Zynga Sucks

I'm pretty sure everybody threw up in their mouths a bit after seeing The Ville trailer.  And just when you think Zynga got away with copying The Sims...  Warning: PG-13 Language.

I do not condone profanity but I guarantee that EA's response was equally as harsh.  And it was so EA sued Zynga.

I know that this has been reported in many places so you think "zynga sucks, ea sued them, haw haw," you really need to skim over this complaint that EA wrote.  It rather lengthy and some of it is repeating what you know (i.e. description of The Sims for the idiots who think video games are a waste of time (and they're right) ) but it lays into pretty much every transgression Zynga has made.  Mafia Wars, FarmVille, CityVille, Dream Heights, The Ville with plenty of pictures...  Hey, that's GOLDEN blog post material there so props where it's due.  I mean this is good s*** we're talkin about.  Really.



"As The Sims Social increased in popularity and visibility, Zynga turned to its well-known competitive playbook: "Steal someone else’s game. Change its name," then cross-promote the Zynga clone to its extensive user base. It has been widely reported that much of Zynga’s current position in the online social gaming market is not the result of creative development and innovation, but rather has been achieved through cloning rivals’ games."

Good riddance.   EA did one thing right out of what...a million things?  How often does a big game publisher sue another big game publisher?  Well EA declared war--it's go-time baby.

Comparing Battlefield to any Zynga game, oh yeah that's fair. 

I can't say I'm surprised by this.  Recently, Zynga sued another company for using the "Ville" in one of its game titles.  Oh, and then there's this--Kotaku recently posted an interview with Zynga dude John Schappert who, by complete coincidence I bet, worked in senior positions at EA and Microsoft.  Traitor to the MOTHERLAND!!!  Then the interview is loaded with cotton ball questions...nothing truly vexing.  And the comments sections are loaded with all sorts of (thoughtful) vitriol and I think...damn, Zynga vs. EA for the Worst Company in America Contest!!!  Bank of America, pssshhh.

EDIT: This is also from the Zynga interview: "And then he says this about the question of how one would make Nintendo's famous game free-to-play: "It's a horrible admission, but I don't know that game, Super Mario Bros, well enough to sit down and off the top of my head say what would I do…""  Anyone not surprised that these corporate big wigs don't know about Super Mario Bros?  They know how to make money but not how to make GAMES?  Figures...  EDIT AGAIN: Hey guess what guys?  This John Schappert bloke just resigned today.  After giving such a great, GREAT interview about how wonderful Zynga is???  Rage quitter.  Go work for Activision, an equally pathetic "gaming" corporation.

But really, I could care less how this turns out.  Without slandering social/mobile gaming in general (thinking about my job security), this whole new frontier is such a mess, trying to gaming, social updates, microtransactions, and advertisements all in the same package and hence it ceases to hold my attention (and maybe yours, too).  EA has been pushing tons of social/mobile games too (75% of their games this year alone, as opposed to 25% console/PC games???).  So f*** it, I really don't care.  All I know is that EA's stocks are down, Zynga's stocks are down, and Sega is making a profit again.  Maybe there will be a heaping dose of humility too.  There is a shining light at the end of the tunnel.

BTW, I wonder if Super Sprint (now named Hyper Sprint) is just as bad in terms of law-breaking.  Hmm, it can't be because A. it's a non-profit game that actually acknowledges its source material and B. I don't go as far as to copy the whole game (including the RGB values of the cars).

Anyway, why the hell am I talking about Zynga again?  Anyone here care about Zynga?  EDIT: Zynga doesn't make racing games anyway so what do I care what happens to 'em.  I should say Zynga has had a recent impact here at FIEA.  First day of classes, there's free breakfast (donuts, bagels, orange juice, etc) compliments of Zynga.  Okay!  Then a couple of Zynga folks pass on through with the usual propaganda.  And Zynga even did interviews here too.  I didn't want to work for them not because I don't really like them or their games but because they're also located in San Francisco and I don't want to move to California unless it's for Sega (because of living expenses & distance from home).  Couple of people from school actually got internships (I like them just as much had they not received offers) although they were really hard on the programmers so I don't think any of them got offers.  I see how it is.

