific.  And after receiving a bunch of good feedback on how the vehicles have handled, I received an outdated design document for the vehicle as well as feedback from various designers, some of whom spent time in countless meanings or weren't at work at all.  So I was sorta left with a bunch of incomplete, conflicting design ideas for the vehicles, some of which I had to bang together and hand off to whomever was reviewing them at the moment.  I always carried and pen & paper with me to write down any suggested changes which I implemented one-by-one.  Yet somehow, it's all my fault for being a lousy employee.

Yet another thing--"Don't submit huge chunks of code at once and review over it 100 times."  Basically, just be all tippy-toed when editing code which IMO sorta conflicts with my programming methodology.  I just took very small steps trying to edit large systems of the game and whenever I'd try to hurry things up, I'd get a stern lecture.  It was really nonsensical and is another thing that just clashed with my boss.

And lastly, the most fun of all--"Repeatedly late" and "Always playing games in his spare time."  The time frame to arrive in the morning is from 8 to 10 am.  You must stay for 9 hours each day.  Me, I opted to arrive at 10 am and leave at 7.  It was a good deal and my bosses rarely spoke up against it.  But somehow, in that last week, wrecking my car and limping to work late didn't help my cause any.  It's like the flair from Office Space--you want me to show up at 9 am?  Then make it a rule to show up at 9 AM!!!  As for the games--we always have a one-hour lunch break to hang out and play games if we like.  I was playing games during that time but because of how low-pressure the time was that last week of employment, I would occasionally open up my iPhone to click on my Tiny Tower buildings.  Not like I replaced work with games...I just started running out of work that last week because everyone was either in a meeting or simply loafed around as well.

In short, my worst nightmares had come true--my boss only took the worst aspects of my tenure (from his point of view), blew them up really large, and used them to incriminate me as a terrible employee.  To make it worse, my boss had opted not to be transparent with my wrongdoing this whole entire time, essentially feigning friendship with me until the last moment when I was taken out via a firing squad he wasn't even present in.  I still have yet to reply to that e-mail.  Technically, they have my balls in a vice so I can't reply even with the slightest disagreement since they'll think I've learned nothing and won't give me a positive reference in my future employment.  Just the quality of everything has went to shit since I got fired.  Did I learn something from all this?  Sure!  Be more transparent with your boss.  Be more conscientious with your image.  Also try showing up to work a little earlier and put down the iPhone.  But there are ALWAYS things you can do better to improve your image so that's beside the point.

TLDR: The whole thing boils down to this--I had a picky boss whom had duped me into thinking I was doing a good job up until the very last moment when I was fired and accused of being a terrible employee.  He had taken forever to get back to me with a crummy email listing a bunch of wrongdoings I don't necessary agree with.  I am currently unemployed and living with my parents but I'll find another game programming job somewhere (I SURE HOPE SO) and hopefully rebound from this mess.  Thanks for reading.  I want to get back on-topic with some Sega stuff, some Indy 500 or NASCAR talk, it's just that I feel like I've been dunked repeated in a tub of dog piss over the last couple of days so it's gonna take some serious time to recover.  Thanks for your understanding.

OOPS, WRECKED MY CAR!!!

Well guys, one of the least pleasant things in my life happened today.  You're not going to believe it coming from me but here goes...

I wrecked my car for the very first time.  Before everyone panics, let me get some good things out of the way now.  Nobody, including myself was hurt.  The car, for the most part, is intact.  Very little damage to everything else besides my car.  I have insurance and a AAA and the cops didn't treat me like some outlaw or adrenaline junkie.  My dad is on the way here to help me get my car fixed.  Still, I wrecked my car.

Let me explain what happened.  It's raining, I'm in the office complex's parking lot and have one left turn to go before I made it to my building.  The problem was this black pavement turns into black ice when wet.  I really had no idea until it's too late.  I can't steer or brake at 25 mph as I careen forward into a dumpster behind a fence.  No thanks to the lack of ABS but meh, it wouldn't have helped much anyway.  The air bags deployed but I wasn't slapped in the face or anything.  I was able to start the engine, turn the wheel entirely left & right, play the CD, turn on the air conditioner, and roll up & down the windows.  The main damage came from the right front light which was smashed along with some usual rumbling on the front right wheel, plus the windshield was cracked, the right door won't open, and the air bags obviously went off.

