The Future Of (Lousy) Interactive Entertainment

Help, I'm suffering from ear barotrauma and it's pissing me off.  EDIT: I think I got fluid buildup in my ear, that sucks.  Nevertheless, it's time for a post!  Recently, I was browsing the Internets as usual and I came across a funny slideshow.  The gradual change of Super Mario Bros. from the past to the present.  Here's the photo album.

It goes from this serene image:

...to this horrible abomination:

More supplemental material!

Oh boy, another fun-filled rant about "casual" gaming is ruining everything!  As usual, Call of Duty is the culprit.  If you're a 4chan/Reddit poster, then this is all too familiar.  So I'm going to cut to the chase.

The way I picture it, the computer/console gaming world has morphed into this behemoth consisting of video games, movies, music, social media, YouTube, motion controls, 24/7 downloadable content (for a sizable fee), you name it.  You can't simply "play games" or "update Facebook" anymore in a vacuum.  It's the Wal-Mart Syndrome...you go there to get everything you need, you get the "whole experience."

Bring this with you on a desert island and you're good!

Problem is, it obfuscates the primary reason we turn these things on in the first place and that is to PLAY GAMES, not to be disturbed by these other things I have little to no interest in.

I read an article from a friend's blog a long time ago (thanks Dave).  Basically, the Xbox 360 is no longer a game console--it's an entertainment hub.  Fair enough...Microsoft populated the new 360 dashboard with all this online crap so let's just bypass it.  Yet--and I'll throw this in here too--even if you stick to just playing the damn games, they aren't really "games" anymore...they're movies too (sort of).  Interactive as playing a game but as expedient as watching a movie--follow the instructions, watch the cutscenes, and be done with it in hours.  Not the first time I said this but let me delve into it further.

All the cutscenes, tutorials, linear hold-your-hand gameplay might as well substitute for "interactive stimulation" or something.  Don't get me wrong, some games clearly call for plenty of cutscenes (like Yu Suzuki's Shenmue) or tutorials/instructions/limitations (pretty much any strategy game), but they've gone way too far with many action-based games like FPS and racing games.  And this becomes a BIG issue when more production value is put into these side things than the actual gameplay itself (which is why I get pissed at games like Need for Speed which are basically rehashes of the same material in a different package).

Just for kicks, I looked up the definitions of the term "game" and "movie" on Dictionary.com.

Game (noun) - a competitive activity involving skill, chance, or endurance on the part of two or more persons who play according to a set of rules, usually for their own amusement or for that of spectators.

Movie (noun) - redirects to Motion Picture (noun) 1. a sequence of consecutive pictures of objects photographed in motion by a specially designed camera (motion-picture camera) and thrown on a screen by a projector (motion-picture projector) in such rapid succession as to give the illusion of natural movement. 2. a play, event, or the like, presented in this form.

While a video game can be a movie (sequence of pictures), can a movie be a video game (competitive activity of skill)?  Food for thought...

Speaking of food, here's the schtick I was leading up to this whole time.  See Seinfeld Season 9 Episode 4 titled "The Blood."  George is on a date with his girlfriend when she lights up a vanilla incense.  The scent makes George ravenously hungry during a makeout session.  Therefore, George starts eating pastrami sandwiches at intimate moments..."Food and sex, those are my two passions!  It's only natural to combine them!"  This causes George to behave strangely when eating in public much to Jerry's chagrin.  Later, George goes for the trifecta...he smuggles a handheld TV into the mix.  Needless to say, his girlfriend caught him in the act and immediately broke up.

The point is you gotta keep 'em separated!  It's just strange because we've come so far in terms of technology, we're supposed to be "happier" with our newer games.  But messing around with these new consoles, it's a hassle to deal with the clutter of big-budget "movie-games", online subscriptions, perpetual DLC & advertisements, annoying online communities, over-reliance on game servers, RRoD's, and so forth.  Back then you occasionally blew on the cartridge and that's all you needed to play the game.  It was amazingly simple but it was first and foremost a game, not some bizarre digital amalgamation.

Seriously, tossing away all racing games for a second, I think Goldeneye on the N64 was one of my most favorite games ever.  Yes, it's massively outdated and is not as playable on your worn out N64 joysticks.  But I think it was awesome to run around unlocking cheats and beating the game on 00A using my wits and a few strategy guide tips to get by.  Nowadays, everything intrudes on the game itself that it just sucks.  My appeal for this current generation of games has been waning ever since.  Maybe I'm having a "grass is greener" moment, but eh.  Let's all be indie developers and make more GAMES first and foremost--yeah, that would be cool, bro.  Get in a time machine and travel back to 1998, best of both next-gen and previous-gen games, that's the ticket...

YouTube And Game Cutscenes

I was pleasantly surprised to log into YouTube about a week ago to find out that a 4+ year old video I uploaded is now "copyright infringement" and my account has a strike on it.  Tell me what else is new.