Speaking of programmers, I feel bad for those programmers at Zynga anyway being forced into the gunfire...making clones of existing games only to potentially have them stripped away due to lawsuits.  Poor people stuck working on this crap.  I mean, isn't the game industry about making games you love?  NO, it's not.  It's about making money.  Well, money's good but not at the cost of creativity.  And now you know why I'm so miserable.  F*** video games.  Later.

Steam Sales And Civilization 5, Oh Snap

Well kids, papa's in the house and he's bringing Steam games...  I recently bought Bang Bang Racing, Sonic Generations, Binary Domain, Renegade Ops, Counter-Strike Source, Garry's Mod, and...Civilization Five.  All of these cost me less than $15 except for Civ 5 which cost $30 for the GotY and Gods and Kings expansion but that's okay!  It's worth it.

I don't want to go into too much detail about Civilization but the premise is you control your own civilization from ancient times to the present as you build cities, discover new technologies, and ravage enemy forces.  The game's turn-based (like Advance Wars) as you play versus multiple civilizations at once (either AI or human players) and can either work together, isolate from each other, or obviously wage war.  No matter how you play, there can only be one "winner" thanks to multiple win conditions.  And since the world is randomized each time and fog covers all the unexplored parts of the map, it's interesting to see how each game folds out.

Here I am, I'm Egypt.  I never started war with anyone (peace through strength) but when the Incans and Arabians started getting testy, I whooped their asses and they backed off.  What "country" you pick really doesn't matter although each has their own few different units and abilities.  For instance, Egypt has chariot archers, Rome has centurions, Japan has samurais, USA has minutemen, etc.  Otherwise, many of the gameplay elements are practically the same between every player.

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All of a sudden, while playing this game, I came to the realization this game is a metaphor for real life.  Well, what do I mean?  Each "country" is its own person.  Technically, since all the things you see on the screen are aspects of yourself and are under your control, hence you yourself ARE your own civilization.  The goal is to better one's life through many improvements that you do in the game:

1. Expand, build farms, provide resources, create new cities, meet new people, glance into the unknown.
2. Discover science, accrue knowledge, learn new things, improve one's current situation.
3. Create culture, engage in the creative process, learn about music, art, other cultures, faith in God, happiness, etc.
4. Diplomacy, make friends, work together, pick and choose what you want others to know, etc.
5. Go to war, defend yourself, take what you want, compete with others.
6. Make lots and lots and lots of money.

Look at it this way.  In Civ, you can only spend so much energy each "turn" on certain things.  You can choose to pimp out one of the six things above.  If you invest heavily on expansion, then you sacrifice your military.  Or you build your military, then that's money wasted on expansion.  Or if you go science, your culture drops and you feel miserable.  Or you can go culture but fall behind in the tech wars.  You can spend a lot of money making friends or keep to yourself.  Either way, it makes you think "Did I just pick the right thing?"  This happens all the time in strategy games--you either win or fail by a few simple choices.

Think about this--what is your daily routine like?  What do you do and how does it help and/or hurt?  Like here's some examples:

1. Go to sleep, but for how long?  Is it worth staying up/sleeping late?
2. What do I eat?  Do I eat at home, do I go pick up something elsewhere, or do I seek out other people to go eat with?
3. What do I do at school?  Do I work on Super Sprint?  Battle Fortress Tortoise?  My regular homework?  Or do I do nothing?  What's the pros and cons of each?  How much work can I get done on any of these right now?
4. Who do I talk to at school?  What do I say?  What is my mood like?
5. Play a video game?  Well, what video game?  Play some Daytona USA?  Or some Rock Band?  Or some Counter-Strike?  Is it worth putting aside many hours on a game that may frustrate you more than anything?  Or am I playing games to get more insight on life or just to relax?
6. Watch TV?  What channel?  Or should I watch a movie instead?  Or should I not watch anything at all?
7. If I have to take a risk on something that has a chance of failure or not getting the returns I like (like learning a new skill, perhaps), how long should you stretch it out until you decide it's not worth it anymore and cut your losses?
8. You want a job, huh?  Well, where do you want to work out of your realistic options?  Or would you prefer not to work at all?  I'd like to think this has a HUGE impact on someone's life.
9. Obviously this is a big one too.  You want a girlfriend (or boyfriend)?  If so, then that's a whole new level of diplomacy there--that's war games we're talking about.
10. Should I update the blog?  What do I talk about?  How much effort do I put into it?  If not, should I read the game blogs and learn more about Sega and/or other game devs in general?  If I come to an engrossing yet long article, should I read some or all of it?  Or should I read random articles about crap just for the sake of learning trivial (but cool) things like this?

