GameInformer Curbs Their Disappointment

Hello kids, I'm not fully motivated to type right now but once again, two GameInformer magazines are tossed on the table and I couldn't resist the urge to rip 'em again.  I have both the Dec. 2011 and Jan. 2012 issues.

But first, let me talk about the game covers.  The December issue has a Rainbow Six: Patriots cover, but that's not all.  Glued to the front cover is another "cover"that you can peel off.  This second cover happens to be an ad for the Spike Video Game Awards.  That stupid ass trophy of a monkey wearing a crown holding what appears to be a bong might as well be substituted for dog excrement.  Way to go GameInformer, just when I thought you couldn't stoop any lower.

What am I doing here???

Then there's the January cover showcasing this upcoming South Park game, complete with tons of photos and interviews with Trey and Matt.  Now, I'm completely indifferent to the show, but damn--since when did South Park become "down" with the gamers?  Ever since the World of Warcraft episode?  The Guitar Hero episode?  The Nintendo Wii episode?  Just like Spike TV or Mountain Dew--now gamers think they're hip cause they start advertising to them?  Sorry, I'm not buying.

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Now, it's review time!  First up is Need for Speed: The Run.  We all know The Run sucks.  So here's the GI review and it sucks even worse.  To spare you the pain, I'll quote parts of it:

Although The Run contains all of these constituent parts, it fails to execute or combine them in a way that is engaging. After I finished the game, I had raced across America, escaped the mob, and cheated death numerous times, but was left with relatively few postcards to remember the experience by.

My main problem with the game is that its cross-country trek simply contains too few highlights. The out-of-the-car moments can be counted on one hand, and when they finally do occur, the fact that they are little more than quick-time events dampens them as a novel gameplay experience in an otherwise foreign genre.

The racing itself isn’t boring, but it’s not novel enough in and of itself to make the game great – especially since it’s not being bolstered by the on-foot segments.

As much as the on-foot vignettes are a lost opportunity for The Run, I also feel like it drops the ball on the story as a whole.

Need for Speed: The Run is by no stretch a bad game; it just fails to capitalize on its chances. San Francisco to New York is a long haul, and it’s even longer when not enough happens in between.

Replay: Moderate

So let's play a game.  It's called "Guess the review score?"  Guess what it is:

A 7.75.  Personally, for me, reading this review without looking at the number, you'd think this would be somewhere in the 7 or less review.  Maybe even a 6.5.  It's almost as if Mr. Kato (the same dumbass extraordinaire who bashed OutRun 2) played the game, wrote down plenty of flaws, but at the last minute when it was time to write the final score, he chickened out a by a point or so.  Why would he do that?

Name recognition.  To him and many other mainstream gamer types, the Need for Speed brand is this glorious, fetishized object that they'll always respect, no matter how many crap releases Electronic Arts pushes every year.  So when they get to NFS: The Run, they play it and think "It's not very good" BUT they cannot will themselves to write down a score in the 6-ish range so they cut the deal and say "this game has problems BUT it's still a 7.75!"  Yeah sure, when the GameRankings average is 6.9, I buy it.

This is just like their previous review for Burnout: Crash.  Now we know this game sucks too but here's another quote from the GameInformer review: 

Despite these slight tweaks to the rules, the modes don’t feel all that different. After the initial hour or so, I started to feel the repetition setting in. You play the same intersection three times in a row, move on to the next one, play that three times, and so on. It really starts to feel like a grind as you try to plow through all the levels.

Replay: Moderate

They gave Burnout: Crash a 7.5.  See what I mean?  When they hear the name "Burnout," they piss their pants.  And when they find out a Burnout game just isn't very good, they weasel their way out of it with a short, non-helpful review with a few critiques to show they "care," slap a decent score on it, and they're on their merry way.  It's pathetic.

Oh, but reviews get even better!  GameInformer reviews Sonic Generations and gives it a 6.75 with a few choice quotes, here's some:

The result is a timeline that starts out strong and slowly deteriorates, serving as an apt history lesson for the struggling series.

 Unfortunately, the good times fade when Sonic begins cruising through 2D versions of levels from post-Dreamcast Sonic games. Traversing the burning ruins of Crisis City from the awful 2006 Sonic the Hedgehog reboot is an exercise in frustration packed with unfair drop-offs and annoying gales.