But rather than send me an e-mail of wrongdoings or come over to my house and drag me into the town square as they scorn, whip, and spit at me, I get an stern invitation to "YouTube Copyright School."

You have to watch a Happy Tree Friends video of how horrible of a person you are.  Wait--what...??  Happy Tree Friends??  Do they show the part where you're impaled by a stake or beheaded with a guillotine???  The video talk about how you can't post videos of other peoples' content and paste the words "I DON'T OWN THIS CONTENT" or "IT'S FAIR USE, I SWEAR" as an alibi.  If you do, you get a strike.  Three strikes and your account is suspended FOREVER.  If you answer the questions (not all of them are referenced in the video), you get your strike taken away...six months from now.

...But enough about me.  I don't care about those videos anyway.  So you may be wondering why these videos are taken down.  People who own the content sift through YouTube searches and mark any video that they believe violates they copyright.  But wait, what about Fair Use?  No, nothing to do with SOPA/PIPA/etc. this is just normal old copyright law.  In brief, here are the four things that are looked at to determine if it really is Fair Use:

1. The purpose and character of the use, including whether such use is of commercial nature or is for nonprofit educational purposes.
2. The nature of the copyrighted work (if it's a motion picture, soundtrack, video game footage, etc.).
3. The amount and substantiality of the portion used in relation to the copyrighted work as a whole (did you copy bits and pieces or the whole thing?).
4. The effect of the use upon the potential market for, or value of, the copyrighted work (how much profit do you detract from the owner?).

The funny thing about Fair Use is that there's no absolute formula to figure it out.  If your video negatively applies to two or more of these, it's probably Fair Use.  If it's one (or even zero), it's probably not Fair Use. Hence, properly.  I assume most of the evil copyright police don't take the time to think whether or not it's Fair Use--they just mark the video and move on.  If you disagree with the mark, you can reply with a counter-notice (a document that says "it's Fair Use, STFU") but it's such a mess I wouldn't bother with it unless you're absolutely certain.

Now for how it pertains to video games.  It's funny because when you think about it, there's a hough-jazz amount of video game clips out there.  And in theory, most or all of them violate copyright in some way.  And not just unedited footage but montages, guides, paradies (specifically and supposedly covered by Fair Use), YouTube Poops, and fan stuff in general. The only reason why there isn't this mass eradication of YouTube videos is because frankly, most game companies don't care or have the patience to deal with it.

I read somewhere that as video games become more cutscene-based, that you're seeing more and more of these long ass cutscenes, these "Let's Play"s, or whatever.  Stuff from games like Mass Effect, Halo, Heavy Rain, Uncharted, Assassin's Creed, Grand Theft Auto.  And, in some sort of a sick way, they can deter people from actually buying the game.  Part of all these massive games is the curiosity of figuring out and unlocking stuff.  And with the opportunity to just cut through all the "lousy" gameplay you don't like and see everything for yourself, spoilers and all.


Honestly, folks, you have no reason to play this game now.

Let's take Heavy Rain.  I already talked about this game before.  In terms of gameplay, it's all walking around and QTE's.  There's a couple of things you can do to change the outcome but not much else besides go from stage to stage.  What if don't feel like playing it?  Or buying it?  Or buying the PS3 required to play it?  Just look at a YouTube movie.  Problem solved...sort of.  Not the same thing as playing it but you get some "entertainment" from watching it.  Enough to divert a couple of folks like me.

PRESS X TO JASON

This whole topic may sound asinine to some cause playing the actual game is best way to go.  Hey, I'm not denying that.  Nor am I suggesting that all game cutscenes should be removed from YouTube.  It's just strange that in the face of DRM's, anti-used game policy, tons of DLC, etc., one of the most back-handed ways of "cheating" the system is right in front of you.  It's as if an avalanche is being held back by a single stone and no one's nudging it.  Some game companies have caught on and start putting ads in front of their vids which probably infers that's the farthest they're willing to go.

...doesn't really bother me anyway.  I like production value in my games but personally, I'm a "gameplay guy."   Only exception is Shenmue which is awesome.  The rest of you crappy games can go to hell.

But actually, back on the subject of game companies--it seems completely random which companies want to take down copyrighted  footage.  I knew a YouTube guy named Howard Cneal.  Basically, he had mounds of ROMs on his computer for lots of vintage consoles (Famicom, Super Famicom, 32X, GBA, X6800, Amiga) and would "review" each for two-three minutes and make ridiculous commentary about them.  Somehow, he pissed off some relatively non-descript JRPG company like Atlus and then his account was swiftly removed.  He obviously stopped uploading videos after that.  It's really funny that a few obsolete movies can tick off a few people and then the harshest of penalties are dealt.

Bear in mind, that this whole time, we're just focused on video game footage.  Same thing applies to TV, movies, music, etc. but much worse.  Watch out for Viacom!!  They will molest you the first, second, and third chance they get.  Oh, the YouTube leviathan...don't f*** with YouTube.