I'm fairly certain learning about rubber ducks in the ocean will benefit me some day.

Now I'm overthinking things because most of us wing these things every day.  "Oh, I'll do whatever is most urgent at the time--I've done fine on autopilot, etc."  But it makes sense to me especially with this grad school I'm at.  The new year begins as people flood into the building, many of whom have never lived in this town nor met each other in person.  It's an near-enclosed environment so you're basically working with the same 60+ people all the time.

Now you're one of those students.  You look around, try to meet whoever you can, but you know those people best whom are the closest to you, usually through coincidence (you're put in desks near each other or you're working on the same team).  So you form bonds based on these things you know and have to pick and choose based on their personalities (outgoing or shy, friendly or mean) & interests (what's his/her goal?  to learn a lot, to make great games, to make money, to show off to other people, etc.)  All the mean time you have to manage your life in and out of school (i.e. doing homework, paying the bills, learning about the town and how to live, etc.).

The Sims is kind of a joke compared to real life.  The Sims is a single-play sandbox game in that you can just piss around and do whatever you want--there's no end or "win condition" to the game.  But Civilization is multiplayer and it's about working around other people to progress one's set of goals.  Although there is no "victory" condition is real life, eventually the close group of people you worked with before will swap out as you're dealt another game with all new different people.  The game of Civilization never ends.  And you may not win but maybe, just maybe, you can "lose" the least.

EDIT: The reason I make this post, as stupid as it seems, is because there's a lot of things I've done that were poor decisions in the long run that I've made among colleagues of mine.  And Civ 5 reminds me of that.  So be careful how you manage your time & resources.

You know, while Civilization was interesting, I'm going to take a break from it for a while.  Two main reasons: the games can be TOO long (to go from 4000 BC to 2000 AD can take about 6-8 hours, even on the fastest settings) and at times the game can get stagnant (not expanding, not moving armies around, waiting as you move up the tech tree as money automatically flows in).  Therefore, I plan on moving to other games for the moment, finishing my duties (including Super Hyper Sprint) and actually putting my time to use.  Hopefully you will do the same.  The Daytona pics are overdue.  Later.

How To Be A Race Car Driver (According To The Sims)

Ok, I'm fairly certain that everyone's heard of The Sims, the 2000 Maxis/evil Electronic Arts "classic."  I found this game fascinating many years ago but then it hit me like a pile of bricks that this game is awfully redundant and that I should stop and never play it again.  Barely dabbled in the Sims 2 and haven't touched Sims 3.  I'm a SimCity guy anyway but EA put the kibosh on that so let's never mention Maxis ever again after this post.

If you don't know about The Sims, you can get jobs in one of twenty career tracks (10 in original Sims, 5 in Livin' Large expansion, 5 in Unleashed expansion).  Tracks include typical stuff Business, Law Enforcement, Entertainment, Politics, Science, etc.  Each track consists of a ladder of ten jobs increasing in income with each level.  To get promoted, you have to improve your Sims' talents (charisma, body, logic, creativity, mechanical, and cooking), make family friends, and go to work in a good mood.  If you keep at it, you'll make it to the top level of your career track and become a bazillionaire, or something.

Though it sounds cool on paper, your job description hardly has anything to do with the gameplay.  A carpool shows up every day at a specific time to take your Sim to work.  You never see him again until the carpool brings him back.  So you can be something badass like a "major league athlete" or a "criminal mastermind" but you never get to see any of the action.  Only thing that differs is the job hours, the wage, the job uniform, and the car that picks you up (ranging from junker cars to limos).

Only time you see a damn car in this game.