I sorta wept man tears for a while knowing that I had potentially killed my companion of seven years over a stupid incident that could've been prevented.  Thankfully, everything else went okay.  A utility worker called the police for me (lovely), the cop didn't ream me too hard with a ticket ($130), and I was able to drive the car into a nearby parking spot (boy, it would be nice to leave work and see my car parked next to yours...just needs blood on the windshield and doors).  I am feeling better about the car's chance for survival and my ability to rebound.  Personally, I would prefer not to buy a new car for three main reasons--odds are it won't perform any better than my old car (as in it handled well, was clean, and required minimum maintenance), I plan on moving to Britain in a year or two to work for Sumo Digital assuming I get a job there, and I love my old car.  It's a real shit-sucker but to be honest, if you KNEW you were going to get in a wreck some day, this is the best way to wreck.  No one's hurt and everything's being remedied rather quickly.

Still...this has to be the most punk ass bitch way of causing a wreck.  Basically sprinkle the ground with vasoline, make it rain, and don't warn people about potentially slipper terrain.  I mean, put a "slow down when wet" sign or even a speed bump for God's sake--those things suck but at least they would've saved my ass.  Had this been a wreck on dry terrain and/or involving another driver, my morale as an "outstanding driver" would've been shot to hell.  But here, I'm just fuckin' pissed and want to get back on the road as soon as possible.  I don't want to pay a bunch of money, talk to a bunch of random strangers, and wait a long-ass time to get driving again.  That's what makes this so difficult...

Really, could be a worse wreck...see my family friend who decided to ramp a ditch in his Corvette and end up deep in the woods.  Lol, really, you can still see the tire marks where he went off road.  Me on the other hand, just get a hammer and some duct tape and you're ready to go.  Finish 20 laps down but hey, you still get credit for finishing.

There is a mixed blessing among this.  One being that I get to hang out with my dad again.  Another being that I've "experienced" a wreck and have a new-found appreciation for life.  Third being that it gives me more ammo to joke about.  Like being fired or vomiting after a large meal with some friends, it's like "hawhaw, here's some funny jokes at my expense."  That's more source material which is good!

I'll probably post pics later cause I don't care.  I certainly hope I recover soon.  Plus I want to talk about the races over the last two weeks so hang on for those.  Car wrecks aren't going to break my stride.  Semi-relevant video:

HE'S SEEN THE FEAR...HE NEEDS SEGA RACER THERAPY!!!

Gearbox Gets A Tire Flung At Its Head

This is as brief a post as possible since I'm tired and not in a very witty mood.

So there's Aliens: Colonial Marines.  Everyone knows that was one of Sega's babies.  Everyone knows Sega blew seven years of time & resources on it.  Everyone knows that it sucks.  And now everyone knows that Gearbox basically shifted resources from Aliens to other projects, particularly Borderlands and (get ready for it) Duke Nukem Forever.  This is a great link to read--here's the "anonymous" Sega employee at it again but unlike Zach Morris, this guy actually seems credible.  And even more Sega & Gearbox employees are confirming the same thing.  Apparently all those layoffs and the TimeGate outsourcing confirm that there was foul play here.  Oh, and before you say Sega should sue, apparently they can't because Gearbox basically met the contract and Sega just made a stupid mistake and LET 'EM OFF THE HOOK!!!

It just eats me up on the inside cause you look at it, here's Borderlands (a game I'm indifferent towards) which everyone gushes over "OMG GEARBOX AND 2K, SO AWESOME!!!"  And Sega money basically contributed to it.  But does Sega get anything from Borderlands's success?  No.  What a piece of crap.