Sonic Unleashed and Sonic Heroes didn’t thrill me, and revisiting reworked versions only serves to remind me of how uninspired they are. Legacy issues, like wonky platforming and poorly communicated pitfalls, plague these later levels.

I felt smothered by Sonic Team’s insistence on shoehorning recent Sonic games, no matter how awful, into the 20-year timeline.

Concept: A whimsical trip down memory lane that ends in the gutter

 Replay: Moderately Low

I don't get it.  The only real critique behind the game is that it reminds them of bad Sonic games,  the controls "suck" again, and there's a few pits that you can fall in (news flash: a red warning sign appears in places you can fall to your death).  You moron, this is a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT GAME.  If ONLY the mere sight of levels/characters from a mediocre Sonic game makes you sick, then you're a complete wimp.  Stop reviewing Sonic games.

Also, I don't get how Sonic Generations gets a "low" replay value when all I hear out of games like Burnout: Crash and NFS: The Run with their "medium" replay value is the repetitive grinding as usual.  Sonic has plenty of side missions and things to unlock--does Burnout and Need for Speed have the same as well?

Seriously, Sonic Generations faired much better than NFS: The Run ever did (a 7.8 average on GameRankings), so what's the deal with this review?

See what I mean?  When it comes to NFS or Burnout, those are special icons they cannot part with.  Sonic, however, is expendable.  It's for loser Sega fans, nerds, little kids, furries, and people with autism.  The "cool" gamers don't care about Sonic so they're not afraid to rip the game although they couldn't come up with much to say about the game anyway other than the usual talking points..."uh, Sonic's dead to us so this game automatically fails."

I did say this before and I'll say it again--GameInformer is a magazine sold by retailer GameStop so what the hell do you think GI is going to say?  That these games suck?  No, they're going to soften them up and convince readers to run to GameStop to buy all these wonderful games.  It's no use to them to rate a game poorly (except Sonic since that'll sell no matter what since we're all "tools").  Either that or Electronic Arts & Criterion are paying off GameInformer not to rate their games so harshly which is likely the case too.

Other GameInformer reviews include: Modern Warfare 3 (9.0), Battlefield 3 (9.25), Skyrim (9.5), and Zelda: Skyward Sword (a perfect 10).  So their reviews fall in line with everyone else's.  What's the point of reading this magazine again?

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Oh, and one more kick in the ass for the road, on Page 50 of the Dec. 2011 issue, they run through a list of games of this generation you "shouldn't miss" from each genre.  Here's the racing games that you must definitely check out:

"RACING: You love the smell of burning tires and the press of wind against your skin, but nothing compares to the feeling of knowing that, at any moment, you could lose control."

Forza Motorsport series
Gran Turismo 5
Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit
Burnout series
Mario Kart series

I shed a tear at the guy's description but realized he's full of crap.  Really sad how this list has dwindled down to just this.  Forza is the only one that has any sense of credibility left.  Gran Turismo 5 is a heap of a mess.  NFS: Hot Pursuit is the only "good" NFS of this generation but even then, I think it's overrated and needed the assistance of both EA and Criterion to make it decent.  Burnout is Burnout and Mario Kart has Nintendo's blessing behind it.  It's the same-old same-old that you've heard for years and it makes me sick.  A shame that no other races have risen to challenge it.  OutRun 2, maybe, but no one cares about that anymore.  And Sonic didn't even get mentioned in the Platformer section, go figure.  Sega FTW!

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I can keep nitpicking about GameInformer but it is futile and petty.  GI still puts out some decent editorials although I obviously don't put a lot of faith in these guys.  But it's not just about GI, it's about the gaming media in general which tends to follow the same thought processes.  Now you know why as a Sega racing fan I can get so irate.

Daytona USA Reviews--Kill Me Now

It's worth mentioning I revised the Kyle Busch article to include the Ron Hornaday mutiny that occurred last Friday.

Ok, so Daytona USA has been out for two weeks and most of the "professional" reviews are in.  And most of them fall within the 8-9 range which is good.  You can see the list of reviews here.

Now there's really nothing amazing about any of the average reviews.  I can't go through them all.  They say stuff like, "It's Sega's classic arcade racer with funky tunes but it's nonetheless old."  Okay, I see what you mean.