Anyway, it's worth mentioning there's a job out there called the "Grand Prix Driver" which sounds right up our alley!  But to get to that job, you must jump through a bunch of hoops in the Xtreme Career Track.  Here are all the jobs you must accomplish before becoming the next Michael Schumacher or Mario Andretti:

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1. Daredevil (§175)
You've turned a bar bet into the foundation of an extreme career.  In short, you'll try anything, the crazier, the better.  Swim under the surface of a frozen lake, leap between rooftops with a bicycle, beat a train to a crossing, juggle a chainsaw while whistling "Dixie."  Your workday is short, but intense.

Holy mackerel, Batman, you're a Joe Schmoe looking through the newspaper and they need people to do dumbass stunts (for Dumbest Stuff on Wheels, apparently)?  And you don't need any skills, training, or experience whatsoever?  Good, cause I enjoy the idea of cracking my head for chump change.  And to severely hurt yourself, you don't really need talent at all so that's good!  Might as well film your own Jackass/MTV/Spike TV show while you're at it.

2. Bungee Jump Instructor (§250)

The salary sinks - but whoever thought that you'd get paid to do this?  Body skills are critical here; nutrition and fatigue must be carefully monitored at home.  You might invest in home gym equipment as well, to keep in the best shape possible.

It's bungie-jumping, not much else to say.  At least I'm watching other people suffer besides me.

3. Whitewater Guide (§325)

You're in charge of the rafts bobbing down the river in Sim Canyon.  Hope your body skills are sufficient - to advance here, your paying riders need to have confidence in your strength.  Never know when you might have some boat repairs to do, so mechanical aptitude is a plus.

Um, whitewater rafting.  At this point in my career, I ask "WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH RACING!!!"  Nuff said...

4. Xtreme Circuit Pro (§400)

Snowboards in winter, mountain bikes in spring, kayaks in summer, and skateboards in fall - you've entered the year-round pro circuit.  Strategies for winning can be helped by developing your logic skill.  Since you're burning mega-calories, learning a few cooking tricks is a good idea, too.

Congrats, you're a Dick's Sporting Goods/Academy poster-boy now.  This job makes sense since we've seen pros like Bucky Lasek, Travis Pastrana, Ricky Carmichael, and Shaun White go race cars before (apparently, they are used to extreme danger/speed).  But HOLY COW is being a skateboarder (or any of those other things) on a professional level is insanely hard.  Takes a ton of patience to learn how to ollie/kickflip/grind a rail.  Made it that far already?  How about you go to the pros, compete in X-Games, film movies, and overall try not to kill yourself.  If being a pro skateboarder is a necessary requirement to being a race car driver, then bitch please...I'm done.  Back to video games.  Besides, you deserve a lot more money for doing this work.  Why it's at #4, I have no clue.

5. Bush Pilot (§475)

Piloting that antique plane of yours demands some serious mechanical skill if you're going to safely dive through dense cloud cover and land on dangerous terrain.  And you'd better be in great physical shape in case you can't get out the same way you got in.  Of course, the danger does yield high pay.

I'M FLYIN A PLANE, WHOOOOPIEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!  LOOK MA, NO HANDS!!!!!!  Can we go skydiving now??  Your move, Maxis.  If not, we can always DO A BARREL ROLL!!!!

6. Mountain Climber (§550)

You've become a renowned climber of unscaled peaks, and there's lots of cash to be made by filming your expeditions for television.  Mechanical and creativity skills will be important - a failure in your ascent gear or strategy could be devastating.

Stuck in this lousy career track, better drink my own piss, indeed.

7. Photojournalist (§650)

Creative skills will help you here.  Work time is divided between taking photos and writing articles at the Sim Times newspaper office.  You need to make sure you allow enough time to write without social distractions, in order to meet deadlines and collect a nice, fat fee.  Maybe you should practice charisma.  Who knows when you may be called upon to narrate your photos?

I've covered wars you kn--wait, WHAT AM I DOING AT THIS LOUSY JOB AGAIN???  At least I get to live out my lifelong dream of running around a mall in my underwear.

8. Treasure Hunter (§725)

You've moved on to salvaging wrecks off the Sim City coastline.  You need friends in the right places to secure all those permits.  Hone that creative talent to get an edge in the search.

According to the job requirements, you need 5 logic points to attain this job.  BULLS***.  You need 11 logic points for this job.  A SECRET MESSAGE ON THE BACK OF THE DECLARATION THAT TELLS ME TO GO TO SOME ARBITRARY LOCATION WRITTEN IN A BUNCH OF HIEROGLYPHICS???  BETTER GET SOME LEMON JUICE!!!

