Saturday, January 29, 2011

Sonic Free Riders And NFS: Hot Pursuit Are EPIC FAIL

ehehe epic fail lol *nerdgasm*

Since I downloaded the Ridge Racer 6 demo off XBL, I decided to download the Sonic Free Riders demo while I was at it.  "Oh, but it's a Kinect game!"  Well I thought you could play it with a regular controller too but no, that's not true.  And I had to download the entire demo first before I found out.

As a consolation prize for the time wasted on the demo, I got to see was this video presentation of kids jumping in front of the TV.  So Sonic Free Riders = garbage.  0 out of 10, congrats on being forever tied to the lousy Kinect.  Besides, the name of the game is still Sonic FREE Riders so I want this game for free, dammit!!  What a tease.  Sega always teases us BTW.

Also, I decided to check out the Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit demo, assuming there was one.  Guess what?  There isn't one.  What's the matter, Electronic Arts and Criterion, afraid I would say mean things about the demo?  No way I am going to Blockbuster to rent this game.  Congrats, another 0 out of 10, stop wasting my time with this crap.  YOU SUCK ASS!!!


Oh, and Need for Speed: Shift 2 Unleashed is coming out some day.

Shift 1 was intriguing to me because of the emphasis on the sense of speed, engine sounds, etc.  However, I heard it wasn't that great of a game otherwise.  About Shift 2, I would like to see more game footage of the car interior.  I think it will be good but it lacks the "zing" of a Sega racer.  Oh well, guess that's what arcade games do to you, I'm spoiled...


Also, something stupid is happening to my Xbox 360.  Every time I sign into Xbox Live, it stays for five seconds then disconnects me.  Every time.  So this really sucks because I just put down $8 for Rock Band DLC I can't download for now...


Check out this Super Meat Boy commercial if you haven't seen it already:

TBQH, and this is from someone who has played the demo, I'm actually quite impressed with the game.  First, these guys have a sense of humor and grasp of video game history.  No fancy plots or that crap, just straight up challenging and rewarding gameplay.

When you beat a level, you get to see a replay of every attempt and watch all the failed Meat Boys weeded out...

I would buy the game, but it's one of the hardest games out nowadays and I just don't wanna go through this crap.


And, oh look, a funny Team Fortress 2 parody of Space Channel 5.  Wow, I feel like a toolbag because I always copy stuff already posted on big blogs.  Because this is a Sega blog, it might as well be seen for two seconds.


Oh, and if you thought that was weird, how about Shadow the Hedgehog in his true game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.  How do people come up with this stuff?  Not just shooting, also has some bike stunt parts.


One more thing, just cause we're on the subject of GTA. Do you love San Andreas? Do you love Initial D too? Well here you go, an Initial D mod in San Andreas. Ooooo

For some reason, it was good until the end, then I don't know what happened there.

New Sega Rally Game?

Ok, this is about a day old, but because my internet is crap and I keep looking at the same garbage sites (Kotaku, Joystiq), I finally see this:

There exists an entry called "Sega Rally Online Arcade" according to Korean Game Rating Board.

Now read the Korean page, I have no idea what it says.

So keeping up with the trend of "Online Arcade" games, I presume this will be a port of a Sega Rally game, much like OOA is a port of OutRun 2: SP.  Remember before OOA came out, we saw its name pop up in one of these entries somewhere and sure enough, Sega followed through.  Also, you had "Sega Racing Classic" for arcades which turned out to be a straight copy of Daytona USA.  I don't see Sega pulling out all the stops on this project.

So what game is it?  Probably Sega Rally Revo but it also could be an upgraded version of the original Sega Rally.  I sure hope it's not Revo since we got that for 360/PS3 and TBQH it really wasn't that great.  I want to play original Sega Rally.  Although if I were as rabid about Sega Rally as I was Daytona USA, I'd be kind of sad since this seems like a basic port--not many bells and whistles, just the bare essentials.  Just one of those games you download for $10/$15 and that's that.

Hey, at least we got Crazy Taxi, OutRun 2, and now possibly the original Sega Rally on the same console so that's damn good so Sega deserves a bit of credit.

If this somehow continues to Daytona USA 1/2 and Scud Race, I sure hope Sega rolls out the red carpet for these.  No straight ports, make these games FANCY.  Like a hard copy of the game that me, model3, and the other diehards dream of.  Although I would rather a port than nothing at all.

Oh, and this:

Friday, January 28, 2011

Rock Band 3 Keyboards! Part 3: Future DLC Wishlist


You know, I'm gonna go ahead and say this.  Harmonix is one of the only developers that ACTUALLY CARE about their games.  Just coming out with all this DLC despite the fact that the rhythm game industry took a hit, getting popular artists on a consistent basis like The Doors, Bon Jovi, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Johnny Cash, Billy Joel, David Bowie, etc., giving the community the tools to release their own songs (Rock Band Network), introducing keyboards and pro instruments, they are good and deserve props.

Of course, I've already talked about why I like Rock Band.  Learn more about how awesome Rock Band is here.

Seriously, playing Rock Band Pro Keys is fun.  I already 5-starred all Pro Keys songs from Tier 1-4 difficulty, plus I got both Pro Keys Trainer achievements.  So I want more keyboard songs, baby.

Now Harmonix has already rereleased some Bon Jovi and Queen songs, adding Pro Keys, Vocal Harmonies, and occasinally Pro Guitar/Bass charts to songs that were a part of the library before RB3.  Unfortunately, there's still some songs I really like that I want to play Pro Keys on but they either aren't in Rock Band at all or they haven't been upgraded to RB3 versions.  This is just a list of songs that I want to play keyboards on.  I'm fairly certain all of these have keyboard (piano or synthesizer) parts, I may be wrong though: 


Already in Library:

Allman Brothers - Ramblin' Man
Average White Band - Pick Up the Pieces (if you use sax part as keys...)
Boston - Foreplay/Longtime
Boston - Smokin'
Fleetwood Mac - Don't Stop
George Thorogood - Bad to the Bone
Journey - Don't Stop Believing
Kansas - Carry On Wayward Son
Oasis - Don't Look Back in Anger
The Police - Every Little Thing She Does is Magic
REO Speedwagon - Roll With the Changes
The Rolling Stones - Gimme Shelter
Steely Dan - Bodhisattva
Steely Dan - My Old School
Styx - Blue Collar Man
Tom Petty - Here Comes My Girl
The Who - Baba O'Riley (not the synth intro)
The Who - Won't Get Fooled Again (entire synth part)
The Who - Eminence Front

Not in Library:

Aerosmith - Janie's Got a Gun 
Aerosmith - What It Takes
Allman Brothers - Jessica
Animals - House of the Rising Sun
Bachman Turner Overdrive - Taking Care of Business
Bad Company - Bad Company
Bob Seger - Against the Wind
Bruce Hornsby - The Way It Is
Bruce Springsteen - Born to Run
The Cars - Shake It Up
The Eagles - Desperado (maybe not good enough on other instruments)
The Eagles - Dirty Laundry
Elton John - Rocket Man
Fleetwood Mac - Gypsy
Fleetwood Mac - Little Lies
Journey - Feeling That Way/Anytime
Pilot - Magic 
Queen - Bicycle Race
Queen - Don't Stop Me Now
Rod Stewart - Young Turks (I think the drummer would commit suicide tho)
Spencer Davis Group - Gimme Some Lovin'
Styx - Come Sail Away
Supertramp - Take the Long Way Home
Van Halen - Jump


I may add more songs to the list as I recall them.  Seriously, I'll pay the $2/160MSP for each of the songs above just for keys.  I already bought hundreds of dollars worth of songs from them and I don't regret it.  Okay, bye.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

New Ridge Racer Game And Junk

Ah yes, Ridge Racer, we meet again.  Ridge Racer 6 came out in 2005 and now it's 2011.  Six years later, lol.

But first, there will be a Ridge Racer 7 on the Nintendo 3DS.  That's how Namco rolls--release a RR game for a new console's release, never in between.  At least there are seven Ridge to what I believe there are four Daytona USAs (1, 2, Championship Edition, Dreamcast).  But that doesn't matter cause Sega still has Scud Race, OutRun 2, Crazy Taxi, etc.

Now this I read from the Joystiq article (click here).  Tell me if you believe it's true: 

The Ridge Racer franchise has an odd knack for coinciding with platform launches. From the PS1 classic to the most recent Ridge Racer 7, capitalizing on the enthusiasm inherent with new hardware seems to be the series' bread and butter. It's clear why Namco chooses this strategy: it manages to obfuscate the franchise's lack of innovation with the technological advance each generational leap brings.

Does this seem harsh?  I mean, I haven't really delved into Ridge Racer until now, but don't all racing games play out the same way as before?  Like do you really expect Gran Turismo 4 to be that much different from 5?  Of course, read this guy's negative opinion about RR7 from the get-go.

And also from the Joystiq article, ALL SIX SECONDS OF RIDGE RACER 7 (in 2-D):

TBQH, just from looking at this brief clip, I was immediately reminded of OutRun 2 and that's kind of cool.

To see for myself what's the big deal with Ridge Racer, I decided to give the RR6 demo a spin.  The 600mb demo is still up on XBLA and I must've played that one race fifteen times over and over.  Now please be aware I know little to nothing about how the previous RR games play out.  Alright, here are my impressions.  But first, here's some gameplay footage:

For starters, the handling is not TOO bad.  It feels like a cross between OutRun 2, Initial D, and Gran Turismo.  You tap the brake and and spin around, but during slides, you have no idea whether you've "hooked it" or not.  Like the final turn in the RR6 demo, I would frequently just fly away from the apex of the turn despite doing the same thing I did for the rest of the race and would fall behind.  I guess maybe I have to play more often to get used to the controls.  Regardless, when you're not drifting, the car feels kind of bulky and sluggish.  It doesn't feel like you're in control like a Sega racer.

The game uses a "drift for nitrous" mechanic--just slide around like a hooligan to get NOS.  Seems cheesy cause there would be some turns I could take without drifting, but I would force myself to do so just to get that boost.

You can use manual or automatic transmission.  Now downshifting like in Daytona/OutRun doesn't do ANYTHING when it comes to drifts.  You do a little 6-5-6 or a 4-2-4, it doesn't initiate a drift.  So it all comes down to abusing the brake which is okay, but a little crappy.  MT actually has its uses because it seems if you shift to a lower gear while sliding, you regain your speed much faster.  When trying out AT, I see that the game would often sit in a higher gear when it shouldn't so MT does has its purposes.

The audio--oh my goodness.  You like really bad BD Joe impersonators telling you about nitrous and how awesome you are cause you caught two feet of air?  Well, no one does.  The way he screams "three, two, one" and other stuff, just kill me already.  The music isn't too bad--it's some techno trance stuff, but nowhere near as memorable as the Daytona/OutRun soundtracks.  As for the car SFX, there's nothing I thought was too outstanding.

Graphically, this game is okay.  Obviously, it's a launch title so it's somewhat outdated.  The track and car designs aren't that spectacular.  They don't blow me away like a Sega game.  They're not that detailed and/or colorful.  Driving around in the demo track, I see that they incorporated some detail here and there, but I wasn't delightfully surprised by it.

The sense of speed is alright but unfortunately in the demo, the cars only go 160 mph/255 kph.  In the real game, I assume they can be upgraded to Scud Race speeds (220 mph/355 kph).  The car selection consists of a bunch of Burnout/Split-Second phony baloney overly-shined cars with a bunch of logos referencing past Namco characters.  You want to drive the red Mitsurugi car, be my guest.

The camera angles are damn weird.  You only have two--on the hood or close chase cam.  I go with the close chase since I enjoy the third-person view the most.  Unfortunately, this camera view sucks.  When you drift, the camera always faces DIRECTLY BEHIND your rear bumper.  Compare it to OutRun or Daytona where the camera faces WHERE YOU'RE GOING.  In other words in RR6, you never see the side of your car.  It gets on my damn nerves cause in RR, it swerves back and forth so much.

Not to mention that wall collisions in RR6 are rather weird.  If you clip a wall, you bounce off of it in the most peculiar way.  If you're drifting in the chase cam and the rear scrapes a wall, it starts to fidget all over the place.  What the hell is this.

I eventually came in first.  My best 1st lap time was 1:10 and my 2nd/3rd was 1:01.  Okay, try me.

Overall, despite the fact that Ridge Racer, Daytona USA, and OutRun 2 look similar, they really aren't.  It's hard to put a finger on it, but Ridge Racer 6 feels...well...rigid.  Like when I do something right or wrong, it's hard to tell what I did to invoke this.  Handling doesn't feel as "authentic."  If I were to buy this game and play it for a long time, would I have fun?  Yes.  Do I wish it were a Sega racer?  Yes, sadly.  So if the Ridge Racer series needs to change, just fix some of the things I said, make it loosey goosey, and don't rely on this Fast and the Furious/Tokyo Drift crap in order to sell games.

You can read GameSpot's 8.1 review if you are so inclined...

And now you know the whole story...


Speaking of which, there will also be a Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing 3DS game, thanks model3 for pointing it out...

Secret Counter-Strike Map -- Sonic Adventure 2 Ark

NOTICE: I posted a video like this one about a week ago, but since then, I went back, updated the map, and produced another crap video.  If people start caring about this, I'll probably put more production value into these previews, lol.