And Gearbox CEO Randy Pitchford reminds me of Tim Tebow.  Tebow's a pretty cool guy but Randy's a dick.  I even saw a few job opportunities pop up at Gearbox during my tenure at grad school and there was a slight chance I would've gone but no--they suck, I wouldn't deal with Gearbox ever again.  Again, I hope Sega gets their head out of their ass and does a better job at publishing games where the developers don't wander off like idiots.

And then tomorrow is the Daytona 500.  You know I'm not at the race (I'm still at home in Slidell, Louisiana) and and I sure as heck am not going to drive straight there and buy scalped tickets outside the front door or hang on the outside fence Reese Bobby style, like this:

Well if it isn't your mangy, transient grand-daddy...

But just so you know, there was a wreck on Saturday's Nationwide Race on the last lap (can people finish races at Daytona anymore without a wreck???).  And people got hurt.  If you were hanging on the fence like Reese, well...watch out.

No, this isn't Final Destination, this is real.  At least the friggin grandstands don't topple to the ground!

Chris Graythen from Getty Images with the IMPRESSIVE photograph.

"HOLY SHIT!" indeed...pieces of debris as well as a tire from the wrecked #32 car flew through & over the fence on the final lap and injured 28 people (one in critical condition).  Literally, a 50-pounded shredded tire was on the seat right next to the guy (they're super hot, don't touch 'em).  Where I sat and took pics at the last two Daytona races (see here and here) was awfully close to where that tire ended up.  I was closer to the pit row entrance.  Either way, geez, it makes you think...

Now, this isn't even close to the biggest auto racing accident in history (that would be the 1955 Le Mans where 83 people died and 120 were injured, DAMN!!).  But this just cements one thing for me again and that is....I can't take seeing these wrecks lightly anymore.  I like cars and I know that wrecks are part of the sport but when you got people living in fear of fluke wrecks and debris destroying property and huring innocent people, I can't stand it.  Why I don't like these Burnout games and stuff.  And I know some people are saying "well you go to the race so you're taking a chance."  You wanna see a chance, look at those guys at the rally races which are within a few feet from a car slipping around on dirt.  Here, you're sitting back a couple of rows from a giant tire to fly right at their head.  Bits of debris and smoke, yeah, but heavy objects, no.

Had I been at the Daytona 500 tomorrow, I would've brought another Sega sign and waved it, but there's the chance they could lockdown on keeping people away from the fence which sucks.  So maybe I wouldn't have taken the pic anyway.  Just tragic all around this kind of stuff, NASCAR is getting more disappointing to watch. :(

NASCAR Ass-Kicking

Everyone who watches NASCAR knows I'm going to cover this so here goes.

To set the stage, Jeff Gordon (#24) and Clint Bowyer (#15) had a bit of a rivalry going on for months.  Late in the race, Gordon and Bowyer rub cars and Gordon's car is subsequently damaged.  Enraged and blaming Bowyer for deliberately hitting him, Gordon slows down and waits for Bowyer before hitting him again, sending Bowyer and two innocent drivers into the wall.  Bear in mind that Bowyer was 3rd in the Chase standings and had he finished strong here, he had an outside shot at winning the Chase championship next race at Miami-Homestead.  But no--Gordon took Bowyer out of the Chase altogether.  Over the radio, Gordon said he deliberately hit Bowyer.  What happened was Gordon getting ambushed by Bowyer's team and Bowyer running to yell at Gordon.  In other words, it was like a monkey f***ing a football so you must watch the whole video.

"That was a real act of a champion."
5 Hour Energy.  When you gotta whip someone's ass.

This is not the first or last time this has happened (here's some rubbin & racin).  I don't know what to say.  I still stand by what I said before and that is race car driving is the most frustrating of all the competitive events.  Well Jeff Gordon, a four-time championship winner, had flushed his reputation down the drain, at least for the moment.  Over one stupid thing.   Could've thrown a brick through Bowyer's house window or spike his coffee (Dumb & Dumber style) but no, had to wreck cars.  And this is an interesting story but in a Jerry Springer/Maury way.  It's not good and it makes us look like a bunch of idiots.  I know I mentioned "vigilante justice" and how Bowyer supposedly had it coming to him, but this is embarassing and Gordon should get his ass parked for the last race of the season, maybe more.  Goodbye AARP Drive to End Hunger!  Now old people will starve.

