2013 Motorsports Recap! Part 2, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Hello boys and girls!  You know what time of the year it is...it's CHRISTMAS time which means more ass-kicking race car clips for you!!  Let's begin.


The All-Star Race is a side attraction to the circus show to the NASCAR, but at least they got one good thing going for it.  Qualifying for the All-Star Race is different than regular season races and is a little game of its own.  Each driver runs three laps and has to make one pit stop.  There's no speed limit on pit road so they ZOOM right on through!  See the Beginner course trick from Daytona USA.  Bitch please, I drive through pits to shave 1.5 seconds off my laps. Though in NASCAR, you have to stop in your pit lane, so yeah, there's that too.

Messing up your pit docks you time penalties so don't screw up.  Top three qualifiers get $50K, $10K, and $5K respectively to share between themselves and their pit crews.


In previous years preceding the All-Star Race was the Pit Crew Challenge.  Basically, pit crews raced against the clock to complete their respective tasks and push their car across the finish line first.  It's a clever little ruse and pit lane choices for the All-Star Race are determined by the results of the Pit Crew Challenge.  But they didn't hold the event in 2013 for some reason so...yeah, disappointing.

These pit crew guys are athletes too, you're a fool to think otherwise.


Anyway, speaking of pit stops...here's Indy Car again.  This was at Sonoma, the 15th race of the season (out of 18).  In the thick of the championship hunt, Scott Dixon (red car) and Will Power (black car) pitted late in the race.  One of Power's crew members was walking with a tire and Dixon clipped him as he drove out.  Fortunately he wasn't hurt but Indycar penalized Dixon a pit drive-thru.

Dixon dropped from first to 15th and Power laughed his ass of as he won the race.  There was debate that the pit member deliberately stuck the tire out in order to hinder his rival.  It could've been an accident because the Indycar pit lanes differ from the lines on the pavement.  Regardless, hitting other pit crews is a black & white issue so there was no room for Dixon to debate.  There was some controversy but regardless, Dixon won the Championship and Power came in 4th overall.  Serves them right.


Back to NASCAR funny antics!  Here's Max Papis and he likes slapping people.  After the Nationwide race at Road America, he pays a little favor to his rival Billy Johnson, while walking away with that shit-eating grin.

And Max Slapis would later get his at a Craftsman Truck Race at Circuit Gilles Villeneue in Montreal.  After getting involved in a late-race wreck, a crazy lady (girlfriend of the driver of the #6 car, Mike Skeen) bitch-slapped him in the face on camera (it's at the end of the video).

Max claimed his jaw was dislocated and his ears rung after that hit.  If so, well, I smell a lawsuit!  No idea what came of it...


More fighting in NASCAR??  NO WAY!!  Rednecks gonna redneck.  BUT FIRST...Le Mans 24 (or "Luh Mah").  Drunken louts mumble and moon the camera.  THIS IS FRANCE, THE CULTURAL CENTER OF THE WORLD, WE DON'T DO SHITE LIKE THIS, RIGHT????

Back to NASCAR, basically Joey Logano is the Grim Reaper.  Well, what do I mean.  Joey gets in a fight with Denny Hamlin after a race at Bristol.  Denny would later get injured at Fontana and sit out for six weeks.

Who's next?  Tony Stewart goes redneck on Joey.  Whoops, Tony gets hurt in a dirt race in Iowa.

And Ryan Newman ALMOST came to blows with Joey but held back.  Good for Ryan!  Cause nobody f**ks with Joey.


Ya wanna see more fighting?  Let's get back to Danica Patrick.  Kyle Petty, "Danica Patrick is not a racecar driver!"  Instant classic, although I wouldn't say Kyle is that much better than Danica.  Only eight Cup Series wins in 30 years of NASCAR.  Ooooo, burned, Kyle!!!  Give Danica a couple more years and a non-shitty race team and she'll whoop your old man ass.  Okay, maybe not, but he makes a good point.  Danica has been in more than her fair share of commercials (plus one Sega racer) and doesn't have much to back it up besides a pair of tits.

But Danica is still not immune!  Here comes Jay Mohr at the NASCAR awards banquet--wait, that ass clown that read jokes off the sheet of paper at Blizzcon??  Yes indeed.  Danica and her new BF Ricky Stenhouse Jr. are not amused.  Seriously, can someone who is NOT an idiot criticize Danica for once?

Oh hey, one more clip.  This is between truck drivers Kevin Harvick (#14) and the "spoiled rich kid" Ty Dillon (#3).  Dillon clips Harvick and they both take a dive.  Harvick pulls up to Dillon's pit stop and gets a sledgehammer tossed at his car.  Last time I checked, getting hit by a tossed sledgehammer can be rather painful.  Whose the wise-ass who threw it?  It's at the end of the clip BTW.

And some more funny/cool shite:

*Brad Keselowski goes for a leisurely jog.
*Tony Stewart REDNECKS at the new cool Kyle Busch.
*Carl Edwards gets paper on his grille and gets in a fight with Greg Biffle when needing to use Greg's bumper as a toothbrush (the story sucks, I apologize).
*Brutal last-lap wreck at Talladega truck race.
*Greg Biffle's pink bumper peels off during the caution and channels his inner Mister Mayhem.

*I become a Kurt Busch fan because he drives the Wonder Bread and City Chevrolet cars in Sprint Cup and Nationwide respectively.  Mad props to him.  Kurt ballin on your chin.

*Donovan McNabb says NASCAR drivers are not athletes.  You know what, Donny boy?  You're a washed up QB like Jake Delhomme and Rex Grossman who bummed your to Superbowl losses against superior teams with superior QB's.  Definition of sport: "An activity involving physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against another or others for entertainment."   Driving fast cars for 3+ hours requires a lot of stamina (and is very frustrating).  Otherwise, everybody would be doing it.  Besides, ESPN airs Poker and Spelling Bee championships and can those be called sports??  GET OUTTA HERE...

*Jimmie Johnson wins his sixth title.  Real shocker there.  Matt Kenseth almost had him but had to choke down the final stretch.  The fans on social media were raged at Jimmie's win because he's a "cheater" and he doesn't deserve it.  Unlike other NASCAR legends like Dale Earnhardt and Richard Petty, Jimmie didn't build his own team from scratch--he basically inherited Hendrick's birthright.  But regardless, kudos to him since to win that many titles when everyone hates your guts is definitely admirable.

*Also, F1.  You thought Jimmie was ruining his sport.  Well, how about Sebastian Vettel, German driver of the Red Bull team?  He won the last 9 races of the 2013 F1 season.  Yes, NINE WINS IN A ROW.  He also won the last four championships in a row.  Now F1 is talking of adding more double points races in order to level the playing field to give trailing drivers a chance to catch up to runaways like Sebastian.  Just like NASCAR instituting the Chase in response to Jimmie's domination (read my thoughts on the Chase here).  Parity, what's that?  Lol...