But first, I would like to commend the website Gamestyle for giving this Daytona port a 10 out of 10, the only reviewer to do so thus far.

Wasn't a fan of Daytona in the arcade? Then don't expect any different here. That is the 1% dealt with. For everyone else, this port brings home the magic of the arcade version in the best way possible. Rose tinted memories are transferred to reality, both in terms of how the game looks and how it plays.

Well said.  How nice of you to bring up the 1% of people who don't like Daytona.  I would say that number is larger than that but let's deal with the heathens, shall we???  Descend into the abyss, if I don't come back in 15 minutes...just wait longer!

From a review site called HonestGamers which gave the Daytona port a 5 out of 10...

This is the best Daytona USA ever released for play at home.

BOOM, there you go, review's over.  If it's better than the Saturn, PC, or Dreamcast versions, then how come this isn't higher than a 5?  Let's continue...

And herein lies the trouble with Daytona USA. It’s always been extremely limited. A few cars, a handful of tracks, the choice between automatic and manual transmission, and four vantages points from which to survey the action. That's essentially it. Being able to take on mirrored versions of tracks or tacklekaraoke mode – well, those are just fleeting distractions. The sobering truth is that there's not much here, and there never was.

What a load of ass.  Let me say two things: one--this is an Xbox Live Arcade Title.  THESE KIND OF GAMES ARE MEANT TO BE SMALL!!!  HENCE THE TERM, "ARCADE"!!!  Two: come say this game is "lacking" to me.  Or my friends on GameFAQs.  Or the guys from Singapore/Japan/wherever who play the crap out of this game.  Cause it certainly ain't "lacking" to us.

What made this game a phenomenon in the nineties – besides the fact that in ’93 these graphics were considered slick and ahead of their time – was the ability for us arcade-going gamers to sit with seven drunk friends in aligned cockpit cabinets, hammering the pedals, locking the wheel into turns, jamming the shifter down to screech into straight-aways, all while we hoped that hot girls looked on.

This just seems strange to me.  This paragraph could apply to just about any lousy 90's arcade racer, like Ridge Racer or Cruis'n World (YES, I SAID IT).  Daytona was different because it was deep man...  They don't make arcade racers with that kind of handling and quirkiness anymore.  So for you to take that for granted is kind of sad.  BTW, ever considered buying a racing wheel for your 360/PS3 and inviting over the boys, girls, and booze for the "authentic" Daytona experience?

Daytona USA was an experience. And it’s the sort of experience that can never be brought home. Sure, we can search online for seven like-minded old school players to have a go, but that doesn’t come close. What might have come close, would be local multiplayer, so that at least you could invite friends over and split-screen race to your hearts’ content. Guess what? Local multiplayer is not available. Oops.

Like I said before, the game's scope wasn't meant to include local multiplayer.  Not to mention that Daytona is that heavy of a game that you wouldn't want to share the screen with another player.  Do you even have ONE friend you know in real life that plays Daytona USA?

It’s a shame, because there is a demographic of players who want simpler, easier to pick-up-and-play titles in the face of the growing complexity and luster of the today’s top racing games, but Daytona USA swings the pendulum too far the other way, and gives us extreme barebones action, which manifests a definite fun factor, but one that cannot be sustained. Especially not when you’re playing all by your lonesome. And remotely racing with whichever few strangers you can find on the Net is less consolation than you might think. At least the kitschy main theme can still elicit a laugh or two: Daytonnnnaaaaaa! Let’s go away!!

I tell you what--I'd rather pay ten bucks to play Daytona online with seven other people at home, even if it's just for ONE HOUR.  But no, we can play "forever." Try finding working 8-player Daytona setups in a real arcade, including friends.  Sega did the best job that they could to port this.  To say this game is absolutely gimped is disgusting.  Oh, it's also nice you tacked on an additional .5 overall to the score just for the "kitschy" theme alone.

I'm done with that guy's review--it was mediocre and it pissed us all off.  I've never heard of this website before nor will I ever hear from it again.

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I know this is paining ya, but there's MORE!!!  The Official Xbox Magazine scores this game a 4.5 out of 10...