Evil TV footage eroding the corporate culture of the Internet.  BTW, this show is boss.

BTW, your YouTube account is also binded with Google and Blogspot.  If my YouTube account was suspended some day, does that affect my Blogspot account?  What if Google concludes that I'm a troublemaker who doesn't deserve a blog?  Why do they instill us--err...me with such paranoia?

Sadly, if SOPA passed, it would've been much worse.  Remember the "recording of little girl singing Lady Gaga" example.  Apparently, according to SOPA, that's pure evil and may result in jail time.  So throw Fair Use out the window there.  And it would've been nauseating to watch the nukes & fallout all over YouTube. I'm just glad that bill is gone...for now.  We're fans of games.  That's why we make YouTubes, fan sites, blogs, etc.  Cut us a break since we're all empty on the inside.

I won a can!

Still, Shenmue defies all the rules cause it's awesome.  I refuse to spoil the game by watching the cutscenes.  You know what, I keep hearing all this talk on Reddit and elsewhere about the overwhelming desire for a Half-Life 3.  Valve is a rich nice guy, Gabe Newell is a billionaire who replies to your e-mails, etc. so bring us Half-Life 3.  That game will inevitably come out, that's for sure.  But you know what--WE WANT SHENMUE 3!!!  DO IT, YU SUZUKI, AND BALANCE WILL BE RESTORED TO GAMING FOREVER!!!  Well, that, or Daytona USA 3.

Though I wouldn't mind a Half Life 3...wait, cardboard signs outside Valve???  We need to do something like this Sega.

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EDIT: NVM, I've seen the light.  Thanks Reddit cause this is 100% true.

These YT videos are so craptastic they aren't obstructing anyone's copyrights.  But I would like to see 'em taken down anyway.

Sonic & Sega Racing 2, AWWWWWW YEAH

Happy Valentine's day.  Oh, this is just great--a sequel to Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing, leaked by a Sega booth attendant at the New York Toy Fair.  His ass is fired but don't frag the messenger...thank him for the great news!

I needed a picture so I got this.

I keep reading on these websites that this game is another "crap Sonic game."  First, this game wasn't crap--yeah it wasn't flawless but it was good (78% on GameRankings).  Second, in case you couldn't read, it's a "SEGA" game, not a Sonic game.  The only really good Sega racer we got in recent times.  Really, what else am I supposed to play?  Mario Kart?  Where are all these people flipping out over Mario Kart 7?  No, cause Mario Kart 7 is mediocre (don't shoot me for this).  Move over, Nintendo, cause Sega can do Kart racing too.

Look, the Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing talk isn't old, I went into detail about it long, long ago.  Sumo Digital also ported OutRun 2--I have a lot of faith in these guys to do better with SaSASR 2 than with 1.

EDIT: Guess I'll say this.  I know that SaSASR 1 was lacking in the content department.  Too many Sonic characters and recycled track assets.  I think if they append what they did from the first game to the second (I am all in favor of re-using tracks from the previous game even if they undergo few changes) then that'll be great.

OH CHECK IT OUT, RICK ROLL IN ROCK BAND, AWWWW YEAH TIMES 10000000.

....Aaaaaannnnnddd, I can't talk much nowadays since I've done so much programming homework that at the end of the day, I'm not in the mood to stare at the screen.  Second homework assignment I turned in five minutes before the deadline (11:55 pm).  It's like defusing bombs with seconds to spare--it's fun!!!



Quick, you have 16 hours to finish the 32 hour-long assignment or else you lose 10% credit for each day late, PROGRAM FASTER YOU NUBS!!!!1!!1!!!!!!!!!!!  What's that--you only have one hour left?  Thirty minutes???  TEN MINUTES???  Will I crash the build if I submit this?  WWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apartments Are Strange

This post, I'm not even going to bring up crap like Ridge Racer or Burnout.  Let's just put that out of our minds for now.

This is a funny post.  Right now, I've been in Florida for a month.  I live in a cozy little apartment.  I'm not going to tell you my address--I don't want any hitmen tracking me.  This experience isn't new since I also spent time in college dorms a few years back.

So I'm just chillin' in my little apartment and I occasionally see people coming and going out the exit.  I say "hi" but that's it.  But you look down that blank hallway and see all the doors and you think...what's GOING ON in there?  You see, living in a house in a suburb/neighborhood is different since you have a "buffer zone."  On the other hand, with apartments, there's just a three-inch wall separating you from the next guy.  And to make things more mysterious, my apartment walls are made of brick so I really can't hear what goes on over there...your imagination runs wild with the unknown.

I feel like I'm playing Return to Zork.  Or any other early 90's CD adventure game.

FYI, this is not my apartment building.

Don't turn off the lights, a grue will molest your face.

I know some of you think I'm driving at wild animals, meth labs, bondage/S&M stuff/massagers/blow-up dolls or anything that would make normal people blush but that's not what I'm looking for.  I'm talking...creepy Twilight Zone stuff.  And it was all next door but you never looked.