Since I showed you the very important mall map a week ago, I'm going to show you another secret map I've had up my sleeve.  I don't know how many more of these maps I can show you, so don't assume anything.

So I've always been fascinated by crazy colorful places and the Space Colony Ark is just the's one of my favorite video game settings. So getting into map-making, this is one of my first attempts at a "serious" map. I tried to incorporate most of the Ark levels--Crazy Gadget, Final Rush, Final Chase, Eternal Engine, Cosmic Wall. I couldn't really include Mad Space or Meteor Herd so screw it.

I designed the layout some time around '04 then pieced it together slowly. Some of the faces and textures quite rugged and the lighting's not perfect, but I've slowly improved on it over time. The map layout never really changed so I'm quite surprised how that aspect has held up for so long.

The best thing that happened to the map was the actual SA2 textures I received. Beforehand, I had made up all the textures by myself. I asked some random guy on GameFAQs for them and he happily dumped some of the textures for me. I couldn't upgrade all the textures so some of my original ones still remain, but it's not that big of a deal.

I like how the map turned out even though it's not perfect. I still have the original files so I can still go back and modify it if necessary.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Video Game Girls

UPDATED twice , fixed the pictures, changed some words, added something else

Ooo, yes, it's a beautiful thing.  Straight guys like girls in their video games.  But let me explain this from my point of view.

Probably the best thing to come out of Namco (if you can believe it) is Seong Mina from Soul Calibur.  Yeah, I think she's good looking.  Gotta use these cosplay pics since they're damn good:

Of course, I need to reiterate some things.  I don't want to look like some pimply-faced horndog at home who plays these games just for the girls alone.  As a matter of fact, I hardly ever think of Seong Mina--she only appears every once in a while.  She's just there--a beautiful painting or a sculpture in a museum.  My opinion of her hasn't changed.  Like I really hate how everyone turns it into some sort of sexual object.  Just leave well enough alone--appreciate a beautiful woman for being beautiful, geez.  And by "appreciate," I don't mean "self-gratification."

Compared to many other video game girls, she doesn't have "exaggerated" features that you see with all these anime girls.  Really, there's not many decent girls in games anymore--they look artificial.  Give them big breats, jiggle physics, turn them into whores, etc.  It's one thing to be sexy but they overdo it so often that I immediately lose all interest.


Anyway, I did play Soul Calibur 1, 2, and 3 for a brief tenure several years ago.  I was okay at it, but it wasn't meant for me.  I also got tired of how "violent" it was so I just quit.  I had to move on to bigger and better things, like saving Daytona USA and Sega.  I also don't like how Soul Calibur 4 turned out and by then I just don't really care anymore.  They got REALLY carried away with the character customization--being able to play as characters down to their really, Namco?  You're that desperate?

Seriously--I know this is gonna sound weird, but I think men get a little hung up on women TOO much and it just interferes with their lives.  Kind of like the episode of Seinfeld where George abstains from sex and he becomes a genius as a result.  My two brothers both had girlfriends who basically agitated them non-stop to the point it becomes a daily issue.  Basically, I'll get a date when I feel like it.  People are just insane nowadays.  EDIT: Of course this doesn't a nod toward asexuality, I mean.


And this is one more story for the road.  I don't have any "proof" this happened, but I know it's true.  So I was on GameFAQs around '06-'07 looking at one of these big boards--the GameFAQs Contest Board I think.  So they had a bracket contest to vote on who the most attractive video game girl is.

I'm not making this up.  One of the finalists was Seong Mina.  I was like "Wow, I'm surprised."  The other finalist was.....get ready for it.....Samus Aran.  In the end, Samus got 70% of the vote.  And for what?  Being in Metroid/Smash Bros and her Zero Suit Samus outfit?  She relies on that super suit of hers to get the job done unlike Seong Mina.  The result didn't surprise or bother me, but I guess that's what goes on GameFAQs--vote for the girl from the Nintendo/Square game and so forth.  Heads up their rear ends.


UPDATE: This I just learned about.  Speaking of Samus, I hear she was supposed to be in the new Dead or Alive game for the Nintendo 3DS.  That's because Team Ninja, the people who made DoA for the 3DS also made Metroid: Other M.  Okay, so you had some Master Chief "girl" in DoA4, you drove me crazy with that, might as well get as many locked-and-loaded space females in here.  But then they take Samus out as a playable character despite the fact that she'll still make a cameo appearance.  BWAHAHA, go stick with Smash Bros.  Speaking of which, Dead or Alive is a mess too.  Which leads me to my next point:




With that being said, Seong Mina is just a passing memory to me.  Go do something productive with your lives, cya later.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing Kicks Ass (Review, Baby)

...Oh!  Hello, didn't see you there.  Well, gather around the fireplace, folks, cause I'm gonna tell you a story about the old days.

Well, not that old.  Going back to Spring 2010 when Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racers came out.  Now I've referenced this game a few times, but let's delve into it if you're uninformed. 

This game was made by Sumo Digital, not Sega.  Sumo is also responsible for Sega Superstars Tennis and OutRun 2 console ports.  I'm gonna go ahead and say this--Sumo Digital is one of the last bastions of Sega goodness.  Really, cause I don't think Sega would've made a game that celebrates its history as much as this.  And don't give me Sonic Riders since that game wasn't as well-received as this one.

Now, I'm going to tell you five good things and five bad things about this game.  Well, why more bad things, you ask?  Not because I'm a Negative Nancy, but because I want to prove I'm not a blind homer and so that Sega/Sumo can improve on whatever games they make in the future.  See, constructive criticism isn't so bad, is it?  Consider this as a "Top 10" of stuff to mention about this game.



1. My goodness, this game was such a breath of fresh air when it came out.  Sick and tired of this Burnout crap.  Game's got great drifts and a decent (not the best, but certainly better than most) sense of speed.  I'm dead serious--when a race gets going, it's a hell of a lot more fun than Mario Kart.  It's as close as you're gonna get to Daytona/OutRun in a looooong time...

2. Good representation of Sega characters.  You don't necessarily have to be a Sega diehard to get it, but besides a bunch of Sega characters, you got Ryo Hazuki, Beat, Ulala, BD Joe, Billy Hatcher, Bonanza Bros., Alex Kidd, even freakin Banjo-Kazooie (360 version only).  It's really nice to see some Sega representation somewhere, and what better than a freakin racing game?

3. The items are actually quite balanced.  Granted, they are generic items like traffic cones, rockets, bombs, Sonic shoes, etc. which act like the usual Mario Kart stuff like shells and bananas.  But in Mario Kart, one of the biggest complaints was how cheesy the items were.  It was so easy to get the crap kicked out of you in that game.  In this game, items aren't as powerful and you can deflect them quite easily using your own items.  So basically, the game is not as random as Mario Kart and is thus more rewarding.