Once upon a time, texture-mapped polygons, bare-bones drifting, and gradual loss of tire grip were enough to earn a cheering crowd, but those days have passed. Daytona USA might lazily scratch a nostalgic itch, but there’s little else to entice modern audiences.

Arcade mode’s three bright tracks offer differing course lengths, lap counts, and turn severities. You’ll slipstream behind opponents to improve acceleration and top speed, coax your car to just the right drift angle as you squeal around tight turns, and try not to slide into walls when your tires turn to mush. Now you can even rewind time Forza-style from the pause menu. If your car didn’t control with all the grace of a buttered concrete block, those features might be worth exploring.

Online multiplayer rekindles fond memories of linked arcade machines, and 30 brief challenges break up the solo routine. But clunky handling and crayon visuals are a harsh reminder of why we rarely visit with the ghosts of videogame racing’s past. Daytona USA was once a pace-setting leader; now it’s a museum-ready relic.

+ Rewind feature lets you correct mistakes; serviceable multiplayer; retro arcade simplicity.

– Jittery handling; just three tracks; irritating soundtrack only true fanatics will love.

– Smoothed textures and a steady framerate can’t mask its age.

? Why doesn’t it include local split-screen multiplayer?

And that's it.  I'm dead f***ing serious.  That's the whole review.  And it's going up in this piece of trash magazine.  "Official Xbox Magazine," my ass.  This review addressed NOTHING other than that the "handling sucks" and that "it has a rewind mode."  Nothing else.

The handling.  MY GOD, THE HANDLING.  Learn to play the G-D game, you nebbish.

Barebones drifting??  Give me ONE game in recent history that has a SEMI-DECENT drifting system.  No, there isn't one because it's all this "Formula-D" crap or "boost to gain nitrous" or some load of ass like that.  So, no dice.

Tires melting???  What the hell game mode are you playing???  If you play the regular arcade/time-trial modes, there's no tire wear whatsoever.  The fact that he harped on it more than once is just downright idiotic.  A better line would be "The Survival mode sucked," but no, the handling eternally sucks, the game is unplayable, etc.  Wtf.

Crayon visuals?  I'd rather be staring at Daytona USA than the dreary, generic landscapes of Split/Second or GRID.  I mean that times a thousand.

Soundtrack???  You kiddin' me?  You mention the words "Daytona USA" to any arcade connoisseur and the first words you get back are "Roooolllinnnnnnnggg  Sssttarrrttt!!!!"  People hate the Daytona soundtrack?  Where are these people?

"Rarely visit the ghosts of videogame racing's past?"  "A museum relic?"  Alright, bro.  F*** it, let's throw all old racing games in the trash!  All aboard the Need for Speed/Burnout train!  First of all, why is that, of all old games, RACING GAMES must be ignored but other genres don't???  We still play Mario, we still play Zelda, we still play Contra, we still play Street Fighter, we still play Doom, we still play Final Fantasy, but we CAN'T play Daytona USA.  Just burn all bridges to the past and replace them with a shiatload of production value, useless cinematics, and a trail of DLC.  What a putz, a pustule, a schmuck.

This reviewer is the talking ass.

Let me just conclude saying this.  What good does this review do?  We're talking about a ten-dollar XBLA title that'll probably be brushed under the rug within a month.  So you played the game for five minutes and didn't like it?  Why does it MATTER that this review's in the magazine or not?  I learned NOTHING about the game at all other than one (stupid) man's opinion of the thing.  Besides, you can always download the demo and try the game for yourself.  Who cares what this guy thinks when you have the demo???

Official Xbox Magazine...does anyone really care about this trash?  Like do you wake up in the morning, read gaming news on GameSpot, Kotaku, Reddit, Joystiq, etc. and see tons of wonderful media about OXM?  No, and that's because it's garbage so it needs to go away.  Not to the museum but to the dumpster behind the museum.  Then thrown in the incinerator.  Good riddance.

Oh, and I expect that there will be one intrepid reader out of a thousand who will say this.  "Eric, why do you trash games like Split/Second and Need for Speed when you've only played them for five minutes???  Isn't that hypocritical???"  Five things:

1. I play these games for more than five minutes.  As much as it pains me too, it's my solemn duty to do so.  I've plunked numerous quarters into Fast & Furious and I had a stroke.  So, never again, I said.