I pick my nose after every race.

*RIP Jason Leffler.  RIP Allan Simonsen.  RIP Paul Walker.  Fast cars are still not safe.  It makes me sad but they are to be admired for being true gearheads.  I already said my piece on deceased drivers after the Dan Wheldon crash.  Injuries and death keep happening but some would rather risk it than live a boring safe life so kudos man...kudos... ;_;

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! :D :D :D

Classy.

PART ONE RIGHT HERE.

2013 Motorsports Recap! Part One

Hello boys and girls!  It's been a while but don't fear, I come bringing good tidings of old motorsports of 2013!  I stockpiled clips of racing during the whole year to fill your warm fireplaces with joy in this abstinence of race cars this frigid winter.  Ok, let's get it on, I got a lot of catching up to do.

First we will we start with IndyCar.  No, not the Indy 500, but close to it.  This is the Firestone Indy Lights race held on May 24th, two days before the Indy 500.  It's like the Minor League of IndyCar.  But this race had one of the best finishes in history.  It must be watched.  You will never see four cars outside of NASCAR finish this close to each other in a long time.

Once you're done pissing yourself, it's time to move on to May 26th!  Alright, this is the 97th running of the Indianapolis 500, the greatest spectacle of motorsports.  You win the Indy 500, you are a legend among drivers regardless of your other feats as your name goes on that hefty trophy for all time.  Even if you aren't a full-time IndyCar driver, you can still participate for the glory of racing.

This year, the honor goes to a Mr. Tony Kanaan of Brazil.  It was arguably one of the best runnings of the Indy 500 of all time because there were a grand total of 64 lead changes (among 14 different leaders), which eclipsed the previous record of 34 set last year.  While it was exciting, the race ended under a yellow flag because Dario Franchitti wrecked with three laps to go.  Since IndyCar doesn't do Green-White-Checkered finishes like NASCAR (which means you run the 200 laps and no more than that), the race unenthusiastically ends with the cars puttering across the finish line.

There are implications to this.  Kanaan and his rivals, primarily Carlos Munoz and Ryan Hunter-Reay, were exchanging the lead every couple of laps so it was basically a crapshoot going into the final 5-10 laps.  This is because in IndyCar (and not NASCAR), there are rules against blocking faster cars more than once.  If a faster car is about to pass and you can't outrun him, you may only move to block him ONCE, afterwards you give him the right of way or else you're penalized.  Since the cars are so close, they were able to draft and pass each other continuously.  Therefore, had Franchitti not wrecked with three laps to go, Kanaan might've surrendered the lead to Munoz or Hunter-Reay and lost the race.  But no, Franchitti sealed his fate and thus will be receiving a Christmas card by a certain someone this year, I bet.

Vin Diesel's Brazilian cousin.

Now, this finish-under-caution wouldn't be such a downer except for the fact it has happened in the three of the last four Indy 500's with the odd man out actually involving a crash as well but no caution (J.R. Hildebrand's chokejob).  So basically it's "Wreckers or Checkers."  Can't blame 'em cause winning the Indy 500 is the highlight of your career.  But still, I kinda wish they had the GWC finishes like NASCAR does.

Later that day, there was the Coke 600 in Charlotte, the longest race of the NASCAR season.  And the commentators were dumping all over IndyCar for not implementing the GWC finish.  Okay, fine, they make a valid point.  But then they take a text message poll, "Which race is harder to win, the Indy 500 or the Coke 600?"  At that point, I think I shit myself.  Now, I love my NASCAR and can understand the 600 miles are so taxing, but the Indy 500 is the BIGGEST RACE IN THE WORLD and I think tacking on an extra 100 miles (in slower cars too) isn't enough to make it harder than the Indy 500, I'm sorry guys.

As for Formula 1, Monaco was boring and I was too sleepy to pay attention (it aired at 3 am in Florida).  All I remember is Pastor Maldonado being popped like a pimple.  Monaco is apparently too tight to be competitive anymore.

Now, back to NASCAR.  Because I love NASCAR even if it sucks.  A week before the Coke 600, NASCAR holds a mid-season All-Star Race.  It's worth zero season points but it has a million dollar prize for the winner.  It's a short race (90 laps, 135 miles) with four forced cautions to split up the monotony (why???).  It's balls-out racing and there's no teamwork here so cut your opponents off Mario-Kart style for the bookoo bucks!!

Listen to the cool-ass music.  Anyway, this year there were 22 drivers with 21 of them being selected by certain merits--having the most points in the season, winning at least one race, or winning the pre-race event beforehand (the pub all-star event against crappy slow cars who don't stand a chance).  Also, there's room for one additional driver who wins the "fan vote."  Take a wild guess who got into the race this year?  Huh?  From Jasper, Illinois, it's Danica Patrick.  She finished 20th.  And Jimmie Johnson finished first.  OF COURSE, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT???

Now, to dump on NASCAR some more, let's take a look at Tony Kanaan and Jimmie Johnson who won both their respective races.  Jimmie Johnson won $1,000,000.  Want to take a guess what Tony Kanaan won? $2,353,355, a 2014 Corvette Pace Car, and 2014 regular Corvette, and the most fabled race trophy in auto racing.

Go home NASCAR, you're drunk.

Oh boy...there's so many more videos left to show you so I'm going to call it a day for now and post the rest later!  I promise.  Cya tomorrow!

PART 2 RIGHT HERE.

NASCAR: The Reality TV Series

So this is the first time I've posted in a month so it'll be difficult but I'll try my best.

The NASCAR season has 10 races to go.  This is the "Chase."  Let me explain for those who don't know.  For the first 26 races of the season, drivers gain points and wins, like a regular race series.  Once the 26 races are over, the Top 12 drivers are entered into the Chase, where the points are reset and it becomes a brand new season over the last 10 races.  Drivers that fail to make the Chase still participate in the races but only the 12 Chase drivers can win the championship trophy.  So basically, if you want to win the Big Trophy at the end, you MUST make the Chase.

As you imagine, there's a couple of problems with this.  The first one is if you gain enough points to lock yourself in the Chase, those last couple of races become meaningless in terms of the Championship.  Look at Jimmie Johnson's record over the last 4 races--finished 40th, 36th, 28th, and 40th, very noobish, I figure Jimmie liked wrecking the car cause "YOLO, I'm in the Chase anyway."  Yeah, Jimmie has that baby girl but who cares, NASCAR trumps family.  The second one, which we can see on display now, is that racing teams will "game the system" to get their drivers enough points to make it to the Chase.  That is not to say this has never happened in motorsport but the nature of the Chase just acerbates the problem.