Ok this is stupid but it's a tangent that came up in my mind for just a few seconds and I thought it was interesting to share.  And I'm not one of those conspiracy/supernatural kooks either so let's not go there.

A good example of this was in Super Mario RPG.  I'm fairly certain everyone has played this game before.  There's a place called Monstro Town (it's about 2/3rds into the game).  Holy s*** it's weird.

Ok, I know this is a town, not an apartment, but the doors are all lined up like an apartment.  It also has the traditional balcony/outdoor hallway like many apartments have.

You can just walk into anyone's apartment.  The people are nice and there must be an absence of crime in these parts.  Who goes by the name "Monstermama" anyway???

Holy cow, it's a friggin creepy chest.

Ok, this is the karate dojo.  Yay, martial arts!  I got my yellow belt on the second day!!  Orange belt here I come!

Now here's a store.  The adult sells you regular goods, the kids sell you mushrooms that turn your character into...a mushroom.  This is obviously a metaphor for drug dealers.

There's a hotel with a bed you can just sleep in (where's the housekeeper?).  Then three ghosts talk to you in your sleep.  Ghosts--no thanks.  I'll just whoop their ass with some holy water.

Then there's this spring that sends you to this far away temple where monsters try to eat you.  So it's kind of like the ghetto down the road...don't go there, it ain't safe.

Then you go into another apartment and there's some folks having tea time.  Yes I know that in the Mario world, these various creatures are like people of different ethnicity and walks of life...I get it.  But this guy hears weird stuff next door.

MINOR SPOILER...hell, no one cares.  If you don't know this by now, shame on you.  Later on in the game, you can find out the source of that mumbling next door.

Then you enter this purpley-void and at this point, I just shat bricks.  Seriously, when I was a kid, I could never summon the courage to even walk in the room.  Then you fight this Final Fantasy-style boss Culex (he gives you the option to leave without a fight).  Okay, he's the toughest guy in the game.  We get it.

Also, this Counter-Strike map called "blahhh" does a good job of sucking you into strange worlds.  I love it.



EDIT: Another CS map called "duhhh"



Anyway, thanks Video Games, TV, and Movies, now I'm scared to open doors to unknown rooms.  Cause I might get sucked into another dimension.  Then again, I would never go into some stranger's apartment uninvited.  This post sucks.  Unless you're under the influence of drugs, then this is inspirational...

Oh yeah, I also saw this sweet complex apartment they are going to build in South Korea (like they would build it in North Korea?).  This is worth showing.

Now this is nifty but we are on the verge of making arcologies from SimCity.  Don't bother...high-density zones are not for me.  If you can pack 65,000 residents a single building (complete with rocket boosters to send into outer space), odds are it's not a very cozy place to be.

Come to think of it, I don't like the big city.  People weird me out anyway.

I miss my family back home in Slidell, Louisiana.  550 miles (885 km) away.  Now that's not bad for some but I feel like I'm floating in a void these days.  I need to socialize with people I know.  Watching ESPN reruns ain't cutting it for me.  Yes, I know Michael Vick and Tony Romo are hurt, I got it the first 500 times you said it.

My Desk At Gaming School!!

Ok, I want to knock this out now since it's really cool.  Everyone at FIEA (the gaming school I go to), gets a desk with a laptop docking station.  I've already been here a month so I've got mine setup.  Mine is out of the way (which I don't mind...I hate being in high-traffic locations anyway) but it looks really cool.

Yes, I actually got my Sega racer pics up!  Awesome!!!

This is my big wall.  As you can see, there's Sega AM2, Daytona USA 1/2, OutRun 1/2, Scud Race, Sega Rally, Crazy Taxi, Virtua Racing, Yu Suzuki, and Toshihiro Nagoshi (calling him useless).

A lamp illuminates my glorious shrine, as you can see here.  Also, there's my super laptop...a Dell, lol.

My computer.  When you plug in the laptop, the screen is tranferred to this monitor/keyboard/mouse combo.  And there's Sonic and *GASP* Mario right there.  Get this--that Mario figure was on my birthday cake when I turned six (give or take two years).

This is also hokey, but I put up some pics of my Counter-Strike maps...I don't care, I like 'em.  And that Game Creation book...rofl.

Now everyone at FIEA got a nameplate complete with some personal info as you can see here.  This is what mine says.  NOTE that I'm not about to reveal my face to the Internet...yet.  My Internet career becomes a whole different ball game once everyone knows what you look like.

Ok, you wonder how much of an interest I may have stirred by my setup.  Well, not much.  Some people have assumed I like Sega & racing games, but none have actually referred to any game like Daytona & OutRun specifically.  No one noticed Yu Suzuki or Toshihiro Nagoshi either.  Also, no one has said anything about the Counter-Strike maps.

Just letting you know...