EDIT: Hey look, here's Brad the Champ cursing out Gordon and Bowyer.  Brad explains the difference between racing hard and racing stupid.  Well said.  This is Brad's Chase to lose and two idiots are taking the moment away from him.  Warning: Profanity, but who cares.

Hilarious, I'm watching Speed Channel and there's a Hendrick Motorspots 200 Win Special, crowning Jeff Gordon's ass.  Yet, at the same time, Speed's airing the Kurt Busch: Outlaw Special.  So basically, according to Speed, Jeff Gordon = good, Kurt Busch = bad.  My how the tables have turned.  I can only imagine how the next episode of the Michael Waltrip Racing Special will turn out.  Also, why is everything on TV a "special" anyway?

So the race was red-flagged with a G-W-C finish (basically two laps to decide a winner).  After sitting on your ass for some amount of time watching these idiots fight, the race goes on.  Our beloved Danica Patrick hits the wall on the first lap and starts limping to the finish line.  No yellow flag!  Somehow Danica's car drops invisible oil (again) and this causes a few cars to spin out and ignite going across the finish line.  Brilliant finish.

In other words, NASCAR is now about a bunch of s*** blowing up.  I almost feel ashamed especially how everyone was cheering on Jimmie Johnson to crash and not get his 6th Chase win (which is the case as it's now Brad's chase to lose).  Eh, if Richard Petty and Dale Sr. could win 7 championships, who said Jimmie can't win 6?  I made this quote up: "Everybody loves a winner.  Everyone hates a repeat winner."  Stop hating on successful people already, sheesus.  Wait, I changed my mind, I don't care what happens to Johnson.  Also, as much as I hate Burnout, I'd much rather you take out your aggression in that game than in real-life.  Enough of the Haterade, NASCAR sucks.

... Okay, I'll leave with one video.  Watch this guys, even if you screw up and are disliked by everyone, there is hope for redemption.  The Darrell Waltrip Experience.

EDIT AGAIN: Just some stupid crap that went down.  So the first Jeff Gordon-Clint Bowyer video I embedded was taken down due to copyright.  From a YouTube user called "imJustTheGOAT."  Who then proceeded to upload the same clip again under his account.  I presume this guy doesn't own NASCAR footage so why is he taking down other NASCAR clips and re-uploading them under his account?  Just to stroke his massive ego?  Stupid YouTube, I can't believe they allow this crap.  Ruining websites with bad videos and getting accounts suspended for copyright infringement from guys who don't even own the copyright, what a piece of s***.

On Hiatus & More Model2 Games At Last

I'll try to make this quick as possible.  Anyway, I'm not posting much because right now I'm busy, tired, and lazy at the same time (awesome, huh?).  The racing timeline and Super Sprint are both on hiatus (of course, like I needed to tell you that) but I am working on some other things I have yet to share that might surprise you.  Might change a few things on the blog as well.

Anyway, in case you're just an idiot who hasn't read any of the Sega sites recently, Sega has surprised us with a five-pack of Model2 arcade classics--Virtua Fighter 2, Virtua Striker, Sonic: the Fighters, Fighting Vipers, Virtual On.  Boy, the amount of "Virtua" and "Fighters" in that list is outstanding.  Love me some Sega-AM2 Magical Palm Tree Games.

But I am glad, I really am.  None of the games are on my "OMG MY LIFE IS COMPLETE" list and it seems strange we'd get three fighting games, but what the hell--they are all unique in their own ways.  Plus they will have online multiplayer which is GREAT.  The games are only limited to Japan but Sega would be stupid not to release them in the West.