Richmond was the 26th race, a 3/4 mile oval.  Four drivers were on the bubble--Joey Logano (#22), Martin Truex Jr. (#56), Jeff Gordon (#24), and Ryan Newman (#39), and only two of the four could make the Chase.  A couple of things go down and here's what I got out of the flurry of news the last few days:

* Early in the race, Jeff Gordon struggles and goes a lap down.  Going a lap down is a death kneel for a driver's chances of winning.  Think about restarts as "rounding up" your lap progress so if you're on the lead lap when that happens, you gain a lot of ground (dropped a second behind the leader) that you don't get a lap down.   So stay on the lead lap as long as you can.  Hendrick Motorsports teammate Jimmie Johnson dings his car to draw a caution that helps Jeff get his s*** together and back on the lead lap.

* Brian Vickers is ordered to pit with a few laps to go to help his fellow Michael Waltrip Racing teammate, Martin Truex Jr., move up another spot.

* Joey Logano falters late into the race (about 20-25th place).  One position ahead of Logano is David Gilliliand (#38).  Penske Motorsports (Logano's team) bribes Front Row Racing (Gilliliand's team) to tell the Gilliliand to slow down and let Logano pass.

* But worst of all!  Late in the race, Ryan Newman is leading the race by a sizable margin.  If he wins, then he's in the Chase.  Michael Waltrip Racing, owner of Clint Bowyer (#15) and Martin Truex Jr.'s cars, is aware that Truex Jr. is in jeopardy of missing the Chase if Newman wins.  So Clint (who is a lock for the Chase) is ordered to spin out with 5 laps to go to help Truex Jr.  A caution comes out and on the restart, Newman loses his momentum and finishes 3rd.  It gives Truex Jr. just enough points to make the Chase.

"39's gonna win the race"

"Well that kinda sucks...5 more right here"

"Is your arm starting to hurt?"

"I bet it's hot in there, itch it"

"Oh yeah"

*le spin*

There's no real defense of what happened here.  Shoot, in the post race interview, if you stare away from the camera and say "Yeah, uhhmm, we had a bad tire..." you're lying.  And Clint continues to do television interviews denying any wrongdoing with team owner Michael Waltrip claims Clint really had poison ivy (who tells someone to really scratch their arm on the radio???).  He's not in court, he doesn't need to plead the 5th, he's already been slapped on the wrist, he might as well say "I cheated, I'm sorry" and just get on with it.  But no, he continues to shred any credibility he's had thus far.  If you're dug in a hole, most give up but a few keep digging their way to China.  Remember this is the same guy from a year ago who instigated a brawl with Jeff Gordon so I'm not surprised by Bowyer's actions.

Post-race, the initial result were Truex Jr. and Logano are in the Chase and Gordon and Newman are out.  However, the next day, NASCAR penalized Michael Waltrip Racing, deducting points from Bowyer, Truex Jr., and Vickers and suspending their pit chiefs.  The point loss was enough to replace Newman with Truex Jr. in the Chase.  And then, a few days later, after the Logano controversy comes to light and after Gordon's bitching, NASCAR puts Gordon in the chase too for a grand total of 13 Chase drivers, flagrantly tossing the rulebook out the window.  As of now, Logano or Gordon were not penalized for their mutinies.

The only thing more baffling is Michael Waltrip's dance routine.

EDIT: It gets better!  Today, NASCAR adds a new rule to the book that reaffirms COMMON SENSE SPORTS ETIQUETTE that we were taught by Herm Edwards years ago.

NASCAR requires its competitors to race at 100 percent of their ability with the goal of achieving their best possible finishing position in an event. Any competitor who takes action with the intent to artificially alter the finishing positions of the event or encourages, persuades or induces others to artificially alter the finishing position of the event shall be subject to a penalty from NASCAR. Such penalties may include but are limited to disqualification and/or loss of finishing points and/or fines and/or loss of points and/or suspension and/or probation to any and all members of the teams, including any beneficiaries of the prohibited actions.

Artificially altered' shall be defined as actions by any competitor that show or suggest that the competitor did not race at 100 percent of their ability for the purpose of changing finishing positions in the event at NASCAR's sole discretion.

Is this really necessary?  Are NASCAR drivers dicking around that much that they need to be told "you better try hard or else"?  Can't we just say "don't game the system" and call it a day?  Okay, so this 100% balls out thing is A BIG F'ING DEAL.  Get Rich Christensen on the phone.  He runs bracket drag races (which make no sense) and he can tell when you're not going all out, hence the name of his show PINKS: ALL OUT.  Some BS like "Jimmie Johnson ran a 32 sec lap at qualifying, now he's running 31.5 sec laps late in the race, he's clearly sandbagging, BLACK FLAG HIS ASS."

IF YOU DON'T GO ALL OUT, YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE HERE

NASCAR has no idea what they're doing.  Truex Jr. is the sacrificial lamb in this situation.  It's a shame because technically, he did nothing wrong, his teammates did.  Bowyer and Logano are still in the Chase, Truex isn't.  And after learning about Gordon's inclusion in the Chase, Truex Jr. objects to it.  Think about this--if Truex is punished by Bowyer's yellow flag, shouldn't Gordon be punished for Johnson's yellow flag too?  So basically, NASCAR is like a reality TV show that adds and changes flimsy rules as it goes on to create the drama it so desires.

I CALL BULLSHIT YOU GUYS

Besides, I'm getting tired of the Chase being called "NASCAR's playoffs" anyway.  In other sports, if you lose a playoff game (or series of games), you're eliminated from subsequent competition.  Players/teams are eliminated until one remains.  In NASCAR, this isn't the case since you can still participate in and win races even if you're mathematically eliminated from the Chase or aren't even in it in the first place.  Just get into the chase, get a car that can win mile/mile-and-a-half tracks and win the championship.  Besides, what are the odds these non-Chase drivers can win the Championship at that point in the Season?  Isn't the Chase useless except for resetting points and nullifying the progress made over the last 26 races?  It's absurd and I'm pretty sure most NASCAR diehards want it eliminated after 8 years of its institution.

Oh well, I'm a NASCAR fan but still, I have to shake my head at these guys anyway.  Tomorrow, we go Boogity Boogity Chase Racing again and it'll be brushed aside.  So anyway, that's it, and screw Alabama for yet another curb stomping of a SEC rival (Texas A&M).  Life sucks and I'm still unemployed but the SEGA flame never dies.

Beautiful Cinderella NASCAR Race!!! Very Inspirational!!!

If you didn't see the end of this Talladega race, you're a big dummy.

Congratulations!  Welcome to Victory Lane!  You made it!!

Just so you know, I helped that guy win.

Basically, teammates David Ragan (#34) and David Gilliand (#38), two of the Sprint Cup's "perennial losers," starting 11th/12th on the green-white-checkered finish, made a mad dash at the end of the Talladega race to finish 1st and 2nd respectively.  Unlike other cars, the two bump-drafted each other through the field.  I'm no David Ragan fan (who is anyway?) but I went NUTS when I saw him just slip into the lead and win.  Beautiful.  Especially teammate Gilliland, who had never won before, helping push his teammate across the line.  A very selfless deed...