2. I write better reviews with MORE INFORMATION than these guys do.  Like if a game sucks, I don't say "the tires are made of butter," and then call it a day.

3. I'd like to think I have more clout on traditional racing game reviews than some guy who's only been reviewing games at OXM for just two weeks (seriously, here's the guy's profile).

4. I'm not getting paid to do reviews.  The other guy is.  So I do these reviews purely for my own respect and integrity.  Lord knows that this guy was probably shuffling through game after game to make a buck off of a few paragraphs he types down on the fly.

5. I'M NOT PUBLISHING THESE REVIEWS AS FACT IN A "RESPECTED" PERIODICAL THAT THOUSANDS OF GAMERS WILL UNWITTINGLY CONSUME AND REGURGITATE!!!

The irony of this whole situation is while OXM scored the game a 4.5, the UK version of OXM scored it a 9.0.  Its review is actually more informative and gave a nod to Daytona USA 2.  Thus proving that American gaming is dead as we know it.  Seriously, the United Kingdom is friends of Sega...we know this very much now.

An arcade classic and a reverential conversion mean that the definitive version of Daytona is finally available on XBLA. We can't wait to see which of Sega's spectacular arcade back catalogue will be next to receive the same attention. You know, Daytona USA 2 never got a proper home conversion either...

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Oh, and one more kick-in-the-ass for the road.  So, a few months ago, my mom unwittingly got another subscription of GameInformer the last time she went to GameStop.  Oh, God, no.  But I still read it anyway just to gain surveillance on the "enemy."  My mom brought a few of these magazines down to Florida when she visited so I scanned through them as usual.

They reviewed a game.  What game you ask?  Burnout: Crash.  Gave it a 7.5 out of 10.  I s*** you not.  EDIT: Forgot to post the link to the review so here it is.  I couldn't even get through this whole review before it came up with the blanket statement--"uh, it's good, just go buy it."  Love this line at the end:

Kinect
Crash also includes Kinect functionality for Xbox 360 owners, but I wouldn’t recommend this sloppy option. Hopping and stepping around replace the simple analog stick and button controls with disastrous results.

Wait, so using the Kinect with this game is BAD?  What about the commercial with David Hasselhoff and all the posers??  I thought the Kinect was super-awesome-fun??   Well, that's ONE thing Criterion did right.  See Sonic Free Riders...no standard 360 control, no dice.

And you remember way, WAY back when I brought up the GameInformer reviews on Burnout 3 and OutRun 2?  OutRun 2 got a 6.5 score.  Burnout: Crash got a 7.5.  That means that Burnout: Crash is A WHOLE POINT BETTER than OutRun 2.  Doesn't that make you want to kick a baby?

Oh, and God Forbid if GameInformer were to actually review Daytona USA.  They said that OutRun 2 was "an old man on Viagra" so what does that make Daytona USA???  A mummified corpse from the seventh century??  Forget about it!!

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EDIT: And there's another bad Daytona USA review I missed!!  This one is from a site called Thunderbolt Games.  Gave it a 5 out of 10.  It said "omg not enough cars & tracks to unlock" and "wtf no local multiplayer" but I already dealt with that.  Lousy short-ass review.  NO MENTION OF HOW "GOOD" THE CONTROLS ARE.  They also said this:

The Xbox Live play was decent, though it took me quite a few tries to find races to join. And it may seem a little nitpicky, but I hate it when racing games don’t give me an option to restart the current race from the pause menu. Overall,Daytona USA is a lazy port that could have offered players more.

Um, you CAN restart the race while in pause menu.  Press Y to restart, right next to the rewind button, another feature you forgot to mention.  Another garbage review, guy didn't even bother playing it for more than 5 minutes.  PISS OFF!!

Get out, you enemies of Sega.

Spending Time With Family, Saints, Go-Karts, Ghost Squad, F***in' Fast & Furious, Disney Sucks

First of all, this was a good weekend because I had no homework and my parents drove over to Orlando to spend a few days with me.  But let's get to the Saints next.