I think it's great that Sega is really starting to ramp up on the classic ports.  Sega's glory days are relived in a new era for all the little kids to bear witness to.  But a part of me can't help but feel a bit irritated Sega isn't doing anything "new" with these games.  Oh, there' the widescreen support and the online multiplayer (some of them anyway) but when you look at it, we already had these games playable on the emulators.  The fans beat Sega to the home releases.  I would love to see Sega take these games to the next level and "one-up" us fans.  (EDIT: Sonic the Fighters port got Honey the Cat and Eggman as characters--I'm not knowledgeable on the game but that's what I'm looking for).  They have...sort of, but they made some mistakes.  Like this Jet Set Radio port--the game's great but the graphics aren't as stellar as the original Dreamcast version.  And then there's Crazy Taxi without the Offspring and the KFC.  And there's Sega Bass Fishing without the Dreamcast Fishing Controller--a regular joystick doesn't do the game justice at all.  Most of these things are peanuts but they add up.

But it's funny...El Semi, the Nebula Model2 emulator creator, went AWOL for some time and I think he had a role in assisting Sega with some of these recent ports, Daytona USA included.  I think anyway, it's just "cool" to assume that.  Now Bart, Supermodel3 emulator creator, put Supermodel on hiatus for a while and I'M NOT SUGGESTING ANYTHING BUT...what the hell I really am--but we could get some Model3 ports in the future.  Thanks, Bart!  I think seeing these Model2 games really improves the odds of seeing re-releases of Daytona 2, Sega Rally 2, and Scud Race.  What a glorious day that would be though knowing Sega, I wouldn't bet on it just yet.

Just so you know, it was in 2008 that Kotaku hosted an interview with Sega of America's Simon Jeffery.  And he was on record saying Sega "lost the source code" to some of our favorite games.  Which really sucks because if you know anything about game design, it's nigh impossible to expand on games without the source code.  And at the time, we panicked about the prospect of Sega losing the source code to Daytona USA.  I think the superb XBL/PSN ports put that to rest.

But I really wonder if they still have the source code to Daytona 2/Scud Race on source control or some USB drive somewhere.  I mean, those games weren't as successful as Daytona 1 so it's possible that bad things could happen to it..  Either someone deletes it on purpose (assumes the game will never be touched again) or on accident (with the source code to hundreds of Sega games on your computer, a few of them might get wiped out).  Or the computer could break or just die on you like that.  Not trying to downplay the massive devastation that Japan underwent a year & a half ago but God forbid some natural disaster were to occur at Sega HQ or somewhere and take out the source code like that.  It's a possibility.

Really though, I still assume the source code to these games exist SOMEWHERE.  And if I could open that s*** up and check it out, I would.  With the fervor of an AP History teacher getting early copies a day before the exam.  And if the code DOESN'T exist...well, I've said it before and I'll say it again--WE'LL REBUILD DAYTONA 2 AND SCUD RACE OURSELVES!!!  IT CAN BE DONE!!!

And then there's NASCAR--everyone's golden boy Dale Jr. suffered a concussion at Talladega, the second of the season, and by doctor's orders is forced to sit out two races, erasing any chances that he had at being the Chase victor.  The first concussion seemed to have an impact on his performance.  You never truly recover from these things anyway and too many and you have to retire.  Surely all the talk about wrecks and we tend to forget that these drivers can actually get hurt (hell, we have Dan Wheldon die on us a year ago) and it takes away these guys' abilities to do what they love to do and that is friggin race cars.

All I have to say is even if you are out of the picture and have no chance at getting a trophy, an accolade, or even a pat on the back, then go out there and perform for pride.  I don't mean the deadly sin but say, "You know what, I'm alive, I have opposable thumbs, I'm gonna do this to make myself and the Lord above happy," so go get 'em guys.  Win anyway, even if there's no reward if you do.

Hah, turns out this post wasn't quick at all.  Until then, check out some slippin and slidin from the Hornet.

Talladega, Oh The Humanity!

NASCAR is boring.  BAWWWWWW...watch the last few laps of the Good Sam "DAD I FOUND A TURTLE!!!" 500.

These cars are going 190 mph.

This is RaceBuddy--Dale Jr. on the left, Jeff Gordon on the right.  You thought changing lanes on the highway was bad, well try doing that here, slick!