Just for reference's sake, I decided to look up both Davids' records for the start of the 2013 season and let you know how poorly they had done up until Talladega, just to illustrate how amazing it was to see their 1-2 finish:

Track: Ragan's position - Gilliand's position (out of 43 cars)
Daytona: 35th - 38th
Phoenix: 38th - 37th
Las Vegas: 31st - 28th
Bristol: 21st - 24th
Fontana: 24th - 29th
Martinsville: 30th - 28th
Forth Worth: 26th - 32th
Kansas: 30th - 23rd
Richmond: 20th - 27th
Talladega: 1st - 2nd

To be fair, you look at Ragan in the #34 car last year and he fared very well at both Talladega races (7th and 4th) so you could tell that for this team, Talladega was their one bullet in the chamber...took a chance and won the race.  You'll probably lose next Sunday but savor this win as long as possible...

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is you take a look at someone like David Regan and Gilliland and you think "well, they can't accomplish anything, they have no chance."  Well they had a chance with 2 laps to go and they WON.  Don't quit, don't ever give up, don't let people tell you "you have no chance."  JUST WIN, DAMMIT!!!!  Winners never quit and quitters never win.  Ok, you get the idea so GOOD NIGHT, POTENTIAL WINNERS!!!

Fast Go-Karts In Orlando! About Damn Time...

Okay, it's Saturday and my dad is hanging out with me in Orlando over the weekend.  What is there to do in the big O on Saturday?  PLENTY OF THINGS LIKE GET STUCK IN TRAFFIC AND LOUSY TOURIST TRAPS!!!

So after eating some pizza, me and my dad decided to go check out some go-karts.  There's one place to go and that is the Fun Spot.  It's basically a mini amusement park with a hundred, thousand billboards going up and down International Drive.  It has a bunch of go-kart tracks, bumper boats, that scary-ass flinger ride, and an arcade.

Wooohoooooooooooooo.....

Whatever, so me and dad get stuck in traffic for an hour but we make it to the Fun Spot.  Obviously my main goal is to check out that big-ass arcade of theirs!

There's the Fun Spot. 

Omg, arcade.

I get there and frantically search both floors for a Sega racing game.  Aaaaand...there is none.  After spending an hour lamenting the inevitable death of yet ANOTHER arcade (no really, it's like being a WWII medic who has watched the tenth soldier die in front of him...like it just sucks ass to be completely helpless to the fact you can't save 'em), we decide to go out the go-karts.

The "Fun" Spot, rofl.

Okay, they're fine, they've got FOUR different tracks on the premises (with all but one being multi-level), but there's a catch.  They're just super-ass slow--like I could run faster than these things.  I'm guessing they went 10-15 mph.  The tracks were neat but me and dad just had a sudden realization...the 45+ mph go-kart tracks that we've been meaning to visit for AGES...

FAST GO-KARTS

ARE

BACK...

Indeed, so we go rummaging the Fun Spot's pamphlet bin and find NOTHING based on go-karts.  No kidding right, like why would the Fun Spot tell us to go ride any other go-karts besides these?  Quick, let's leave the cheap-ass Fun Spot and run up the road to the Super McDonald's, get a pamphlet there, and head out to the go-karts at last.

Track Panorama

This is the go-kart track in question--the Orlando Kart Center.  Now to get to this place, you had to drive super far away from Disney, Universal, or any tourist trap...  Basically up the highway, down a few backroads, and there you go--a go-kart track.  I was tempted to wear by Daytona hat but no, I left it in the car.  It was probably for the best because this place turned out to be an F1 car haven...flying Brazilian flags (Ayrton Senna) and painting everything with Italian flag stripes (Ferrari).  Surely I would've been booted out of the building because I didn't know how to turn right, or something.

Someone else's video of le track

Me and dad sign up for three 10-minute sessions, a grand total of 30 minutes driving.  You start by filling out a health-and-safety form (in other words, we could die and we can't sue them) as well as a "nickname" on a computer (mine was "Junior" cause of #88 and I'm Eric Junior after all).  Then you're given a balaclava (those socks that go over your head) and a helmet.  Oh snap, this is getting serious.  BUT THERE'S MORE--while waiting in the lobby, for our turn, there's a crowd of latino-looking men speaking to each other in Italian.  They had Ferrari t-shirts on.  They had nicknames on the screens like "Alberto," "Omar," "Rodrigo," and "Goias."  Shit just got real.

Eventually, we put on our helmets and went to our assigned go-karts.  Since there was no starting grid or rolling start, you basically compete against each other to get the fastest possible lap time.  Computers can save each of your lap times and display them on screens next to your nickname.  They also displayed your kart's RPMs so you can see who had the fastest karts (an outstanding feature).  But enough about stats cause we're racing.

The Mysterious Driver!!!

I'll fix this damn picture later.

I am KICKING ASS at this stuff.  Forget about the whole "lap time" business--I was gunning for everyone and made a ton of passes.  My expertise at nailing the racing lines really payed off.  Brake in, accel out.  Gotta be careful though because if you slam the brakes, you'll do a slide and those aren't pretty in real life.  After two or three laps, I finally got a feel for the thing.  I was stunned after the first 10-minute session to find out that "Junior" had finished with the fastest time.  Nobody said anything to me afterwards but I was feeling rather hot so I just stood in front of a fan sipping my McDonald's Root Beer.

Junior wins!!

Second session, the unfortunate news is that my kart was slower this time.  The brakes were also weaker but at least I was less fearful of spinning out.  Because guys were making steady progress on me (what else could I do?), I summoned up some sisu* and basically threw the kart into the corners, taking turns at full speed when before, I would've let off the gas a little.  I slipped and slided but I ended up finishing somewhere in the middle in terms of time.  Real bummer but I overachieved considering my kart's performance compared to the others.

Really, Google???  Is your Picasa photo uploading so stupid it won't submit the images with the right rotation???

Third session turned out to be the same thing but with a slightly better kart.  This is when fatigue really kicked in.  The problem this whole time was the damn balaclava and helmet were really obstructing me.  Being constricted like that, I breathed in hot air which made me suffocate a bit so I had to adjust the mask often.  Also, I lifted up the helmet visor because the scratched lens really pissed me off.  Too bad all the dirt particles flew into my eye and made me uncomfortable.  I also got bruises on my arm and sides from bouncing up and down on a plastic kart seat all this time.  But regardless of physical pain, I still pushed the kart to 110 percent.  I finished the last session in 2nd which was a good way to end the day.

I know where to hold my next cake day.