Movin Out To Florida

In five hours, I'm getting in the car and heading to Florida for several months.  Before tonight, I took a trip to the mall to hang out, play Crazy Taxi, eat a pretzel, and just sit there.  What, am I getting into this sentimentality crap again?  Wasn't it a month ago that I moped about leaving my old house?  Well, I'm more annoyed about this 10-hour trip and all the stuff I couldn't find...moreso than I am sad about leaving.  When I get there in one piece, I'll feel much better.

Look, this whole game industry dream isn't just for me...it's for all of us.  The guy who didn't get his new Daytona, Shenmue, whatever.  The guy who asked, "What's wrong with the game industry?"  Cause if there's one thing I can at least do, then it's at least give the people a reason to smile...

Anyway, be safe cause the news hasn't been good lately.  You must know three things: where you've been, where you're going, and why you're here.  Most people don't know any of these and that leads to confusion.  That's all I have to say so think about it.

Goodbye home!  Onto actually making those games.  Sadly, I do not know how much I'll be able to post following this.  I may be completely swamped with work...who knows.  Just try to have fun I guess.  Look to the finish line...making great video games.

This is my song:



Oh yeah, today, I was playing Dr. Mario in my Firefox browser...I got to Level 17 on Medium speed (starting from Level 1).  OMG try to beat my high score!!!!!  Click here to play for free.  EDIT: That site's down, just play an emulator--may I suggest FCEUltra?

I'm also gonna add something cool to my blog soon, check it out...

ComicCon Needs OUTRUN 2 Cosplayers!!!

GameSpot's ComicCon pics.

If there's one thing about ComicCon that I'm slightly interested in, it's the cosplaying (no, not for the hundred Slave Leias...sheesus).  I mean, just pick a pop culture icon and there you go.  I know some people find cosplaying nerdy and stupid, but I dunno...give 'em a break.  Better that than sitting at home playing World of Warcraft.

But I swear to God, I really REALLY REALLY want to see some people go to ComicCon (or any of these lame-o conventions, but you'll get the most face-time there) cosplaying as Alberto, the two girlfriends, and the Flagman from OutRun 2.  I'm almost willing to PAY someone to do it.  And it has to look good too.  I'm serious about this cause I'm sick and tired of the media attention that everything else gets.  Go there and piss off all the little Nintendo/Star Wars cosplayers, make then wonder "Who are you supposed to be????" and then be like "BAM, OutRun 2 guy, b****es."  Besides, with two babes, you'll look like a pimp, can't go wrong with that.

And for the record, I don't resemble Alberto or the Flagman so don't urge me to do it instead.  Besides, where am I gonna get the two girls?

Of course, with OutRun 2 reaching 8-years-old, it is becoming increasingly irrelevant...  Still gotta do it anyway FOR SEGA JUSTICE.  EDIT: Even Shenmue, Crazy Taxi, Jet Set Radio, anything Sega related is good.  Geez...at least Duke Nukem cosplays will do for me in the meantime.  Also would be cool to see the Seinfeld crew, Old Spice Guy, and the Most Interesting Man in the World.

"I'm an equal-opportunity ass kicker..."

Fans Versus Fanboys? Nintendo Versus Sega?

I notice that the word "fanboy" gets thrown out a lot about pretty much anything.  If you like something very much, you're considered a fanboy now.  But what does that mean?  It really doesn't mean anything since it's all semantics--just a blanket statement that means, to some extent, "you suck."  But really, the definition of a fanboy tends to differ per person and it can get confusing at times.

The way I see it, there are "fans" and there are "fanboys."  A fan is basically someone who likes something to a certain extent.  (Ex. He is a fan of the Green Bay Packers and roots for them every game.)  A fanboy, on the other hand, is someone who seems so blinded by his infatuation with something that he rejects any alternatives either by ignorance or faulty logic.  He often acts in a snarky, imposing matter to the point he can no longer be rationalized with.  (Ex. He's an Apple fanboy.  He thinks Macs look the best and that PC's are buggy pieces of crap.  He loves his iPhone and criticizes anyone who doesn't use it.  He says anyone who doesn't use Apple products are stupid.  He idolizes Steve Jobs.  Etc.)

I bring this up on the fly because it seems to be a big f'n deal nowadays.  One reason is because the title of my blog is "Musings of a Sega Racing Fan."  Not fanboy.  Well, you might think from looking at this blog that I'm a huge Sega fanboy--Burnout sucks, FnF sucks, Gran Turismo sucks, Forza sucks, etc.  Look, I'd like to say I've done my research.  I do like other racing games as well as games from other genres such as FPS, rhythm, and strategy.  But for the games I don't like, I do express my reasoning behind them.  What else should I do?  I try.

Besides, if I'm a Sega fanboy, how come I criticize Sega so much?  Cause I call it like I see it, that's why.  Do not doubt me.  I've also expressed things I don't like about Daytona USA 2 and Daytona USA 2001 so it's not like I treat these things like they're perfect.  I do believe they're close to perfection though, that doesn't change.