There is one item though that serves as a spiky shell/bullet bill/lightning bolt and that is a Superstar Move.  If you're in a bad position, you activate this and your character gains some special ability for a few seconds.  Like Sonic turns into Super Sonic, Ryo rides a forklift that is tank-like in nature, Billy Hatcher rides a big egg and crushes people, Bonanza Bros. drop bombs from a blimp, etc.  However, these items are not available in online play.  Whether or not this is a good thing is up to you (I err towards good since they seem broken in a way).

4. Tracks are actually damn good and colorful.  They're all based off of Sega games--Sonic Green Hill, Sonic Casino, Eggman Fortress, Jet Set Radio Tokyo, Samba de Amigo World, House of the Dead, etc.  Granted, this fact is a given, but it's nice to race on bright, colorful tracks that make you feel GOOD.  Well, some of them anyway, but at least there's a decent variety!

5. It has Jacky Bryant and his buddy Akira riding in the Koenigsegg CCX convertible OUTRUNNERS STYLE!!!

This is not the best race in the world.  I can certainly do much better, but this is just for show.



1. Some people don't like how the game runs at 30 FPS as opposed to 60.  Now IMO, this is hardly a problem, but since this was the year 2010, the game's gotta push it to the limit.  There's also some slight slowdown in the second Eggman course, when you whip around the final turn and you're facing the big factory and you get cut down a little.  It's not so bad, but everyone would prefer if the game ran in full speed.

2. The character tiers are crap, crap, mega crap.  Well, it's not that bad since you can be competitive with any character but still, blatant tiers exist.  The best characters in the game are in the middleweight category.  Tierwise, the best characters would be Sonic, Shadow, Ryo, Tails, Bonanza Bros. and so forth.  The worst are the heavy weights which consist of Eggman, Banjo, the Zombie dudes, and my boys Jacky and Akira...

The reason why is because their acceleration sucks so all it takes is a few timely hits and they're down for the count.  Even without items, their high top speeds and long drift boost aren't that great against the other characters.  Also, the game doesn't allow players to push other characters around.  As Jacky, I should be able to plow over lightweights like Knuckes in the ATV, but he just blocks me and kills my momentum which makes no sense, thus neutering heavyweights even further.

Regardless, these tiers are nowhere near as bad as Mario Kart Wii's vehicle tiers.  I talked about this way back, but in MKWii, if you're not driving a bike, you're shooting yourself in the foot.  Change the name to Mario Bike Wii for good justice.

3. Backwards drifting.  Now Mario Kart DS and F-Zero have a similar mechanic in snaking--constantly moving back and forth to accumulate speed boosts.  SaSASR has a similar mechanic this way.  There are two "steering wheels"--one on the joystick and one on the d-pad.  So if you use the joystick to turn one way in the drift, you can push the d-pad in the opposite direction to jerk the car back the other way, hence being able to drift in a straight line at will.

Now this trick really isn't all that bad.  For one, I believe it does even out the character tiers a little which gives heavyweights like Jacky more time to boost.  Second, it does take some skill to do.  However, if we're going for a pure racing game, this can't happen.  It's ridiculous that every second you're on the track, you're constantly sideways.  This isn't gymkhana , it's a race.

Of course, the debate whether or not to keep BD drifting in (despite it being an unintentional feature) was ended when some people pleaded on the official Sega forums to keep it in.  This is a tough call because I like drifting, but doing it in a straight line makes no sense.

4. Some shortcuts are better than others.  The best shortcut in the game is on Rokkaku Hill (2nd JSR level, sunset).  When you enter the subway tunnel, cut hard to the right to enter a parking garage.  This parking garage shortcut is so advantageous that if you miss it and take the traditional route instead, you lose a lot of ground.  There's also a lucrative shortcut at the end of Ocean Pier--just jump the pier in front of you instead of turning left and there's a couple of seconds off your lap time.

On the other hand, there's some shortcuts in the Billy Hatcher levels that require you to "thread the needle" just to gain hardly any track position which means it is better to just skip it entirely.  Yes, it would be tough to fix shortcuts and make them "fair," but just apply the More Risk = More Reward principle and there you go.

5. Sometimes the announcer needs to shut up.  He can be rather annoying.  Also, some of the items could be buffed, like the rainbow trap and the bombs which I don't think has helped one damn bit.  There are more Sega franchises that could be included like uhh...maybe the Hornet from Daytona?  Hey the Hornet WAS in Fighters Megamix after all.  Okay, now I'm just nitpicking so I'm done.


Anyway, I know this "review" is really late, but I still gotta give Sumo props on this game.  It's one of the best racing games I've played in a long time despite its flaws.  Online's mostly dead but even if you get this game just to try out single-player, it's worth it.

Surprisingly, reviews for this game have been pretty good, some saying that it's better than Mario Kart Wii.   Professional and user reviews hover around the 8.0 range, maybe higher.  Not bad.  If I were to rate the game, I'd give it AT LEAST an 8, maybe a 9 (out of 10).  Is this game good?  Yes.  Is it better than Outrun and Daytona?  Not really, but once again, props people.  Peace out.  Go read a book or something.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Original Lego Racers PICS

Remember a while back I took pics of my Indy 500 Micro Machines and Daytona toy cars.  Seriously, I love toy cars...well most anyway.  Not a big fan of Hot Wheels or other big bulky toy cars.  Tiny = better.

Yes, a while back when I was young, I owned a bunch of Lego Racers.  Nowadays, Lego Racers come in the shape of trucks and Formula 1 cars and so forth, consisting of hundreds/thousands of pieces, but these are the ORIGINAL Mini Lego Racers, you know, before they bastardized the series.  Oh well, I don't think anyone liked the old Lego Racers anyway.


These original Lego Racers back to 2001.  EDIT: I believed these are called the Xalax/Crash 'Em series.  I recently bought a bunch of cars off of eBay for a damn good deal since these are very hard to find.  Previously, I owned 15 cars with some missing pieces (thanks brother) but today, I got 25 more cars to add to the mix for a grand total of 40.  Those 25 cars cost $40 BTW.  Not bad IMO.

They look like go-karts which is kind of cool.  That grey part you see on the bumper ejects the driver when pushed.  The other side doesn't have the bumper so you can move the killswitch the front or the rear--your choice.  There's fifteen original cars, but that doesn't stop you from mixing and matching pieces.  BTW, doesn't that red guy in the blue car look like Super Meat Boy...?

Each one comes with these little triangle cone thing that you can store the racer in.  It can also transform into a car launcher so you can fling the vehicle across your living room, only to have the guy fly underneath the sofa, bookcase, or other crappy hard-to-reach place.