After that, me and dad went home.  Dad had motion sickness, I had bruises and dirty eyes.  But we drove over 45+ mph and it was a rewarding experience.  Compared to video games, you actually get a "feel" of how the car's moving so you can react differently and do a better job of sensing where the racing lines are.  That made me think of the potential I could use in real race-car driving as well as in video games where the "feel" of the car (sense of speed, momentum, center of gravity, etc) comes into play.  Anyway, Orlando Kart Center.  Better than the Fun Spot.  Laters...

* - Had these guys been Finnish instead of Italian, I would've been in a world of trouble. >_>

NASCAR Is Very Serious Business (Kurt Busch Sucks)

At last night's Sprint Cup race at Bristol, Tony Stewart was contesting for the lead when he got in a wreck with Matt Kenseth.  Afterwards, Tony gets furious and throws his helmet at Matt's car.  Tony went from leader to finishing 27th just like that.  EDIT: Replaced video cause some idiot took first one down.

Now that video makes Tony look like a fat old man.  Also, Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing Transformed spokeswoman Danica Patrick wrecked too (to nobody's surprise) late in the race (was still on the lead lap, amazing) and pointed at instigator Regan Smith as he drove by.  So it was old-school racing at its finest and everyone got angry.  Lol, you mad?

But Tony's helmet toss is not surprising.  Just for fun, here are clips of people getting mad and swearing for the camera.  Warning: PG-13 Language.

And then there's Kurt Busch who is in a league of his own.  You know about his younger brother Kyle who is an asshat, but he clearly learned everything from older brother Kurt.

You could fill an entire 90-minute special on Kurt's antics.  Oh wait, someone already has!!!  The first 50 minutes or so are about Kurt picking fights with practically every other NASCAR driver.  If you want to skip to the good stuff, I'd say go to 55 minutes and watch that.

Not a coincidence that Kurt was fired from Penske Racing in 2011.  He was picked up by Phoenix Racing in 2012 and his luck has turned for the worse (his car sucks).  Even worse, his #51 car is unsponsored since no one wants to be involved with such a troublemaker as him.  Guess what, Kurt?

Courtesy of lolracepics.com

Speaking of arguments between drivers about who instigated a wreck and who's the dirty driver and so forth (the kind that would result in fights over Forza, iRacing, etc.) , NASCAR seldom penalizes drivers in these situations unless it's blatantly obvious/reckless on a certain driver's part.  Otherwise, it comes down to vigilante justice.  If a fellow driver treats you with courtesy & makes clean passes, you return the favor.  If he rubs elbows with you, then you rub him back.  You can type "X gets pissed at Y" in YouTube for anyone and see how these rivalries occur.  What goes around comes around--since Kurt was hated by every other NASCAR driver at some point, he is basically abused by everyone in return.

------------

I will go ahead and say this: I think auto racing, both in real life and in video games, is probably the most anger-inducing of all sporting events.  Racing?  As opposed to something more violent like football or Call of Duty?  Seriously, I've heard things on Forza that make Call of Duty kids seem pious.  Ignoring the little Xbox Live kids who curse up a storm because they're too immature to be playing games anyway, let me explain why.  There are three factors:

1. You're on your own.

There's two types of competitive sports/games--teams and solo games.  Team games include soccer, football, basketball, baseball, hockey, Call of Duty/FPSes in general.  Solo games include golf, tennis, auto racing IRL and in games, fighting games, chess & poker (I suppose they count).  Yeah, sure, auto racing is a team effort--you have crews and fellow drivers assisting you, but in the end one person raises that trophy and that's you.

The good thing about being on a team is that you usually have fallback options.  If you're doing poorly--either you make one or two bad plays or need to be benched from the game altogether, at least you have your teammates to pick up the slack and hopefully make a few great plays, guide the team to victory, and make up for your mediocrity.  Sure, it sucks for you but at least you still "won."

However, in solo sports, it's all up to you.  If you play poorly and/or lose, there's really no one to blame other than yourself.  If you're having a bad day or are embarrassed, there's no evading it.  You need to keep your composure and finish the entire length of the event, take the loss, and face the music, knowing "I coulda/shoulda/woulda done better but I didn't and I lost, shame on me."  Yet some can't come to grips with losing which is why we kick and scream when that happens.

2. All it takes is one mistake to ruin the race.

Thinking about other games like football, soccer, Call of Duty, even solo sports like tennis & golf, etc., if you make a few terrible plays, such as a turnover or you die a few times, it's not the end of the game.  You can still catch up.  If the other team wins a few rounds/sets/holes and there's still some time left to play, at least you can outplay them later and make it an even game.

However, in racing, all it really takes is one or two miscues and you wreck and are set VERY FAR back.  Well, it depends on the game--in Mario Kart, crashes are expected to happen but in racing "sims," the penalty is much more severe.  It's so easy to just graze the other person's car and you're both flying.  Hopefully, it's a very light wreck and you're only set back about 10-15 seconds or so (Forza) and you can make the comeback assuming you race your ass off and/or the people in front of you screw up too.

But that doesn't take damage into consideration.  If that wreck dings your bumper, congratulations--your aerodynamics are shot which slows you down and makes it even more difficult to win.  Even worse, the engine/transmission could be shot which means you have to putter around the track at half-speed just to come in second to last as opposed to dead last in order to garner a few more points for the standings.  No worse feeling than that.

Now Forza is bad.  Playing with sim settings is awful once you hit the wall and dread trying to finish, but at least you can start a new race a few minutes later.  So think of it from a NASCAR driver's standpoint.  Each week you travel across the country to a new track.  You take the car out for numerous practice sessions, tune the thing over and over and over and over again to make sure it's just right.  Then you race.  Halfway through the race, the car spins out and smashes to pieces.  That's some hundreds of thousands of dollars of equipment GONE in seconds and it probably wasn't your fault.  Plus that entire week was in vain as you finish in the bottom third of the standings and have to do it all over again next week and hope the results are better.  That's just aggravating to think about--I would be cursing too if that happened.

3. Driving is a strenuous ordeal.

Even though sports on a high level, such as football, soccer, baseball, basketball, etc. require extreme fitness, at the very least you get breaks.  You can stop for Gatorade, you can call timeouts, sit on the bench, halftime, hit the showers, etc.  Yet in auto racing, that seldom ever happens.  The race begins and it lasts for some 3-4 hours.  Yes, there's yellow flags (and the rare red flag) which means you're not exerting yourself nonstop.  But to sit in that confined car in that racing suit & helmet of yours and experience those G-forces for that period of time is tough.  BTW, did we mention the possibility of unexpected wrecks, wild rides, injury, death???

As an aside: I still fail to believe some of the things in this video, like the 13 pounds of water weight (I imagine they would be unconscious if they were in a 130-F oven being tossed around for 4 hours without a drop of water) but SportsScience tends to paint athletes as these gladiators who are able to ascends to the heavens and wrestle the gods while us plebians need help to even get up out of bed and use the bathroom cause we're so weak (or something).  But you get the idea, racing is tough.