Sometimes, it really does come down to preference, such as whether you prefer vanilla or chocolate ice cream (I like chocolate more...I can't explain it, it just taste better).  So I guess being a fanboy means using your obsession to make an ass out of yourself.  But you do have to take some of what I say as satire because games like Burnout, Nintendo, World of Warcraft...everyone pisses themselves over these things so I'm just trying to have fun with these guys.  Sometimes I'm joking, but sometimes I'm not..it depends on if they REALLY suck.

 I'm Sean Connery and you are all Alex Trebek.

So the definition of a fanboy can differ people person.  Like you may have a similar definition as mine, but much more tempered--a fanboy is anyone who likes something a lot.  So I guess you can say I'm a fanboy, maybe, but I'll respect people's opinions if they respect mine.  Try to avoid using the term "fanboy" from now on.

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Anyway, speaking of fanboys, here's a glazing example of a "fanboy."  But I'll get to that in a sec.

As an aside, during my early years in Internet surfing, I spent time looking up cheats and walkthroughs for N64 games as well as some Mario fansites.  Hey, check out this funny Nintendo site; my God it still exists.  Very damn funny/stupid site with things like "Create your own game ending," and "Bad Nintendo stories."  Click on "Fun Stuff" to see them.  Here's a few excerpts:

Bad Nintendo Experience:

Sent in by Paul Floco

After 2 hours of non-stop of playing 1942, all the ending was was
"Congratulations" It made me so mad that I beat the game in the 
front door of my house with a baseball bat.

You mad? 

Alternate Goldeneye Ending:

Sent in by Simon Mamane

You would see James Bond and Natalya Simonova will begin to be 
enemies and they will shoot each other with Moonraker Lasers then 
Oddjob, Baron Samadi, Jaws, and Mayday will come out and shoot 
James Bond. But James Bond will not die. He will take out a Golden 
Gun and shoot Oddjob, Baron Samadi, and Natalya Simonova. But 
not Jaws because James Bond will be partners with Jaws.

 Play multiplayer, you can do it there.

Super Mario 64 Changes: 

Sent in by Chris Zinn

There should be a 4 player mode with Luigi, Mario, Yoshi, Peach, Wario,
Donkey Kong, Toad, or Bowser. The mushroom makes you big, the 
fire flower would make you able to shoot fireballs, the Tanooki Suit 
would make you immune to fire and able to turn into a statue, the Frog 
Suit makes you swim very fast, and the Hammer Suit makes you able to 
throw hammers. The starman makes you invincible. The game would 
come with a multitap so you can have 8 player battles. 

My God, give this guy a job at Nintendo, he's a genius!!!

 
Another Bad Nintendo Experience:

Sent in by Anders Messermith

I went to Nintendo's headquarters in Redmond and the security guards 
escorted me out because I was snooping around. 

Damn, should've gone to Sega HQ instead; they'd let you go hog-wild there.

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But anyway, I wanted to learn more about video games in general and what people had to say about them.  So I stumbled upon this Nintendo fansite that detailed a bit of the history of Nintendo.  You mean the mafia connections and love hotels?  NO, we mean the actual games.  So there was a bias towards Nintendo, of course.  When he got to Sony, he replied "Those f***ers!!" in response to the Playstation being the bastard child of Nintendo.  But then things went way overboard when he got to "fan fiction."  Remember that this was back in 2000 when Sega was still in the console business and the two companies hated each others guts.

This is a Mario vs. Sonic fanfiction.  Now this is like my Seong Mina GameFAQs contest in that I remember it but don't have any proof so take my word for it.  The two fought in an arena with half the seats being occupied by Nintendo characters and the other half by Sega characters.  I don't know how it went down, but I know that Sonic struck down Mario and was about to "Finish him!" Mortal Kombat-style.  But before Sonic could kill Mario, Luigi came to Mario's aid and said, "If you're going to kill him, you have to get through me first."  So then Link got up, then Samus, then Fox, then every damn Nintendo character came to Mario's aid versus Sonic.  As for the Sega characters, did they help Sonic?  Heh...they all ran away in fear, leaving Sonic to die.  The end.

In order to counter Mr. Nintendo's wonderful fan fiction, I'll produce my own in response...:

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It's the year 20XX.  Nintendo and Sega have been fighting for decades.  Nintendo had Mario, Zelda, Metroid, etc. but Sega had BLAST PROCESSING so it was an evenly-matched competition for years.  But the two sides came to an agreement that rather than lead millions more soldiers AKA gamers to their doom, they decided to settle this with a one-on-one match between the best each company has to offer.  The winner's company would enslave the loser's company (this is like David & Goliath from the Bible, duh).

So who did Nintendo pick?  Well, they went with Mario because he's so damn sexy and because he's the King of Nintendo.  Who did Sega pick?



So that's what Segata Sanshiro did to Mario.  Mario incinerated into a fireball while yelling his trademark "Waaaahhhh!!" But rather than accept defeat, Link jumped up to defend Mario but Segata impaled him with his Master Sword.  Samus shot her little laser ball thing and Segata deflected it off his chest back at her.  Captain Falcon showed up and Segata did a judo flip on him and showed him his moves.  Then Segata proceeded to kill every single Nintendo character and then Sega went on to be the greatest game company of all time.  The end.