Funny, also in each triangle thing is each character's "stats" in speed, acceleration, handling, and stunts.  Hmm...4 bars in speed and stunts, 1 in handling...this is the EXPERT LEVEL CAR!!!  Now, automatic or manual transmission?

And now for the rolling start...come on guys, don't go 3 wide!!

Even though I have 40 fully pieced cars (had to mix-and-match since I didn't have every piece), I only have 29 little people to put in the cars which kind of sucks.  Seriously, some of these cars are so wildly mashed together that they don't resemble any of the original designs.  The other 11 cars are right there on the table as you can see.

Anyway, I thought these were cool.  I like little stuff like this.  We love cars, we love cars, blahblahblah...

Can't fit all of them in the container!

Strange thing is that they made a video game loosely based off these cars...but I haven't played it.  If it's as good as Daytona USA 2, let me know.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Formula 1 Try Not To Laugh (200th Post)

Let me repeat: 200th POST SPECIAL!!!


This is old but if you haven't heard it already, here you go:

What makes it so funny is that it's strikingly similar to the behavior of a real Formula 1 car engine...that's why I get it besides the goofy voice.

Bet You Can't Get This Right!

The smallest red button question:
Now you are smarter than 96.7 % of the population.

Dear Sega, Keep Your Freakin Clock (A Christmas Story)

This was a post I bookmarked from SEGA America's blog.  I put it on the backburner for a while but let's bring it up now.

In SEGA of America HQ in San Francisco last November, they held an event where you can enter the offices, get some free stuff, play some video games, and hang out with the guys.  You see I was there, poking the guys eyes out trying to get a new Daytona game, lol jk.

Anyway, this one guy got a Sonic clock he didn't like so he complained about it and sold it on eBay.  Sonic fanbase to the rescue!  So the Sonic fans bought the clock from this little miscreant and then mailed it back to SEGA HQ with a lovely Christmas card and a bag of candy.  And they were overjoyed by it.

So the moral of this story--show the devs a little love cause they know how much Sega sucks too and they need their fanbase behind them always.

That's it--drop everything--we're making a Daytona USA clock, a calendar, some iambic pentameter poetry, pens and t-shirts, some Wendy's free frosty coupons, MAIL IT ALL to Sega of Japan and maybe we'll get Yu Suzuki to shed a tear and Nagoshi to stop drinking for a sec.  You know, loosen then up for when the real Daytona coalition arrives...

Monday, January 17, 2011

Morose Times In Louisiana (Not So Blue Skies)

Now I know why I've felt so weird over the past couple of weeks.  Here in Louisiana where I live, it's not too cold, the weather's not bad, we're not overly depressed, but everything around here looks so dingy and unsaturated, the sun's not too bright, short daytime hours, overcast, almost as depressing as Katrina...  Whenever I get out of the house, it makes me feel weird.

In order to cheer you up, here's a picture of a ferret:


Oh yeah, and I'm looking around at stupid crap on MSN's homepage and I see that we're close to "Blue Monday," the most depressing day of the year.  You think so?  Well, guess what that means, funky music time to boost your spirits:

Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

 I honestly have no idea who made this pic (it's quite old) so I can't give attribution just yet.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Top 10 Things I'd Change About Daytona USA 2

Yes, this is one topic I was thinking up for some time, but let's get this in here now. 

Yes, this is strange cause after looking around this blog, you'd think Daytona could do no wrong...well, that's not true.  After writing my post on problems with Daytona USA for Dreamcast, I thought it might seem a bit unfair that I'm playing favorites with the Sega racing games...  Hey look, I may like these games, but I call them as I see it.  Perfect games don't exist.  You can get as close as you can to perfection, but you can't actually achieve it.  Daytona 2 is one of those games that comes as close to perfection as you can get, mostly because of its theme, sense of speed, soundtrack, and other intangibles.

I'm not going to include content-related things like "add more cars/tracks" or "improve the graphics" because that would be too obvious.  This would normally be classified as a Top 10 list, but these are in no particular order.  Here we go:

1. The visual car damage is a bit ridiculous.  In terms of car "violence," this is probably one of Sega's most brutal titles.  You can tell AM2 was going for the intense, edgy racing experience.  This was before the days of Burnout and I can tell someone will make the comparison, although as I've said before, in Daytona 2, crashes aren't "rewarded" like they are in Burnout so the point is moot.

In a standard race against AI opponents, it's nearly impossible to complete a race without having your hood or trunk come loose, catching air and increasing wind resistance.  Thankfully damage has little to no effect on car performance unless you're in an endurance race.  It's just weird--all it takes is one guy to just swerve towards you and your blemish-free car is trashed.  I think if they toned down the amount of visual damage it would be better since it seems like AM2 got a bit carried away here, trying to make it drastically different from Daytona 1.

2. I think they should have stuck with the Battle on the Edge physics.  When it comes to the Power Edition handling, I feel it's too easy.  The cars' skidpad/downforce ratings are rather forgiving and you can do fairly well in the Chums Gum or Scorpio cars by just "Gran Turismo"-ing it (no drifts, just regular grip cornering).  Don't get me wrong--if you can perform at the top level, then the Phantom is still worth it.  But I feel that Battle on the Edge physics are much more rewarding.

Besides, I felt that Scud Race was slightly harder than Daytona 2: PE so I think a difficulty hike is in order.  However, this is coming from someone who's hardly played Scud Race so what do I know...?

3. Fix the force feedback on the deluxe cabinet during drifts.  This is the deluxe cabinet:

Now, what do I mean...?  Well, when you turn left and right like normal, the cabinet shifts like you're in an actual car.  Cool.  But when you lock the car into a drift, the seat sort of shifts back into the neutral position and just stays there.  Not sure why is does that--give more emphasis on the drifts...

4. Another funny little easter egg that Sega AM2 added is that you can complete a race driving backwards.  Yes, you could do it in Daytona 1/2001/whatever.  Basically, just turn around and complete laps like normal, you'll get time extensions and lap progress although your position will be last.  In Daytona 2001, you unlocked a secret car by finishing a race in reverse so Sega was definitely self-aware...

So you can finish a race driving backwards (or, as the game says, the "wrong way"), but how it goes down is somewhat awkward.  As you drive headfirst into oncoming traffic, your car just sort of rubs off the other cars and you lose a little speed but that's it.  I'm not exactly sure why this is...I guess they were trying to prevent players from cheesing others by driving in reverse...  Whatever, take a look:

I actually did manage to finish a race in reverse this way.  Was rather funny although you had to hang low in the track to avoid as many collisions as possible.