Then with less than a half to go, they all died. Tony Stewart went for the block but was pit maneuvered sideways into the crowd.  I can't totally blame him...he's trying to win.  Had they made it just a few more seconds they would've made it to the finish like okay.  But no, like Ahnuld Schwarzenegger in the Jingle All The Way movie, they all made a mad dash for DA TURBO MAN action figure at the finish line and the result?  OH THE HUMANITY!!!

Good Guy Junior givin Jimmie Johnson a ride to the garage.

I know there's a good saying "People only watch NASCAR for the wrecks," and I don't really believe that's the case for most people.  I enjoy the pure adrenaline of going 190+ mph and defying those wrecks.  But when I saw that 20-car pileup, I wasn't impressed or entertained, I was saddened.  Saddened because Junior's championship hopes were shot (though Jeff Gordon is back in the hunt) but also because of the carnage that ensued.  Nobody was hurt, but there was a lot of twisted metal.

TOTAL CAR-NAGE!!

To quote Sheriff John Bunnell, a stock car is a "beautiful and exciting machine."  Man, that horsepower, that transmission, the suspension & tires, I mean I like stock cars the way they are.  I mean I don't mind rubbin' cause it is racing after all, but when a car is incapacitated, it's a damn shame.  The car sort of becomes its own entity like "There goes that Diet Mountain Dew car!" and you can't help but smile (if you're a Junior fan).  It's intent was to go fast, not to wreck.  Sure, it's meant to take damage if the situation goes bad, but I'm fairly certain every team wants to see their car finish in one piece.  And it sucks that a lot of the fans assume these things are expendable tin cans or something.  Boy, I would kill to own my own stock car.  If you owned one, would you want to wreck it.  HELL NO.

Daytona USA 2 has possibly the most violent damage models in any Sega racer I know of, but I shrug it off because A. wrecks have no real effect on car performance and B. pit stops miraculously rid your car of all cosmetic damage.  This is apparently different in real life since stock cars can take even the slightest of hits and they may be done for the day.

Besides, think of this--when a few cars wreck and a caution comes out, it's "cool" to see the wreck, but then the action stops for a few minutes.  Is that what you want to see?  Maybe time for a restroom break I guess.

EDIT: Dale Jr. lost his cool after the race and says that anyone who likes these race results are "bloodthirsty."  Said he would quit if every race ran that way.  I know he was frustrated at the moment (I was too for Junior) but I agree--if you want to see wrecks, go watch a damn destruction derby.  Or play Burnout.  I mean, G-dammit, not every car needs to get smashed like a pinata.  I'm f***in sick of it too.

But what can you say?  If there were no wrecks, then there would be no fear or excitement of going fast and apparently, too long of a green flag stretch would bore viewers out of their minds.  So as long as stock cars race, wrecks will happen and that's the breaks.  You live with it, even if it hurts your poor little feelings.  It's like finding out about the poor baby turtles on the beach trying to swim into the ocean and many get mauled by seagulls and crabs and it sucks ass but what can you do about it?  NOTHING.

Sheesus...I made a post about wrecks in racing like two years ago.  A damn good post too.  And basically all this crash talk illustrates why I have so much disdain for wreck 'em racers like Burnout and Split-Second. But I don't want to talk about those two anymore cause they make me vehemently ill when I do.

Tony Stewart the insane maniac, always looking out for the fans.
A figure 8 in NASCAR...holy s***, give this guy a cigar.

Oh, and one more thing.  Don't give me this nonsense about how NASCAR is all about the wrecks and Formula 1 is the real deal.  I think I've seen about three F1 races this season where there was a wreck ON THE FIRST TURN of the race.  Monaco, Suzuka, and some other one that got a month's worth of footage on Speed Channel (cause some driver's head was nearly taken out by a flying car).  Besides, those that talk down of NASCAR and say F1 is better probably don't watch F1 either--they're just sticking it to the rednecks.  Screw 'em, I love F1 cars but I love them stock cars too.  BOOGITY BOOGITY BOOGITY!!!