EDIT: This is sarcasm.

New CS Maps: Sonic Hydrocity/Mushroom Hill & Super Mario Bros. 2

I've still got a few of these maps to get done.  I know I still have to post the Disney World pics and other stuff, but so let's slip this in here now.

Download

Download

Download...holy s*** I actually made something pertaining to Mario/Nintendo

These are some of the earlier maps that I've made so they look a bit rugged, but still I thought these were cool maps.  Now I was tempted to go back and make a map for each Sonic 3&K level, but that would take a lot of effort for something I don't think would pay off.  If I did pick another Sonic level, I'm leaning towards Lava Reef.

I also added a funny thing to the Sonic maps...little powerup computers replicas.  One gives body armor, another gives a grenade, and another gives a TMP.  They flash an image of the item instead of a shield, rings, etc.  You just touch the comps and they explode.  Funny stuff ladies and gentlemen.

I still have secret maps coming your way.

Once again, see all my other CS maps here.

Outstanding New Super Mario Bros. Post

HEADS-UP: Due to the large amount of Google Image hits I got for the Koopalings pic, let me just specifically say I didn't make the pic nor didn't intend to receive so many hits for it....  Click here for the picture's original page (credit to nintendrawer on deivantArt).

EDITED TWICE

Oh ho ho, don't we have a treat for you, boys and girls.  Cause there's absolutely nothing Daytona or Sega-related for me to complain about, let's talk about Nintendo.  Ooo, I went there.  Let's have some fun (as if we hadn't had any yet).  I know this is completely out in left field but I DON'T CARE.

So this is my family's second Wii.  This one is hooked up to the main television.  My parents thought it would be nice to have another one.  Once the gimmick of playing Wii Bowling wore off, I was left with this copy of New Super Mario Bros. Wii which came as part of the Wii package but no one noticed but me.  It sat there in that little sleeve--not a normal game box.  Hmm, so this is interesting, I thought...

OMG!

So anyway, there's not much to say about it.  It came out in 2009.  It plays out like Super Mario Bros. 3--you get items, you walk around the world map beating levels.  You can ride Yoshi in a handful of levels--not many unfortunately...  You got this cheap-ass item in the form of "Helicopter Mario" who can fly like an eagle...makes beating levels much easier, like the P-Wing from Mario 3.

Official Site In Case You're Even Slightly Interested 

One difference is that the controls were rather different from the old Mario NES games.  In SMB1-3, you could zip around, catch some major air, etc. but in this one, Mario's much slower.  To compensate, you can do the ground pound and the wall kick (see Super Mario 64) which comes in handy.

So you can play up to 4 players simultaneously.  Oh Good Lord, it's bad enough with two.  So me and my brother were playing a while back and we went up to World 3, took the warp zone to World 6, and beat the rest of the game from there.  We just kept pushing each other off the cliffs.  He would run ahead and you've have to keep up or you'd be left behind to die.  As long as one player is alive, the dead player comes back in a "bubble" and you can keep playing like normal, kind of like in Halo how you wait for your teammate to be revived before you go on.

To compare, me and my brother spent 7 continues to beat the game.  On the other hand, I sat down from start to finish in 1-player and beat the game (no warp zones) in about five hours with 70+ lives spare.  I think the game's too damn generous, but if it were any harder than multiplayer would be impossible.

To increase the replay value of the game, you can go back to any level and collect three big coins per level to unlock stuff, but it's not like it's necessary...once you beat it, I don't know what else to do.  Try speedrunning I guess?

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And there's another part of the game that intrigued me.  This is one of the few games that has the Koopalings in it.  In case you didn't know, these are Bowser's seven kids (who's the mother, I don't wanna know).  They're most well known for being the bosses at the end of each world you beat the crap out of (jump on their heads three times) in Super Mario 3/World and then you move on to the next level.  Eight worlds = seven Koopalings + Bowser.  That makes sense, especially consider NSMBWii (oh man) has "eight" worlds too.

Reference

Of course, Bowser Jr. pops up and he's the eighth Koopaling, apparently.  He also appears in NSMBWii as an intermediary boss among many other recent Mario games.  Nothing wrong with him, but lately, if Bowser needs dirty deeds done dirt cheap, he goes to Bowser Jr.  Not much of anything on the other seven Koopalings.  Like they were originally meant to be "palette swaps" or whatever so you didn't end up fighting the same boss every time.  However, over time they became seven personalities that Nintendo didn't give much face time which makes little sense.

Maybe they're trying to do like Sonic in that the more characters in the game means the worse that it is, but that is a topic for another day.  Although about that, Sonic Adventure 2 is considered the best 3-D game and that has 7 main Sonic characters in it.  Yeah, so more is worse.