I suppose this also applies to video games to a much lesser extent (well duh).  There's no pauses in the action--the entire game is nonstop "keep moving."  And that can be tough since the goal is always to move forward--you can't slow down for anything (i.e. "let's regroup" in FPS games and stuff) and hence your mind is always racing, trying to keep the car in equilibrium while simultaneously taking additional factors into play like other drivers trying to cut you off and so forth.  Just something to think about.

------------

Now you know why NASCAR is so hard and why drivers like Kurt Busch get hot under the collar--CAUSE IT'S TOUGH BUSINESS.

BTW, I didn't know this happened at the Daytona 500, hilarious:

How To Save G4 Television (Not Really)

This is on the heels of Adam Sessler's and Kevin Periera's departures from the so-called-titular gaming cable channel known as G4.  The 4 G's stand for Games, Gear, Gadgets and Gigabytes, BTW.

Now, I don't watch G4.  Used to watch it a bit years ago but now I stay the hell away.  I'm not even a TV person anymore.  I leave the TV on Speed Channel and listen to it as I work.  But I still have some pity on G4 since I'm a "gamer" and so is G4.

The main problem I have with G4 is that I always felt like it insulted my intelligence.  Whatever original programming that station has consists of a bunch of gloating airheads who use dumb catchphrases like "fus-do-rah" or "the cake is a lie" or "epic fail."  And they oogle over models at Comic-Con (yes, I'm talking about Olivia Munn and the "Olivia's Rack" segment).  And then they air reruns of Cops, Cheaters, and The Man Show.  Literally, I just checked G4's schedule for the next six hours and there's X-Play, Revenge of the Show, and 3 hours worth of Cops.  That's all you got???

I'm sorry, but I'm not a toolbag.  Not all of us are energy drink hopped-up nerds who sit around in our underwear playing World of Warcraft or Xbox Live 10 hours a day.  Gimme a break.  Even though I found Adam Sessler irritating in the past, at least the dude knew his stuff and brought some new ideas to the table.  He made you think a little.

 Yes, Adam, you may be a bastard, but at least you're a magnificent bastard.  Like me.

Browsing through sites like Kotaku, Reddit, and GameFAQs, I doubt I'm going to heavily invest in another "mainstream" gaming channel.  But these are some common sense ideas I'm going to throw out a Top 10, no, Top 14 list of ideas to help you guys out.  Since I know very little about what G4's airing these days, they may doing a few of these things anyway.  Here goes:

------------

1.  Ditch Cops, Cheaters, The Man Show, etc.  Literally, I just checked the channel's lineup for the next six hours and it was all Cops, all the time.  This is a gaming channel, not Spike TV.  Try to focus in on shows that have to do with  gaming and technology, not dudes running around with guns or women.  Also, no more juvenile jokes like "Revenge of the Kha'ak" from X-Play a few years ago.  Yes, this is real.  And yes, the "kha'ak" was blurred out.

 If I wanted to watch crap on TV, I'd sit through a To Catch A Predator marathon.  It's got cops, girls, and controversy...it's got it all.

 
2. Channel the old TechTV/early G4.  Bring back some decent shows like Icons.  Documentaries help!  We want shows that are both educational, fun, and not idiotic.  Even if the show is old, at least try to keep it interesting.  Like Angry Video Game Nerd--it's meant to be informative as well as entertaining in the long run.  But here's some an episode of Icons you should like:




Wow, Yu Suzuki on cable TV.  It's a miracle.


Holy cow, Yuji Naka's got some nice wheels (Lotus Elise).

3. There are three things that many websites/news channels focus on--News, Opinions, and Fan Stuff.  Focus on this.  There needs to be more "radio-esque" shows.  Have one or a roundtable of pundits report the news, take in some calls, give out some fan polls, make it feel like we're getting involved in the process.  Even if they dish out game reviews, allow some fans to offer a counter-opinion so the hosts don't develop this superiority complex.  Sites like GameSpot, Kotaku, and Joystiq get gamer feedback all the time--why can G4TV air some of their feedback too?

4. You can't cover ALL gaming with just one or two shows.  Gaming is such a BIG thing so you gotta break it down into many pieces.  How about some shows that are dedicated to specific aspects of gaming?  How about a show on FPSes.  Another on RTSes.  Another on MMO's.  Another on RPG's.  Another on sports games.  Another on--dare I say--racing games!  Throw out some news, a few reviews, get some fan involvement in there.  Also throw in some shows on gaming hardware, computers, new gadgets, etc.  Revenge of the Show doesn't count.  Air a new episode at least once a week, even if it's just for 30 minutes.  Get gamers of ALL interests involved.  Show 'em some love.

5. Channel some of the more successful online brands that have sprouted up recently.  Like Giant Bomb.  Or Machinima.  Or Mega64/Rooster Teeth.  They've put out some clever stuff.  There's a reason why people are browsing them more than your channel.  Like check out these YouTube vids--they're pretty interesting:

Warning: Bad language.

Dumbass kids on Xbox Live


Stuff about Black Ops

6. Gaming competition shows.  Holy cow--who would've thunk it?  Isn't gaming about competing against other people???  Get some MLG, EVO, or CPL coverage in here.  These events go on all the time.  Seriously, I have a friend at FIEA who watches Starcraft 2 competitive streams all day.  Or if the pro circuit is too heavy for you, make a casual gaming show like the old Button Mashing on GameSpot.

Button Mashing aired back in GameSpot's Jeff Gerstmann/Alex Navarro days (before Giant Bomb).  Basically, three people near the GameSpot offices came in for three rounds of competition.  First round--go through three console games and accomplish menial tasks like "kill 2 guys on Mega Man" or "get in a car in Grand Theft Auto" as quick as possible.  Fastest 2 players go to the next round where they try to identify a bunch of games from a bunch of spliced game clips.  The player with more correct answers goes to the final round where they challenge one of three GameSpot editors at their favorite game (i.e. Tecmo Super Bowl, Guitar Hero, Street Fighter II).  Beat the editor and you win some GameSpot swag.  Lose and you go home with just the GameSpot t-shirt.  Still a fun, simple idea that wouldn't take much effort to produce.



EDIT: There was once an old G4TV show called "Arena" which featured LAN events between teams of gamers.  It aired from '02 to '04.  Don't know why they canned it but that's G4 for you.  Making room for more Cops reruns.

7. Do your convention event/interview footage.  Like E3, Comic-Com, Blizz-Con, GDC, whatever.  But be rational report the news.  Talk with big shots like Gabe Newell or Cliff Bleszinski.  EDIT: Try to get interviews with Japanese guys too--yes, do the translator interviews with guys like Miyamoto or Inafune.  Then you can gloat but don't act like nerds.  Seriously, if you didn't get the memo by now--act like men, not like geeks with the mentality "I am nerd, hear me roar."  Avoid phrases like "noob" or "epic fail."