Burnout Needs More Flipping SUVs

Hello folks, I have a big stack of stuff to talk about but not enough time so I'll leave you with this brief post.  I was browsing an article on Need for Speed: Most Wanted (the new one) and my eye glazed over something interesting in this promotional image:

See that Ford Explorer police SUV in the upper right corner with the red arrow photoshopped on it?  Anyone mind telling me why that 2-ton SUV is popping a wheelie on its back right tire like that?  Not just a normal wheelie--this is a BIG wheelie that's about to roll the damn brick over which doesn't make any sense.  Ever try to not just roll a car but flip three wheels (as opposed to two or four) at once?  Not that easy.

Did the SUV hit some other car?  No, doesn't look like there was anything in its path (besides that other SUV it's about to hit) plus there's no visible damage present meaning it didn't plow into anything, I guess.

Did the SUV hit a bump or a ramp?  Nope, just flat pavement with a few rain puddles.  Sure, there was that curb/sidewalk to its right but hitting that would elevate right side, not the left.  Maybe it was trying to counter-steer the right wheelie and flipped the left tires as a result.  But then why are the front wheels pointing straight as if the driver wasn't reacting to the flip at all?

Also the SUV is driving in the opposite direction of the criminal which means it had to build up a lot of speed heading straight for that other SUV & railing (ker-splash into the water) which makes no f'n sense whatsoever.  Wrong way, buddy.  To elevate three wheels (as opposed to four) on a heavy SUV that high with nothing nearby to instigate liftoff is befuddling.

So what's REALLY happening here?  Was there some ramp off-screen we didn't see?  Was the dumbass cop trying to turn on a dime so hard that it rolled itself in the process?  Did the SUV use hydraulics?  Did the cop go into "stupid AI mode" like in GTA/Driver in that they bounce recklessly off every damn thing (including the innocent drivers they're trying to protect) in a vain attempt to wreck you?  Or did Criterion dumb down the car physics so everything bounces around like plastic bottles filled with helium?

That cop's just playing Cruis'n World, what else.

No, seriously, check out the hi-res image for yourself and see.  WTF, Criterion.  Flipping cars over in unrealistic fashion in promo images--this is too much.  Police will do anything to stop criminals.  Token John Bunnell introduction.  Put him in Most Wanted and I'll change my mind on this lousy POS game.  Joyriders in luxury cars think this is fun & games but to us cops, IT'S A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH.

I'M ON A PLANE YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS

Hi guys, I'm back in Orlando in front of the computer and I can't really post anymore.  So I'm winging it--here goes.

I had a good two weeks with the family in the nice big house.  I was sad to go.  These breaks I have off are a real reality check, man.  One day, you're with your family, pets, and old friends staring at the water and the trees.  Next day, you're back in the cell again locked up with a bunch of homies who rave nonstop about Mass Effect and drinking beer.  Okay, that was low, sorry dudes.  But really, just strange to see people that aren't in that 25-35 age bracket for once.

Anyway, I flew home on Delta Airlines and I had a layover at Atlanta's Hartsfeld-Jackson Airport.  Yeah, reppin' the ATL, ya dig.  I was the guy with the Daytona Speedway hat.  Missed the 9:50 pm flight to Orlando cause the previous flight swerved out of the way of bad weather and took forever to let people off the plane.  Yeah, try running to another terminal while carrying two laptops in one bookbag.  So I ate a Burger King cheeseburger (that must've taken 10 minutes to make, so much for fast food) then I sweated it out, waiting for standby as the packed me into the 10:50 flight to the same destination.  So that's great.  I didn't lose my bag with the Xbox 360 & Rock Band Keyboards so that's a great, great success.

I really want to know what's the deal with these fancy airports.  They're like high class malls but you can't just park and chill out--you gotta fly somewhere or get lost.  So they have the food court and the book stores--I get it, but there must be a BILLION book stores, phone accessory stores, jewelry stores--they sell all the small things.  And they manage to cram these fancy restaurants like steakhouses or sushi bars in these narrow little concourses surrounded by boarding gates.  You see that Chili's over there?  Feels just like home!!  It seems awfully sporadic but I'll take it cause I like malls so yeah, it's cool.  Too bad you're usually hauling ass to the gate so you have time for nothing, not even a shoe shine.