Yes, I know the Koopalings were in Hotel Mario, Yoshi's Safari, Mario is Missing, etc. but those don't really count.  Interestingly, there's a lot of stuff on them in the SMB3 cartoon and the comics, but I'm surprised it means nothing today.  Cartoons and manga mean nothing when it comes to game canon.  Click here for MORE INFORMATION!!!

My favorite is Iggy Koopa.  For one, we are both incredibly smart, and you see this in my blog every day.  He's the only boss in NSMBWii to have a Chain Chomp.  Also, he's demented.  This guy's the man.  Kind of reminds me of myself...

I mean, I come on this blog, complain about Sega, Burnout, Fast and the Furious, etc.  Then I throw knives at and shoot targets based on said video games.  I then punch a hole in the wall.  In my idle time, I talk to myself often, making mundane conversation about what just happened five minutes ago.  Later, I play Rock Band or Call of Duty and use extreme profanity whenever I miss a note or die in the game.  When the day's over, I lie down in bed and cry myself to sleep listening to Daytona USA 2 music and other "sad" songs like Fleetwood Mac's Gypsy thinking about what has happened to Sega and gaming as we know it...  Plus, when you have songs like this and this on your Sansa Fuze MP3 player (cause I refuse to buy an iPod), you know there's something strange going on upstairs.

Reference 1, Reference 2, Reference 3,& Reference 4

Yes, we will all now get the Iggy Koopa hats, mugs, t-shirts, and "Celeryhead for Secretary of Homeland Security" buttons.  Oh, what do I mean by that?  Well you notice how Princess Peach has been kidnapped like 100,000,000 times already?  What the hell's going on?  This is a VIP for crying out loud, get some Secret Service agents here, some hired guns, something other than the Mario Bros who apparently can't be there for her 24/7 (and even when they are, they hardly do anything, they just sit there and watch her being carried away)!

 

Thankfully, they haven't killed her yet--she's been hanging in there with a will to live.  You also see how none of the Toads or Yoshis carry any guns so Bowser is basically able to take over the country at will.  So clearly, the Mushroom Kingdom has no idea how to defend itself.  Now, what about Mario, you say?  Well...:

1. If it weren't for Mario and the player's resilience an infinite lives/continues, then the Mushroom Kingdom has no chance.

2. It's better to prevent something from happening than to fix it afterwards...that's like saying it's better for us to absorb a terrorist attack than it is to prevent one...what a bunch of baloney.

So bribe Iggy (like a sports coach/player, recruit him with money, more face time, etc.) or SOMEBODY, bring in some tanks, artillery, fancy satellite dishes, battleships, carriers, fighter jets, bombers, SAM missiles, etc.  I mean, who better to bribe than the smartest of the Koopa kids?

Or if you want to go cheap, just slip the ruler of Mushroom Kingdom a copy of this friendly Nintendo product so they can learn about conventional warfare:

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I also like to check out what other Mario games are being made and I'm reading about all these onves I've never played, such as Paper Mario and Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story...  I mean, I understand Nintendo needs to diversify its games, but why are these all RPG's?  Not that RPG's are bad, but come on.  It's like Shigeru Miyamoto and his crew are sitting in the war room of an underground bunker, with recycled air whooshing and computers buzzing all around, deciding how to destroy Sega among other things...:

GUY: Sir!  All these kids are playing Final Fantasy!  They can't get enough of turn-based combat and deep storylines and Pokemon ain't cutting it!  What do we do now?

MIYAMOTO: Why don't we expand our portfolio by churning out a series of Mario RPG games!  Everyone loves Mario and everyone loves RPGs...it's a win-win for our side!  LET'S MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Let's take a look at the plot for such games...okay, let's try the recent Bowser's Inside Story.  The Toads are swelling up from some disease, this dude Fawful assumes mind control over Bowser who swallows Mario & Luigi whole, then Bowser runs around while Mario and Luigi are in his lower intestine and by then my head hit the table with a resounding thud.

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And one last thing because I can't take it anymore--this last pic was apparently made to swoon the fangirls, but it perfectly sums up my relationship with Nintendo.  Kiss my ass, Nintendo.  You know what--scratch that, Sega too.  Sega, you've done nothing but sit on your fat ass since OutRun 2 and even then you didn't do much beforehand besides the Dreamcast!  No wait--every video game in general, EVERY ONE OF YOU, for pissing me off with all this gore, violence, and other dreaded aspects that permeate through our culture!  You ruined my life!

Reference

If you actually played New Super Mario Bros. Wii, you know damn well what this is about.  I think I posted more than enough Iggy fan art before it borders the line of "awkward."  I'm through, goodbye, I wanna get out of here.

...


DISCLAIMER: In light of the 1/8/11 Tuscon shooting during the meeting of Arizona Representative Gabrielle Giffords, I didn't mean to appear insensitive to the shootings or portray myself as a serial killer in the works.  I don't punch holes in walls...  Please take this post with some sarcasm.