Danica's New Wheels (GODADDY, GO GO GO GO)

Ooooooo, now we know what Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing: Transformed spokeswoman Danica Patrick's in-game car looks like in Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing: Transformed and it is this:

To be honest, I think she looks fine.  They even got her breast size right!  Ok, I don't want to sound like a creep here.  But really, I think the realistic style is best and that's how I thought she would be.  Cartoony would've sucked.  Again, her appearance reminds me of Brooke Burke from Pocketbike Racer but so what...this is DANICA we're talking about here.  Danica doing Nationwide commercials with Junior...I mean, two of my MOST FAVORITE DRIVERS of all time in one commercial, doesn't get any better than that.

Now for the car.  Well, for some dumb reason, I thought she would be driving the blue Sonic All-Stars Racing car from the E3 presentation which ruined my life.  I didn't think she would be driving the Hornet either--I mean, it wouldn't logically make sense, like if Danica, Jacky Bryant, or Segata Sanshiro were driving the car, it would merge two characters in one.  Yes, I consider the Hornet to be its own standalone character so it doesn't need a special driver.  Remember Fighters Megamix?  Leave the Hornet on its own.

But we have an Indy Car here.  With SIX WHEELS.  And I think it looks cool even if the Go Daddy and Hot Wheels ads are just there for some goofy ass reason but so what cause I like Hot Wheels and Go Daddy commercials make me laugh (shame on me).  But it's strange because Danica basically quit Indy Car to drive full-time in NASCAR.  So why would Danica reassociate herself with Indy Car?

EDIT: It just dawned on me--there were five Sega Hot Wheels a while back (2003)--regular cars with paint jobs from Jet Set Radio, Space Channel 5, Super Monkey Ball, House of the Dead, and Shinobi.  No Hornet unfortunately, WHAT A DISGRACEFUL MOVE BY HOT WHEELS.  MICRO MACHINES WERE BETTER ANYWAY.  See them here.

I just thought of a conspiracy.  Danica isn't driving a stock car because there's already one in the game...HORNET CONFIRMED FOR SEGA ALL-STARS RACING 2.  Or it could be because Indy Cars are more appealing to the general worldwide audience.  EDIT: I guess this also deconfirms the Virtua Racing car, but that was a long shot anyway.  Danica is gonna be one of my go-to characters (assuming the Hornet is not in cause I would pick it 100% of the time).  Show those pathetic Sega message boarders who piss and moan about Danica who's boss (DEBRIS ON THE TRACK!!!).  I guarantee that even though Danica can't win in real life, she'll win in the game!!!

Anyway, just some fun news for you about Go Daddy.  About a month ago, millions of GoDaddy websites and domains went down.  A hacker from Anonymous took claim for it.  Basically, some man-child in his mother's basement took down a good chunk of the Internet.  I should know because my game studio's website was down for a moment.

Spoiler alert--I registered the domain "phantomfullforce.com" a few months ago.  And now you know about this startling revelation even though it's been right up there in your URL bar for months.  Just $10 bucks a year.  What good it does for me, I don't know, I just don't like the "blogspot" part of the domain I suppose.  But what it has to do with Go Daddy?  When I clicked to register the domain, it said "You'll register this domain with Go Daddy.  Is this okay?"  And I chickened out at the last minute since I'm not 100% on board with Go Daddy (the whole SOPA debacle didn't help their cause any).  Pressed cancel, clicked again, it offered me some other host and there I go.  Turns out had I stuck with Go Daddy, my site would've been down.  And that would've been a horrible day in all of our lives.

But in a twist, GoDaddy said it wasn't hacked and that it had experienced internal network issues instead (the Anonymous guy lied).  We don't know if Go Daddy is BSing us, but if they were, we know the reason why the servers went down.  Clearly when Danica posted her new spread, the massive amount of traffic that ensued caused the servers to implode.  Yes, that's most certainly what happened.

Every time we talk about Danica, we need at least one Go Daddy commercial so here goes:

Danica's pet beaver.

Anyway, one more joke for the road.  Also a month ago at the Atlanta Nationwide race, there was controversy as Brad Keslowski threw a plastic water bottle out the window of his car which presumably led to a yellow flag due to "debris."  It's debatable that Brad threw the bottle after the yellow flag was out and his littering was irrelevant.  Kevin Harvick got mad at Brad because the yellow flag cost both of them the race (Kevin had a big lead but the caution forced Kevin to pit for gas or something and gave Ricky Stenhouse Jr. the win).  And I'm on RaceBuddy, NASCAR.com's free service that allows you to preview a couple of live car cams as the race happens, and people will post SFW things that are still idiotic "GO 88888888888888" OR "DENNY BLOW UP ALREADY."  Everyone still gives Danica a hard time and someone blurts out something along the lines of, "Danica should throw her bra out on the track."  I lost it then.  A juvenile story but I had to pad the length of this post with SOMETHING so there you go.  Adios.