On both flights, you get schooled on safety instructions.  Which makes sense--guess it's some sort of federal mandate.  But you can't simply fly anymore without being reminded "oh, you're gonna crash."  It's like trying to eat McDonald's without someone tapping you on the shoulder, "oh, you're gonna be get fat."  Debbie Downers.  On the flight to Orlando, stand-by put me right next to the emergency exit and I was like "ooohhhh noooo..."  I gotta rehearse opening the door!  And when do I open it?  I didn't ask for this!!



I can't believe they put the Delta In-Flight video on YouTube but they did.  My life is complete.  Nooooo smoking!!

I was listening to music on the plane.  First up was Steve Miller Band!  Fly Like an Eagle!  Jet Airliner!  Next up is Tom Petty.  Free Fallin!  Yeah, that was weird.  What's weirder was how the flight attendants took my Coke away and made everyone turn off the electronic devices 10 minutes before landing.  What's the big deal guys???  Breakin' my stride.  At least I got to show you fools what's up by playing Super Sprint at 30,000 feet!  Wait, should've busted out the Supermodel emulator...what a wasted opportunity.  They have the Mile High Club--well I got the Mile High...Video Game Design Club.

Considering the cost to fly, the hassle of having to bring all the stuff, waiting at the terminal, and sitting next to random strangers, it's much cheaper and about just as quick to drive home for 8 hours.  I haul my own damn luggage--no bag fees, no size restrictions, nothing.  Crank the volume up and take those interstate exits OutRun-style.  Just need to get behind the wheel of that bad boy and cruise on home, not slowing down for anybody (except the toll booths and the occasional state trooper my radar detector picks up).

Back in Orlando, I already miss home.  Made my rounds about the mall and got to pet the dogs one more time.  I had my doubts before leaving and I sure have a lot more of an emotional bond with things than my fearless teammates who work anywhere and on anything without question.  But that's okay because as you get older, you start to get used to these things.  I've been through high school for 4 excruciating years.  Been through Southeastern Louisiana University for another 4 years.  Now I'm here.  3rd time I left the house for FIEA.  This ain't new--I can make it.  And we're closer to finishing those super l33t games.  Plus I might get to go to the second Daytona race on July 7.  Also I don't have to worry about my little brother getting on my 360, embarrassing my good name on XBL by dying a lot on Black Ops Zombies so that is good news too.

So I'm spending a lot of my time now working on Super Sprint and Battle Fortress Tortoise so I may not post as much in the future.  It's not that this semester is hard but I'm also feeling glum about Sega.  Not that they're doing bad, but when you look at the games, I'm having a hard time getting into it.  Sonic & Mario at the Olympic Games sold 3.3 million copies.  Who's buying this?  Lots of kids and Sonic fanboys.  I saw next to nothing in terms of enthusiasm on the sites I visit.  But then again, the ability to shoot stuff as Vector the Crocodile almost makes it worthwhile.

Then after that, there's Sonic Generations, Yakuza, Football Manager, etc.  Sales are good but I'm having a hard time getting hyped about any game, Sega games included.  Yeah, there's Sonic & Sega Racing 2 (I refuse to call it by its actual title) but I still have slight doubts that it'll cater to hardcore racing fans like me and the OutRun 2 gang or is it all the Sonic/Dreamcast scenery porn at the oh-so-lousy 30 fps?  Let's see what you got, Sumo--make that damn racing game.

Well, that's it.  I got a lot of stuff on the stack of stuff to talk about, Super Sprint included, if only I have the time & focus to do it in a cohesive manner.

EDIT: There's one more thing I forgot to mention.  I sat in a window seat on the night flight home (twice actually...the flight going home two weeks ago).  Got to see the city lights as far as the horizon.  Very rarely do you get to see the forest from the trees.  Roads, window lights, parking lots, cars all lit up.  Outstanding--reminds me of a Billy Joel song.  I only imagine what it looks like at Christmas.  I only wish I had brought my camera so I'm gonna steal one from Google.  (Attribution)

Orlando at night.