5. Sometimes, the pit chief needs to shut the hell up.  I understand that in Daytona USA 1, your "cowboy" pit chief said the same five things over and over again.  In this game, there's little improvement.  Still sounds robotic in a sense.  The guy's voice is so boisterous, particularly in Power Edition over the radio.  I also love how he says "There's a crash coming out of turn three, watch yourself!!" at the beginning of every Advanced course race, EVEN WHEN YOU'RE PLAYING IN TIME LAP MODE.

Go to 4:37:

6. Better competitive multiplayer?  What I mean is that in Daytona 1, it was possible for players to push each other around.  In Daytona 2, I think they cut down on that so you can hardly impose your will on the other players.  Now I'm not asking for Forza wrecks here where you die just from one little love tap, but come on, if I want to throw a little muscle, let me do it.

I don't really know that much about it since I've hardly played multiplayer.  Though I've won every time that I have, oh yeah.  I'm just listening to opinions from other players here.

7. Make the AI cars more competitive.  It's kind of sad that within a minute of the race, the division between the grid is so vast.  The last place car is going 150 mph, the first place is going 200.  Now I see what Sega was getting at here--using the cars as a "meter stick."  For instance, if you come in 20th one race then 15th in the next, you feel like you've improved.  While the AI cars in Daytona 2 are a lot more aggressive than those in Daytona 1/2001, I felt that they could've upped the ante and make you feel like you're more "on par" with the other cars in terms of performance.

Another thing that's funny is that the AI cars never drift in turns.  Come on, let me see some drifts, people.  Also the ridiculous AI cars just catching on fire doesn't make much sense either--that's another thing there just to be edgy--avoid flaming cars or you'll die!!  I just want the AI to be more "realistic" to make it seem like you're driving among 39 other human players rather than just cookie-cutter would be much more enriching that way.

8. Oh come on, you gotta keep the original Palm Rock Valley course from Battle on the Edge!  It's one of Sega's greatest examples of stunning visuals!  The Power Edition NASCAR course ain't bad though.  It's a tough call but I always tend to err towards scenery porn (lol) so please forgive me.  Maybe an option to choose between the two...?

See the "Wrong Way" video above for Palm Rock Valley footage.

9. Is the Hornet car in Power Edition screwed up, yes or no?  Now, I remember playing as the Hornet in Daytona 2 (it was my first car actually, lol).  It is very easy to drift, but it also felt too jerky.  Now I'm not sure what exactly is the cause.  Sometimes, a cabinet's setup can determine how the control turns out BIG TIME.

I remember one time I was playing San Francisco Rush at a Chuck E. Cheese's a while back and the wheel was so loose that the force feedback made it impossible to play.  Every time I would land from a jump, I would just lose control over the car and crash.  Then I go back a month later and the force feedback is fixed.  Then I proceed to dominate the Expert course with the Corvette Stingray.  So I don't doubt that the hardware can be to blame.

I just want the Hornet to A. more faithfully reproduce the handling from Daytona 1 and B. be competitive with the Daytona 2 cars.

10. This is probably the most unusual problem to remedy.  In some instances in the game, when you're going for WR times, it is more advantageous to smash into the wall rather than to brake like normal.  We saw this in Daytona 1, we saw this in Scud Race, and we see it here.  Go to 1:32:

Clearly, the reason why he wrecks is because it allows him to drive at top speed for a longer period of time.  The car reinstates itself back on the road in a predictable fashion.  Car damage has no repercussions whatsoever so the rest of the lap times are on pace.

Now...what I'm trying to say is that I wish this were never the case.  As long as car damage is only visual, you can't stop people from plowing into the wall.  We also saw something like this in Project Gotham Racing and even in Gran Turismo where it would be more advantageous to use the wall rather than the brakes to slow down.  Anyone who has played Gran Turismo has wall-rided on that sharp turn in Trial Mountain, don't lie...

What can be done to fix this?  Maybe reduce the amount of speed lost by wall contact (and grass for that matter) and make the ensuing grip loss less predictable.  That way wrecks are punishable and aren't a substitute for technical use of the brakes/gear shifter.  I assume this will work, but obviously I don't have my hands on the source code and thus can't mess with it and test it out.

There's no telling that even if you change the source code that there will still be some sort of crash exploit in the first place so I don't know to what extent this can be remedied.


Anyway, now you know about Daytona USA 2.  I told you I'll lay it down on the table for you.  Still a great game, I love it so much, it makes me happy.  Sega, you can improve on an already great game.  And hopefully this'll do it for now since I've wracked my brain enough for now...

Shenmue Fans And Sega Diehards, We Salute You

I know this is an old video, but while looking around at sites I usually miss like SegaShiro, you find cool stuff like this that makes you feel encouraged:

Now, to tell you the truth, I don't know a whole lot about Shenmue, but this is good stuff.  Props to you Shenmue diehards, let Sega know you're there...  Funny thing is Shenmue isn't some fantasy/sci-fi/medieval type of RPG that the average GameFAQs drone drools over so that's why it seems so neat.  Really, Shenmue is cool.

Seriously, Sega fans are some of the most battered and bruised...don't just ask me with my Daytona games, ask around.  You never hear anything "good" come out of Sega anymore but we're still talking.  Oh they never really go all out on anything anymore (except Sonic, but they drive that into the ground) so you're left in dire straits all the time.  Regardless, Sega still has that "magic" that you can't dismiss.  So this one's for you, Sega fans, no matter how outnumbered you may be...  : )

Until then, it would be awesome to have a Sega "pep rally."  Just fill up a stadium full of Sega diehards and have then shout and scream like at a sporting event...  For what point, I don't know.  Maybe to let Sega know we're actually there...

Friday, January 14, 2011

OUTRUN ONLINE ARCADE DISCOUNT, Sega Dreamcast Collection Is Disappointing, & Nagoshi Is At It Again, Going For The Longest Title Ever This Includes Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing

Guys, if you don't own the game already, just buy it from Xbox Live Marketplace before it's gone forever.  It's only FIVE DOLLARS.  Do Sega justice.  Check it out on the official XBL site.


Word was leaked about a month ago that there would be a Sega Dreamcast compilation for next-gen consoles.

Well, guess what.  The compilation will have just those four games we already own--Sonic Adventure, Crazy Taxi, Space Channel 5, & Bass Fishing.  Nothing new, nothing truly surprising.

Now in a way, this is good news because with the marketplace servers constantly dropping games for good (see OutRun: OOA) so at least you can still play these four games "forever."  I still don't know why everyone's so surprised and disappointed by this.  I didn't even expect Sega to add more than four games within this time frame.  They haven't even released SC5 and BF yet and you expect them to come out with a lot more games too like Sonic Adventure 2, Power Stone, etc.?

Too bad they couldn't throw Soul Calibur on that disc too and make it five games instead of four, but that's Namco fault.  Namco sucks, we all know that.