EDIT: Just ordered Sonic & Sega All Stars Racing: Transformed BONUS EDITION off Amazon today.  $40 for just the game plus shipping (Amazon has free 5-10 day shipping if you like), it costs the same as the regular SaSASR:T version but with Metal Sonic and the OutRun course so buy the bonus version NOW or else.  I even went the distance and paid an extra $10 for one-day shipping so I can play it by Nov. 21.  Pshyeah, I'm a hardcore gamer.  *wegotabadass.jpg*

HOW IS NAMCO STILL ALIVE???

Nintendo loses money, Sega loses money, everyone loses money!!

Well, notsomuch.  Here comes Mappy in the red Mitsurugi car (Namco), zipping by the flipped over Ferrari Testarossa (Sega) and Mario being lifted to safety by Lakitu after getting zapped by lightning bolts (Nintendo).

Namco is that bad thigh rash that won't go away.  Well, maybe not that annoying, but I prefer Sega of course.  They made $42 mil last quarter & $698 mil last year.  From what?  From Mobile Suit Gundam, Power Rangers, "amusement facilities," and 3DS games such as Ridge Racer and some RPG's.  Ok, so I feel sorry for the 700,000 schmucks who bought the 3DS but many of those bought Namco games.  Great tactic, Namco, release a bunch of launch titles for a new device to pick up easy sales because what the hell else are people going to buy?  Just like hitting from the women's tees, makes sense right...?  Expect Namco to do the same thing with the PS Vita.

So with Sega sucking, let's throw out the "bad Japanese market" as an alibi cause if Namco can make money, then Sega SHOULD be able to do so.  I mean, really, shouldn't Sega aim their sights a little higher than Captain America and Shogun: Total War?  I don't know about you but I'm still waiting for this 18 Dreamcast ports that Sega CEO Mike Hayes promised!!!  Or anything else that's an original Sega IP!!!

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But really, Sega and Namco have some striking similarities.  For one, they're Japanese.  They both go back to their arcade glory days in the 80's-90's.  They both made lots of racing games.  They both made 3D fighting games.  And they both are second-rate backbencher devs/publishers today.

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EDITED this part once

Also, this I would like to point out with Namco.  So they're working on Soul Calibur Five, rushing to design that new boob jiggle physics engine.  SC5 (or SCV, my bad) is supposed to take place 17 years ahead of SC4 cause, ya know, we really play fighting games for the plot.  And because it's in the future, that means the original cast of characters will be aged.  Since some of the ladies will inevitably not make it, expect lolly versions of old characters...like Taki's daughter who's 15 years old.

Makes a lotta sense, right.  "Don't like boobies!  Well, here's some kids!"  Still seems weird that you can portray 15-year-olds getting split in the head by a giant axe--especially with them stripped to their underwear in classy Namco style.  Why couldn't this series, with its sci-fi elements and all, couldn't just "teleport" characters into the future (dare to explain guest characters like Spawn, Heihachi, Link, Kratos, Darth Vader, Yoda???).  I don't know, I don't care.  Stick with Virtua Fighter.

Giving Akira a wet willy!!

EDIT: I used this picture before, sorry.

But it gets better!  Ivy's in although she's permanently stuck at 32 years old.  But after poking Namco with a stick at ComicCon, it's revealed that Taki will indeed return.  All 40+ years of her.  Brilliant.



Anyway, my favorite SC character has been Seong Mina, but if they get rid of her, I don't care...she's run her course.  They'll ruin her somehow--she's old, make her dress/look stupid, make her bottom tier, etc.  She has barely any chance since Namco has basically disregarded her since SC1.  So screw this game.

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I'm done here.  Enjoy riding Namco's coattails, Sega.  With Nintendo in the toilet, joining Square and Capcom, SEGA COULD'VE PUT THE COUNTRY OF JAPAN AWAY!!!!  THEY COULD'VE PUT IT AWAY!!!!   THEY WERE IN THE CLEAR!!!!  BUT THEY BLEW IT!!!!  What they could've done...I dunno, I'm an idiot fan who knows nothing.  Sony would've stopped 'em anyway.  Why am I a fan of this lousy company called Sega.  Get ready for a future of crummy, dominant American devs--Activision, Electronic Arts, Microsoft...unless Sega and co. step it up.