I'm going to be like Joe Beningo here in a few minutes so little kids, please cover your ears.  All I have to say is that thank the Lord that I didn't actually see this Saints vs. Rams game on TV (I instead watched NFL.com updates).  Because this has to be the MOST EMBARASSING DISPLAY I have ever glazed upon in my life.  No excuses to lose this game.  What a disgrace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


There are two types of teams in the NFL.  Teams that should win and teams that shouldn't.  The Saints are a good team (I think so, anyway).  They should be in charge of their destiny.  There's a reason the Rams were 0-6, because THEY STINK!!!  They had their backup QB in!!!  And then the Saints go to St. Louis and do what all dumb teams do and that is suck ass.  F***ing suck ass.


Compare the Saints to the Packers.  Let's just get this out of the way now--the Packers are probably going undefeated and are getting the #1 seed.  Why?  Because the Packers ARE WINNING GAMES THAT THEY SHOULD BE WINNING.  The Saints aren't.  And don't give me this "the team has to lose to learn to play better" nonsense since that just means they are undisciplined in the first place.  This sequence of "embarrassing" Saints losses goes back to last year when the Saints blew the games to the Cardinals, Browns, and Seahawks (first team to lose to a sub .500 postseason team, choke away 10-point lead, humiliating Marshawn Lynch replay).  Shame on you guys.  The Saints should've played with fire under their asses in order to keep up with other NFC teams but they look like they didn't give two s***s about it.


Oh, BTW, you know how awesome it was that ESPN gave the 62-7 victory over the Colts zero air time?  Well, expect ESPN to run a million stories about the Saints' 31-21 chokejob (most of those were garbage points) loss to the Rams with stories like "SEE I TOLD YOU SOOO SAINTS ARE ONE-AND-DONE ROFL" and "FALCONS WILL WIN NFC SOUTH CAUSE THEY HAVE MATT RYAN AND RODDY WHITE, TWO GREATEST PLAYARS EVER HAHAHA."  Good work, Saints.  Enjoy the embarassment.  Just suck it in and feel good about yourselves.  Really good.

Man-crush on Tony Gonzales!!!

And also don't give me this "Rams were playing passionate football," or "parity exists in the NFL" crap because it also applies to the Saints too.  If the Rams were playing tough, then the Saints should've played tough too.  AT WORST the game should've been tied by the half, but no.  The Saints scored ZERO POINTS in the first half.  That is completely indefensible.  You all are incredibly mediocre and deserve ZERO credit for today.  Sean Payton should take a paddle and just whip everyone with it.  Even Drew Brees since he's been throwing lots of dumb interceptions lately.  Seriously, just beat their asses with it.

Or maybe a ruler, you know...keeping with the Catholic theme.

This reminds me...I've said this before (in the Call of Duty: Max Performance post) that the day you underestimate the competition, you will LOSE.  Don't care if it's some dumb kids on XBL or your mom, you give it 100% all the f'n time.  This is true especially in professional sports.  Consider that a wounded animal WILL fight back when threatened.  Rams may be winless but they will get desperate at some point.  So you let 'em off the hook.  Good work Saints for playing down to the competition! 


And bear in mind that the Saints lost to a franchise that put out this video instructing its fans on "how to cheer" during the game.  Really?  This is absurd.





Seems like ever since "HAKIM DROPS THE BALL!!", the Rams have been the Saints' kryptonite.  Cause this is the second time a winless Rams team has gotten its first win against the Saints.  Sweet Jesus, this is bad.  So bad and I won't hold back.  I'm not going to "bail" from this team cause I still bleed black & gold but dammit I am just gonna call it like I see it.  Especially when I'm trying to enjoy time with my parents.

Know for a fact that someone will post this eventually so let's get it out of the way now.  And Rams fans, don't take this personally.  I'm mad at my team, that's about it.  There's still time for us to peak during the playoffs but enjoy playing on the road!  Geez.

Hey, it could be worse.  At least I'm not a Rangers fan.  Otherwise, I would be hospitalized right about now.

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Okay, now I've gotten that train wreck out of the way, let's talk about what happened in real life.  On Sunday, me and my family are traveling down International Drive in Kississimee, FL., the big line of attractions/tourist traps near Disney & Universal Studios.  And we're looking for a go-kart track to drive on.  We find this three story wooden go-kart track and it was fun.  Just like the ones in Pigeon Forge, TN.  DAMN was the ride bumpy as I bobbed all over the place on those poor wooden planks which ate my dirt.  But, nonetheless, I continued on.  I lapped everyone too.  Kids were driving slow so I cut them off...all without bumping into them, of course!  Otherwise, those bums would've yelled and me and dragged me off the premises for "threatening to kill everyone."  No one's allowed to have fun anymore.