Nagoshi is recruiting more people to be in his next zombie Yakuza game.  This time it's not just the usual fashion model; this is some Japanese comedian dude named Esper Ito.

I always come on here and am like, "Nagoshi, you idiot, what are you doing," but maybe I'm just being selfish...maybe people in Japan want zombie games with fashion models and comedians in them as opposed to solid racing games...who am I kidding...

At least at the end of the day, Sega has something to hang their hat on in Yakuza.  I guess...

You can spend your life making good Daytona games or breaking pencils, take your pick.


And Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing is rumored to be released as an arcade game.  I don't believe it but I'm just saying...

Thursday, January 13, 2011

I'm Blown Away By College!!!!!

Oh my, how things turn out...

I've been nearing the finish line on my Computer Science Bachelor's Degree at Southeastern Louisiana University for some time.  Last October, I was led to believe I couldn't graduate in Fall '10 as I expected.  This is how it went down as briefly as possible:

I register for Fall '10 commencement.  Then I get this strange e-mail from some lady in the department office asking about some classes that I've missed.  Basically, how it ends up is that I've got all these people telling me that the substitute courses for the required curricula didn't work so that means I have to go back and take two Freshman Englishes, a Visual Basic programming course, and public speaking.  So all of a sudden, I go from graduating to having to delay until Spring '11 so I can tack on another 12 hours/credits.  Fantastic!  I was as angry as Hitler at that point.

So no use crying anymore.  I talk with some people to pull the plug on my Fall graduation.  Then I go ahead and schedule public speaking in a nearby off-campus site as well as three online courses, thereby making this surprise semester as stress-free as possible.

In December, I end up planning for that English Composition CLEP exam.  Basically, lay down $100 and take a test so you can prove you know Freshman English.  I take that damn test and from a range of 20 to 80, my score is 61 (need a 50 to pass).  I received this score in the mail a week ago and this I was pretty happy about.  I don't claim to know English well, but that's enough to get credit.  So at this point, I assumed that my Spring '11 schedule would get a little lighter--go from 12 to 6-9 credits left (depending on how generous the dean's office was).

So yesterday (Wednesday) me and my dad get in the car and drive up to campus and we have to give them my CLEP exam results so they can sign off on it.  The lady in the office goes up to the computer and is bewildered...I already have the credits to graduate, she said.  So why would I need to tack on extra English credits when I didn't need them?

To end it, I run back and forth between these offices and they do all this checking for me and they confirm that I actually have enough credits before the Spring '11 semester.  They slip me all these sheets of paper saying that the course substitutions I once thought were illegitimate were suddenly ratified.  I just got this blank look all over me.  They deceived me this whole time...

As of right now, I am a college graduate with a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science.

My God, I never thought this day would come.  Step 1, graduate from high school.  Step 2, graduate from college.  Step 3, graduate from another college...the list goes on.

What must've happened is that the people in the office didn't check my entire record and assumed I was missing stuff.  Then later, they read that piece of paper and say "oh, so he is done with college," but they didn't tell me.  By then, I had already canceled graduation and moved on to the next semester, so it was too late.  I just didn't find out until January.  Oh, you IDIOTS!!!!!

But that doesn't mean my tenure with Southeastern is over.  I still have to obtain my 3.922 GPA diploma.  I have until tomorrow to pick one of two options.  I'm talking it over with my family:

1. Mail me the diploma, write "Fall '10" on it, cya later, never have to speak to them again.

2. Register for graduation commencement.  Pay more money now, wait until May, then they give me the diploma with "Spring '11" it.

So, what now?  Well, it's a bittersweet victory.  It's good because I don't have any classes this semester.  It's bad because I can't just jump into video game graduate school since it's too late for that now.  So from now to Summer, I'm sitting here idle.  Way to delay the Daytona crusade even more now, people.  I must find a short-term job, but what would I do?

Maybe this was a good thing.  I wasn't adequately prepared to graduate in December then take off for some school I hadn't applied to in January.  I was thinking about going to Full Sail in Florida for my Master's in Game Design.  It's close to where I live.

Until then, I really don't know what to say.  You'd think I'd either celebrate or punch a baby, but I'm cool about it.  I'm probably gonna play some Call of Duty and just sleep for now.  Will get to Sega stuff later.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

New Scud Race Emulation Pics

Someone on YouTube linked me to this site and I guess it's worth checking out a few pics...  

Advances in emulation Modelu3 - and this is the speed (93 fps)! We'll see what comes up:) 

Comment from somebody: I still play this in MAME despite f'ed up graphics, no sound and terrible framerate, just because this game rocks. I really want demul svn now. the game DESPITE glitchy graphics, bad FPS and no sound...this is how good these games are.  Another testament to Sega racer quality!!!

Now don't get me wrong--I love what emulation is doing.  I would rather emulators than nothing at all.  But dammit man, Sega, you can make a hella good port with additional bells and whistles...   My head would explode.  Like I've said a billion times, they're just sitting on the game and it makes me sad.  I believe Sega can do it!  Yes, despite me kicking them all around, I only do that cause I want to correct their ways and make everyone happy...

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Outstanding New Super Mario Bros. Post

HEADS-UP: Due to the large amount of Google Image hits I got for the Koopalings pic, let me just specifically say I didn't make the pic nor didn't intend to receive so many hits for it....  Click here for the picture's original page (credit to nintendrawer on deivantArt).


Oh ho ho, don't we have a treat for you, boys and girls.  Cause there's absolutely nothing Daytona or Sega-related for me to complain about, let's talk about Nintendo.  Ooo, I went there.  Let's have some fun (as if we hadn't had any yet).  I know this is completely out in left field but I DON'T CARE.

So this is my family's second Wii.  This one is hooked up to the main television.  My parents thought it would be nice to have another one.  Once the gimmick of playing Wii Bowling wore off, I was left with this copy of New Super Mario Bros. Wii which came as part of the Wii package but no one noticed but me.  It sat there in that little sleeve--not a normal game box.  Hmm, so this is interesting, I thought...


So anyway, there's not much to say about it.  It came out in 2009.  It plays out like Super Mario Bros. 3--you get items, you walk around the world map beating levels.  You can ride Yoshi in a handful of levels--not many unfortunately...  You got this cheap-ass item in the form of "Helicopter Mario" who can fly like an eagle...makes beating levels much easier, like the P-Wing from Mario 3.

One difference is that the controls were rather different from the old Mario NES games.  In SMB1-3, you could zip around, catch some major air, etc. but in this one, Mario's much slower.  To compensate, you can do the ground pound and the wall kick (see Super Mario 64) which comes in handy.