9. Grand Prix Driver (§825)

Your latest job involves laying rubber on Sim City's racetracks.  It is important that you leave home in a good mood with high spirits - you'll drive your best race that way.  Playing an Electronic Arts racing game on your home computer might sharpen your reflexes, too.

BOOGITY BOOGITY BOOGITY, WE MADE IT BOYS!!!!  WE'RE FINALLY RACE CAR DRIVERS!!!!  But no, you don't drive--err...ride to work in an F1 car, just a Dodge Viper.  The pay sucks for a professional driver.  As for my response to an "Electronic Arts racing game"...

HEY JIMMIE!!!  How'd you become such a great driver??

"Just worked hard all these years...rode bikes, went bungee jumping, rafting, skateboarding, flew planes, climbed mountains, took pictures, and and looked for buried treasure.  Any questions???"

For the record, your "extreme" career is not over!  Prepare to be whisked out of your cockpit seat to...

10. International Spy (§925)

You've become a "secret agent" on assignment for your government in Sim City.  To survive this highly lucrative business, you must keep yourself in top mental and physical condition.  Spies are also irrestible - which can cause problems with your mate.

That's right--you go from a friggin race car driver to mutha-f***in James Bond (or Ethan Hunt, if you're feeling picky).  I have no idea how that works so for all terrorist/criminal organizations out there...keep tabs on Formula 1, NASCAR, Indy Car, Le Mans, Rally, Grand Tourer drivers out there since there's your man right there.  SECRET AGENTS...

Oh, that's right.  James Bond is such a great driver because he was once a professional race car driver!  It all makes sense now!!!  007 doesn't even need a steering wheel to drive!!!

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But we all know the real way to be a race car driver and that is to race dirt cars/go-karts a frickin hell of a lot, win a lot of races, build your own cars, and get a car owner to hire you.  Either that or you pay a crapton of money.  Being a "risk taker" conditions you for the danger and sharpens your reflexes.  You've already seen the fear so you're well-prepared.  Otherwise, these menial jobs are meaningless.

Go driving with a cougar (the animal type) and skip the first 8 steps.  Easy!

Just for s***s and giggles, let's take a look at some other jobs from The Sims:

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(Journalism) 2. Game Reviewer (§200)

The lowliest writing job you can get, but your name is in the byline.  Game companies send you free beta builds, and you get to play them (game and company), deciding on a whim whether you'll give them good press or not.

LAWL GAMESPOT AND IGN, BUNCH OF NOOBS.  "Deciding on a whim whether to give them good press or not"?  You're saying you never play the games before reviewing them?  Or that someone pays you off instead?  No s***, Sherlock.

(Hacker) 1. Beta Tester (§200)

Put the next version of the software through its paces, and try to crash the software as often as possible.  The Company is depending on you to make sure this code arrives on the store shelves in the cleanest possible condition, provided you don't rack up too many late-night pizza bills.

Full Sail grads.

(Hacker) 6. Game Designer (§610)

Good thing you've gotten so creative as of late - turns out your ideas for games have caught the eyes and ears of the Powers That Be.  Now the pressure's on for you to develop a game script that will capture the public's interest, as well.  That also means you get to work nights, since that's when the engineers are at the office.

Aw hell naw, that ain't right.  Creativity gets you jack s*** at EA, remember?  Get back to work, programmers!!!  The working nights part is spot on, though.  And why is this track called "Hacker" anyway--wouldn't the name "Computer Science" make more sense?

(Hacker) 9. Venture Capitalist (§1300)

All those stock options paid off - now that you've gotten more liquid, you can pick and choose which struggling little startups will earn your magnanimity, as well as the prestige for your name as a backing of their work.

GUESS WHO THIS IS!!?? ->

BTW, there is technically a Formula 1 car in The Sims 3...buy the uber DLC "Sims 3: Fast Lane Stuff" for more cool cars that all you can do is stare at!  Unfortunately, it's a open cockpit single-seater so no woohoo allowed.  Why can't this be in Forza 4 instead?  I'm done here, this post sucks.

See The Sims jobs here.