There was also an arcade at this place.  The arcade was decent--that is, if you enjoy Fast and the Furious very much.  I counted TWO Fast & Furious bike cabinets, FOUR Fast & Furious Drift cabinets, and THREE Deluxe Fast & Furious cabinets?  I mean, s***, do you really need THAT MANY FAST & FURIOUS GAMES???  No one was playing these games too.  Also, just for the lulz, I saw that one of the deluxe cabinets was missing a brake.  And none of them had manual gear shifters.  Not like you need either of those things, HAHA!!!  Seriously, I think I have more fun picking lint out of my pockets than I do playing this game.

The arcade did have Ghost Squad (2004) there and I played it for about six minutes.  I wasted two credits on it cause I accidentally shot the hostages (well I didn't know you had to hold the "special" button!).  Seriously, what an interesting game.  I played that cabin level and it was neat.  The machine gun controller was cooler than the traditional pistol weapon.  Main problem is that the screen wasn't in good shape...it was faded and the attract screen logo was burned in there too.  The same thing can be said about the 18 Wheeler game right adjacent to it.  So is it just me or is EVERY Sega arcade cabinet in poor condition???  Does anyone even bother with these arcade games anymore???

And why oh why does there have to be a Guitar Hero cabinet at the arcade too???  Do we really need MORE GUITAR HERO GAMES???  Go away, Raw Thrills, just...go away.  Can't take it anymore.  Friggin Fast and Furious & Guitar Hero in every arcade.  Well, at least we got Daytona 1/2, Scud Race, OutRun 2, etc. at home so it's not too bad.

I should mention there was a twin Sega Race TV cabinet there too and I played through it just once.  It was just as mediocre as my first experience was.  Game still makes zero sense to me this time.  I picked the Plymouth Hemi Cuda which has low top speed which meant that the AI would just sidle up to me near the finish line so I lost that way.  Man, this game is pissing me off too.

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Oh, and it gets even better!  So me and my family decide to go to Downtown Disney.  It's this boardwalk-style attraction with a bunch of stores with blaring Radio Disney tunes (including Aaron Carter who is apparently still relevant) everywhere.  We checked out the Lego store they had.  Nice store, but no Xalax Lego Racers so no dice--Lego sucks now.  Yeah sure, just make a bunch of Lego dragons & Toy Story characters and we'll be on good terms--ooookay.  Then they had all these purple lit-up bars with dubstep music.  Another EPAC FAIL LOLOLOLLO.  And this "section" of Downtown Disney was called "Pleasure Island."  Geez, hide the kids.  Cause I imagine there was booze and hookers all around there.

Then I discover this store (or section of a store) called Ridemakerz.  Yes, it has a "z" on the end.  And you go there to make your own RC car.  Oooooo, gotta check it out!  So you pick up a plastic frame for your car (it's about a foot long & six inches wide), give it to the guy, and he outfits it with parts.  I picked a blue & white stock car.  Oh hell yes, after all these years, I finally get a "decent" RC car to play with.  Should be fun to drive around FIEA and whatnot.

So I read somewhere on the shelf that each car costs $22 at bare minimum.  I'm not interested in purchasing the shiny rims or the red tires--I just want a normal RC car shaped like a standard stock car.  Guy puts the thing together and says "Would you like a remote control with that?" and I'm like "Huh?"  The remote control is an "optional" accessory that costs an extra $25.  Wait, so I was about to buy an RC car without a controller??  What the f***ing s*** is that all about?  So the price of my car just doubled from $25 to $50.  Oh silly me, I thought I was getting a good deal on something at Disney World.  HA, forget about it.  So I just left after waiting for 15+ minutes.  Hate this crap.  TBQH, the car actually looked pretty good so it's a damn shame I had to give it up.  Maybe for $40, I'd give in but $50 is too much.

Anyway, I kissed my mom and dad goodbye and now I'm back at home, ready to take on the world by myself once again.  Thanks Saints, thanks Fast & Furious, thanks Disney for ALMOST ruining my day.