So you can play up to 4 players simultaneously.  Oh Good Lord, it's bad enough with two.  So me and my brother were playing a while back and we went up to World 3, took the warp zone to World 6, and beat the rest of the game from there.  We just kept pushing each other off the cliffs.  He would run ahead and you've have to keep up or you'd be left behind to die.  As long as one player is alive, the dead player comes back in a "bubble" and you can keep playing like normal, kind of like in Halo how you wait for your teammate to be revived before you go on.

To compare, me and my brother spent 7 continues to beat the game.  On the other hand, I sat down from start to finish in 1-player and beat the game (no warp zones) in about five hours with 70+ lives spare.  I think the game's too damn generous, but if it were any harder than multiplayer would be impossible.

To increase the replay value of the game, you can go back to any level and collect three big coins per level to unlock stuff, but it's not like it's necessary...once you beat it, I don't know what else to do.  Try speedrunning I guess?


And there's another part of the game that intrigued me.  This is one of the few games that has the Koopalings in it.  In case you didn't know, these are Bowser's seven kids (who's the mother, I don't wanna know).  They're most well known for being the bosses at the end of each world you beat the crap out of (jump on their heads three times) in Super Mario 3/World and then you move on to the next level.  Eight worlds = seven Koopalings + Bowser.  That makes sense, especially consider NSMBWii (oh man) has "eight" worlds too.

Of course, Bowser Jr. pops up and he's the eighth Koopaling, apparently.  He also appears in NSMBWii as an intermediary boss among many other recent Mario games.  Nothing wrong with him, but lately, if Bowser needs dirty deeds done dirt cheap, he goes to Bowser Jr.  Not much of anything on the other seven Koopalings.  Like they were originally meant to be "palette swaps" or whatever so you didn't end up fighting the same boss every time.  However, over time they became seven personalities that Nintendo didn't give much face time which makes little sense.

Maybe they're trying to do like Sonic in that the more characters in the game means the worse that it is, but that is a topic for another day.  Although about that, Sonic Adventure 2 is considered the best 3-D game and that has 7 main Sonic characters in it.  Yeah, so more is worse.

Yes, I know the Koopalings were in Hotel Mario, Yoshi's Safari, Mario is Missing, etc. but those don't really count.  Interestingly, there's a lot of stuff on them in the SMB3 cartoon and the comics, but I'm surprised it means nothing today.  Cartoons and manga mean nothing when it comes to game canon.  Click here for MORE INFORMATION!!!

My favorite is Iggy Koopa.  For one, we are both incredibly smart, and you see this in my blog every day.  He's the only boss in NSMBWii to have a Chain Chomp.  Also, he's demented.  This guy's the man.  Kind of reminds me of myself...

I mean, I come on this blog, complain about Sega, Burnout, Fast and the Furious, etc.  Then I throw knives at and shoot targets based on said video games.  I then punch a hole in the wall.  In my idle time, I talk to myself often, making mundane conversation about what just happened five minutes ago.  Later, I play Rock Band or Call of Duty and use extreme profanity whenever I miss a note or die in the game.  When the day's over, I lie down in bed and cry myself to sleep listening to Daytona USA 2 music and other "sad" songs like Fleetwood Mac's Gypsy thinking about what has happened to Sega and gaming as we know it...  Plus, when you have songs like this and this on your Sansa Fuze MP3 player (cause I refuse to buy an iPod), you know there's something strange going on upstairs.

Yes, we will all now get the Iggy Koopa hats, mugs, t-shirts, and "Celeryhead for Secretary of Homeland Security" buttons.  Oh, what do I mean by that?  Well you notice how Princess Peach has been kidnapped like 100,000,000 times already?  What the hell's going on?  This is a VIP for crying out loud, get some Secret Service agents here, some hired guns, something other than the Mario Bros who apparently can't be there for her 24/7 (and even when they are, they hardly do anything, they just sit there and watch her being carried away)!

Thankfully, they haven't killed her yet--she's been hanging in there with a will to live.  You also see how none of the Toads or Yoshis carry any guns so Bowser is basically able to take over the country at will.  So clearly, the Mushroom Kingdom has no idea how to defend itself.  Now, what about Mario, you say?  Well...:

1. If it weren't for Mario and the player's resilience an infinite lives/continues, then the Mushroom Kingdom has no chance.
2. It's better to prevent something from happening than to fix it afterwards...that's like saying it's better for us to absorb a terrorist attack than it is to prevent one...what a bunch of baloney.

So bribe Iggy (like a sports coach/player, recruit him with money, more face time, etc.) or SOMEBODY, bring in some tanks, artillery, fancy satellite dishes, battleships, carriers, fighter jets, bombers, SAM missiles, etc.  I mean, who better to bribe than the smartest of the Koopa kids?

Or if you want to go cheap, just slip the ruler of Mushroom Kingdom a copy of this friendly Nintendo product so they can learn about conventional warfare:


I also like to check out what other Mario games are being made and I'm reading about all these onves I've never played, such as Paper Mario and Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story...  I mean, I understand Nintendo needs to diversify its games, but why are these all RPG's?  Not that RPG's are bad, but come on.  It's like Shigeru Miyamoto and his crew are sitting in the war room of an underground bunker, with recycled air whooshing and computers buzzing all around, deciding how to destroy Sega among other things...:

GUY: Sir!  All these kids are playing Final Fantasy!  They can't get enough of turn-based combat and deep storylines and Pokemon ain't cutting it!  What do we do now?

MIYAMOTO: Why don't we expand our portfolio by churning out a series of Mario RPG games!  Everyone loves Mario and everyone loves's a win-win for our side!  LET'S MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Let's take a look at the plot for such games...okay, let's try the recent Bowser's Inside Story.  The Toads are swelling up from some disease, this dude Fawful assumes mind control over Bowser who swallows Mario & Luigi whole, then Bowser runs around while Mario and Luigi are in his lower intestine and by then my head hit the table with a resounding thud.


And one last thing because I can't take it anymore--this last pic was apparently made to swoon the fangirls, but it perfectly sums up my relationship with Nintendo.  Kiss my ass, Nintendo.  You know what--scratch that, Sega too.  Sega, you've done nothing but sit on your fat ass since OutRun 2 and even then you didn't do much beforehand besides the Dreamcast!  No wait--every video game in general, EVERY ONE OF YOU, for pissing me off with all this gore, violence, and other dreaded aspects that permeate through our culture!  You ruined my life!

If you actually played New Super Mario Bros. Wii, you know damn well what this is about.  I think I posted more than enough Iggy fan art before it borders the line of "awkward."  I'm through, goodbye, I wanna get out of here.


DISCLAIMER: In light of the 1/8/11 Tuscon shooting during the meeting of Arizona Representative Gabrielle Giffords, I didn't mean to appear insensitive to the shootings or portray myself as a serial killer in the works.  I don't punch holes in walls...  Please take this post with some sarcasm.