8. Bring in a show that contains nothing but user-created & submitted content off of YouTube.  Like some Super Mario Bros. movies, a gaming speedrun, a Minecraft creation, or a funny glitch.  Just some cool stuff for us to watch.  But no YouTube Poops, just say no.

9. No more Bit Monkeys.  The concept is okay but the humor is so juvenile...guys calling each other douchebags and hitting each other in the head with bats.  A missed opportunity.  This coming from a guy who's a game programmer who longs for the games of the 80's/90's.

10. AND ESPECIALLY NO AWARDS SHOW LIKE THE SPIKE VGA'S.  HELL F***ING NO.  If you want to do an awards show, don't blow it out with a bunch of self-gloating celebrities and other talking heads.  You'll make gaming look bad.

11. Air the old Mario & Sonic Cartoons, but only at 1 am since they can be cringe-inducing for 20+ year olds to watch at times.  And air The Wizard or some other vidya game movie like Super Mario Bros, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, etc. once a month.  HA, scratch the movie part.



12. Follow these steps:

1. Make the Mass Effect cartoon a reality.
2. Get lots of viewers.
3. ???
4. PROFIT.



13. LAST DITCH EFFORT TO GET VIEWERS.  BREAK GLASS ONLY IN CASE OF EMERGENCY.  Air My Little Pony.  I'm not a Brony but it will help you guys out, I swear.  At least it's not The Man Show so I'll let it pass...reluctantly of course.

 That's some EPIC WIN right there.

14. The Golden Rule: What will non-gamers think of our channel?  Will they look at us like we're serious about games like any other everyday interest (cars, sports, food, travel, politics, etc.)?  Or will they look at us like a bunch of morons caught up on a massive nerd-gasm orgy of crappy memes, Comic-Con cosplayers, and Mountain Dew?  Think about it.

------------

That's the list, have fun and please don't "frag the messenger."  If you do all these things, Adam may come back and you may restore some sanity to gamer culture.  Now get working, G4, cause times are changin'.

NASCAR Drama: Tony Stewart Wins

Oh yes, NASCAR is a strange thing, even if you don't like watching it...

So today was the last race of the season at Homestead, FL.  Carl Edwards and Tony Stewart were the last two drivers who had a shot at winning the championship.  Whoever won the race won the whole thing.  The point difference between the two was that close.  Actually, the score was tied at the end of the race, but Tony won the tiebreaker purely because he won more races than Carl.  Spoiler Alert: Yes, Tony won the race.


6:30 is when it gets interesting.

In the final couple of laps, the Top 2 drivers were Carl Edwards and Tony Stewart.  Seriously, it was almost movie-esque that both drivers would rise to the occasion and completely smoke the rest of the crowd.  You figured at least one of them would run into bad luck or simply fall behind but no.  Actually, Tony had some back luck (some wreck debris hit his grill but did no serious damage) and fell back to around 30-ish position but he came back again and again.  The rest of the pack just parted like the Red Sea to allow these two to race.  It was a drag race to the finish for both of them.

There were two rain delays.  After the rain and a few caution flags 38 laps were all that remained.  Tony was in 1st, Carl was in 2nd.  And I swear, watching this live, you KNEW that Stewart was going to win.  The possibility of a spinout or mistake was completely out of the picture.  It was destiny.  He drove PERFECT laps.  He drove like a madman.  And so did Carl cause he was able to hang with him.  Tony had a one-second lead on Carl the entire 38 laps.  That lead never deviated from there.  Nothing could have stopped Tony outside of an Act of God or running out of gas on the final lap Dale Jr-style.  And all Carl could do was finish second.

I don't have a preference on who won or not.  It's great that Tony won his 3rd championship but damn, Carl really deserve a lot of credit for giving Tony a run for his money.  Seriously, if Tony didn't drive out of his mind, Carl would've won the championship, hands down.  He congratulated Tony after the race...ran up to Tony's car and gave him a handshake.  Took the loss like a champ.  He deserves credit for being the best loser in NASCAR history...well at least in the last few hours of history.  I'm not brimming with NASCAR knowledge here, please bear with me.

Tony Stewart & Carl Edwards.

And I also must say something about Jimmie Johnson.  He won the last FIVE championships.  Yes, FIVE IN A ROW.  An unprecedented streak.  But he missed his chance for a sixth.  You know he was bound to lose eventually.  Well, that's life.  You can't win them all.  It's nice to win as many as possible, but as long as you keep trying to win, you'll lose.  And thus is the harsh reality of competition but there is something to learn from losing.  Carl Edwards was a good sport about it and said it made him a mentally tougher person.

Heh, Tony SMOKED the Duck...funny joke.

Congrats to everybody (except for classless Kyle Busch, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU JUST LOST YOUR SPONSORS!)...sad there won't be any NASCAR until the new season in February.  The next Daytona 500!!!  Will Dale Jr. finally win a race next season???  Tune in to find out!!!

MLG And Evo Stuff (Professional Gaming)

EDITED twice, moved the NASCAR part to its own post

Oh man.  Get ready for more gaming conventions.  So yesterday, I was watching a Major League Gaming (in Anaheim) stream on some website.  They were playing Halo: Reach, CoD: Black Ops, and Starcraft 2.  Who won?  Well, I don't know.  Also, at the same time, there was this Evo tournament thing (in Las Vegas).  They were playing Marvel vs. Capcom 3 (with no Megaman) and Street Fighter 4.  Thank God there was no Smash Bros. or I would have snapped.  BTW, there was some dude from Saudi Arabia who came in 2nd place in SF4 and that's boss.


OMG Koreans playing Starcraft, we're not worthy!!!


I have no idea what's going on here.

So I watched and I guess it was kind of cool.  No I didn't absolutely abhor it like pretty much everything else.  Well, everyone playing CoD ran around with the Famas Red Dot (very rarely an AK74 or G11)/Lightweight/Sleight of Hand which was kind of stupid but they were playing under special rules.  There were about 80,000 people watching both streams plus those watching on Spike/G4 and in the actual convention center.

Man, I tell you I get a little jealous of those guys.  Nothing like struggling to keep a 1.0 KDR on Black Ops (not me, some other people), then seeing these guys put on a show.  That's a real morale boost there.  Don't worry kids--just play enough Halo/CoD and someday, you'll make $30,000 a year playing video games!  Yeah, good luck.  Remember, changing your XBL Gamerpic to a MLG logo will increase your skills by 1000%.

But in the end, you still gotta go back to real life--working hard, taking care of business, keeping the world going around.  I don't even remember who won.  Also MLG/Evo will never air on ESPN while professional poker will.  Hell, even 1st and 10 gets aired over video games so QQ moar nerds.

I have to watch Skip Bayless over MLG.

Another thing I noticed was the advertisements.  Now Dr. Pepper is synonymous with gamers--when did this happen?  What happened to Mountain Dew--no one likes that anymore?  Dr. Pepper has a contest that will hook someone up with some gaming room with a l33t beast PC and sofa.  Great, I liked Dr. Pepper when no one cared now everyone likes it and makes me look like a bandwagoner.  Also, what's up with this NOS energy drink?  I don't drink energy drinks cause those are for World of Warcraft nerds who pull all-nighters with their "epic 30-man raids."  The only NOS I want is in my car, not in me.



-----------

Speaking of competitive gaming, there's also CPL: Cyberathlete Professional League.  Oh man, now that's old school.  They're still around although they may be merged with MLG or some crap like that.

Let's go back to Counter-Strike.  Not Source but 1.6.  The Greatest Game Ever Played.

Real men play CS.  I'd play more but my comp sucks, wait until I get a new one...


Now this is a LAN party.


HEATON, HAVE MY BABIES.

Call Of Duty: Going For Max Performance

Oh boy.  About Black Ops, I've taken a break from that recently.  Got back into Rock Band 3 Pro Keys which I'm ever so slightly improving on.  I figure you can play a game where you make war or one where you make music...  Also got in some shots of Sega racers for good measure.

But I can't go cold turkey on Black Ops.  It's tough to say it, but you never back down from competition.  Remember when were kids and we had to play little league baseball, basketball, football, soccer, etc.?  Well, nowadays, you have to play Call of Duty (or some sort of "competitive" equivalent).  That's just the way it is.  It builds character...er, for some people anyway.

I did realize something that I never got around to mentioning before.  I moved my Xbox 360 to another TV and hooked up Rock Band.  Now if you are a rhythm-gaming regular, you realize that every TV has a different amount of audio and visual lag which you must calibrate or the notes will not be in sync and you'll mess up.  So the Rock Band Stratocaster Guitar has a little device that auto-calibrates your RB3 game just by facing the thing towards the TV and responding to the chimes & flashing screen.

This TV I was playing on had 60 milliseconds (ms) audio lag and 80 ms visual lag.  On the other hand, my other TV had zero audio lag and 40 ms visual lag.  Let me describe what I'm getting at here.  There's a certain amount of time between which the game acts and when you get to respond.  This is normally referred to as "lag" but it goes much further than just internet connections.  Here's what happens during a regular online game:

1. The host server transmits a signal over the Internet to your console.
2. Your console displays the picture on the TV screen.
3. Your eyes detect the image on the screen and your brain & fingers react accordingly.
4. The controller sends the input back to the console which sends it back to the host.

You might say "durhur Eric, we know that," but think about this for a second.  The time it takes for this whole sequence to go through is usually around 300 to 600 milliseconds.  You want to be able to process that information as quickly as possible.  Having a better "setup" than the other guy can give you a 100-200 ms advantage over the other player.  In "twitch" games like Call of Duty (hell, every game has some sort of reaction time, DEAL WITH IT), you can win or lose by the blink of an eye.  Getting shot even once can throw off your aim and make it nearly impossible to respond to the draw.

Now what you can do to decrease this reaction time and become a "better player"...

1. Get a better Internet connection.  Find hosts that are super-close.  If you have to play with a laggy  host, then just bite your tongue and live with it.  Keep in mind that in CoD, 4 bars means 0-99 ms latency, 3 bars means 100-199 ms, 2 bars means 200-299 ms, and 1 bar means 300+ ms.  Even with 4 bars, you may be getting screwed since your latency may be in the 80-90 ms-ish range.  If your ping keeps altering between 3 and 4 bars or worse, odds are you're not looking too good.  Find a different game if you must.  Also, try using a wired connection rather than a wireless one, maybe that'll help a bit.  And if someone's in the other room plugged into the internet and sapping your resources, go kick him out.

2. Get a faster TV.  I know jack about TVs other than, from my experience, the bigger TVs usually lag more (up to 100 ms?).  Now I don't have any direct way to test a TV's visual lag outside of Rock Band but here's something you can do.  Plug the console in a TV, then push the joystick to look left and right.  Try to detect the delay in which the TV "shows" that you are moving.  Try out low-res (yellow-white-red) cables instead of hi-res (red-blue-green-red-white) if you're really that picky (although the lower graphics may have an adverse effect on your visual detection).  I know the TV can be a big f'n deal since I've played Team Fortress 2 on XBL (Orange Box) on this big-ass TV and the video lag really hindered my performance...

3. According to this site, the average human reaction time is 215 ms and that's just on that "click the mouse when the box turns green" game.  You can train yourself to be a faster player, but since I'm not into this yoga crap or whatever, I say the following quickie tips will help.  Play when you're awake and thus most prepared to react.  Alter the brightness/contrast of the TV so that you can most quickly pick up on any threats--a dark TV with lots of glare gives you no favors.  Wear contacts, glasses, or anything to help improve your vision.  Play with a higher sensitivity and try to develop an opposable thumb that can nudge the stick with the slightest precision (this is easier said than done though and may actually hurt in the long run...find the best sensitivity for you).  By learning the ins and outs of the game, you should get "smarter" and hone in on when enemies may actually appear rather than float around the map reacting to stimuli without any awareness skills.

4. I say use a wired controller over a wireless one.  While in theory, both controllers may be equally the same, the wireless controller will start to lag once the batteries run out.  I like the way the wired controller handles--it's lighter and has less stiff joysticks.

While even the slightest boost in performance may seem petty, it's worth it if you're going to be a "try-hard" on Call of Duty (or any competitive game, really).  Although the following can't (totally) make up for good old-fashioned strategy and finger dexterity.  Either that or sit in the corner with your Ghost/Silenced Famas class and you automatically win.

------------

Now I already referenced Jim Mora in the previous CoD post.  Jim Mora was an old NFL coach for the New Orleans Saints (my team) and the Indianapolis Colts, famous for his "Playoffs?" rant.  He dealt with much adversity and wore it as a chip on his shoulder.  Dude was nuts (I love it).  A lot of what he said is applicable to Black Ops.


You jerk off against ANYBODY no matter how good they are, you deserve to lose.  Don't be afraid to kick your own ass after you lose.


Coulda woulda shoulda...  EDIT: Yeah sure, you can say, "all that BS was unfair," but that just doesn't happen to good players.  We ain't better than them, we're gonna work our ass off to get better, deal with it, go home and be a family man...


S-WORD LOOK OUT.  I may look happy but I was really pissed.  You weren't here in my house to hear the obscenities so you don't know.


Greatest time of my life.  Sugar coat anything that sucked.


You Will Never Know...you'll never know the anguish I can go through.  You think you know, but you don't know, and you never will.  So why do I even bother talking about this on my blog?


What happens on bad CoD days...cry and say you want to come back.

Or I got a better idea--how about I stop playing this effing game and never look back.  That's a great idea, I'll get back to you on that...

Just for the lulz, read my "how to get better at FPSes" guide from November 2010.