Sunday, April 7, 2013

Real Life Sega Racin'--Plus Poor, Poor Peter Moore :(

Well guys, last Friday was one of the greatest days of my life.  What happened, you say?  It was morning time and I made the 15-minute drive up the highway to try to get to work on time.  The pavement was wet from rain.  As I was traversing the offramp to take one of those nifty 180-degree banked turns, I always instinctively punch it and hit the racing line.  Seriously, it's little things like "go 50 mph around a sweeping turn" that really help me get through the day cause seldom does anything else.

And as I throttled on around the turn, I started to drift.  Not hydroplane but DRIFT like in Daytona, OutRun, Initial D.  The little blue FWD coupe started to slide at (I guess) 15 degrees for about 3 seconds.  But what makes this even more exhilarating was that I handled it like a mother f***in champ.  Didn't panic like "OMFG I'M GOING TO DIE", just sort of eased off the gas, counter-steered and whoomp--car straightened out and I was on my merry way.  Just like Captain Chelsey Sullenburger (with ice water in his veins) as US Airways Flight 1549 made an emergency landing in the Hudson River with no casualties.  Sorta like my brain snapped and said "I got this bro," as I realigned the car without a sign of panic.

The drift goes on my repertoire of things a race car driver must do to to become a bonafide driver.  Things like trade paint with the wall (thanks wooden fence), spin out on the highway, survive a wreck on the highway (no damage to either cars, I'm that good), floor it 10 times trying to beat the red light, do a 3-point turn, parallel park once, have a 95% success rate (min. 25 attemps) doing a right turn into a parking space, beat every Sega racing game, start a blog and talk about race cars, and so forth.  Most legit driver ever, watch out Travis Pastrana.

By the way, listen to some cool ass music:

Anyway, this is kind of a hilarious story.  We know about our beloved Peter Moore, right Sega fans?  Well, Peter Moore is now the new Chief Operating Officer of EA.  Basically, he's the Master of the Domain.  And he posted an editorial in EA's defense titled "We Can Do Better."  Obviously it doesn't mean jack shit to the legions of angry Redditors out there but still kinda funny to watch EA become self-conscious of their behavior.  Will they change?  Meh, not counting on it...

Head of EA: Our cheeky m8 took AGES to get dis good, wot u say bout him nao???

But after reading it, to be honest, Peter is kinda right, partially cause he's not scumbag John Riccitiello with the microtransaction quotes.  The thing that is most telling is "The tallest trees catch the most wind."  Yeah, EA, as much as they suck ass, still has a few good games to their name--Battlefield, Mass Effect, Madden, The Sims...QQ all you want about them but that doesn't change the fact they're at least decent.  The fact that they're so famous means they'll catch the most crap.  Fairly certain there are smaller companies just as scummy but you'll never hear people mocking them.  Plus I was reading a Cracked article yesterday called "6 Harsh Truths That'll Make You A Better Person."  Here's a good segment at the article's conclusion that you should probably read:

Remember, misery is comfortable. It's why so many people prefer it. Happiness takes effort.

Also, courage. It's incredibly comforting to know that as long as you don't create anything in your life, then nobody can attack the thing you created.

It's so much easier to just sit back and criticize other people's creations. This movie is stupid. That couple's kids are brats. That other couple's relationship is a mess. That rich guy is shallow. This restaurant sucks. This Internet writer is an asshole. I'd better leave a mean comment demanding that the website fire him. See, I created something.

Oh, wait, did I forget to mention that part? Yeah, whatever you try to build or create -- be it a poem, or a new skill, or a new relationship -- you will find yourself immediately surrounded by non-creators who trash it. Maybe not to your face, but they'll do it. Your drunk friends do not want you to get sober. Your fat friends do not want you to start a fitness regimen. Your jobless friends do not want to see you embark on a career.

Just remember, they're only expressing their own fear, since trashing other people's work is another excuse to do nothing. "Why should I create anything when the things other people create suck? I would totally have written a novel by now, but I'm going to wait for something good, I don't want to write the next Twilight!" As long as they never produce anything, it will forever be perfect and beyond reproach. Or if they do produce something, they'll make sure they do it with detached irony. They'll make it intentionally bad to make it clear to everyone else that this isn't their real effort. Their real effort would have been amazing. Not like the shit you made. doubt about it, I'm sick and tired of people who complain but don't contribute anything to society.  BUT I DO.  I'm a game designer/blogger of 2.5 years and what EA does is garbage.  Like God's Honest Truth, Reddit Gaming, if you hate EA so much, go do something proactive about it besides sit in your corner of the Internet and circlejerk over it as you continue to suck at the teat of EA by buying all their crap.  Your site is almost 4chan bad now.  Oh, that's right, you stole all the good stuff from 4chan (like every meme there is) so, as the Brits say, go sod off...

EDIT: Wait, more to say about Reddit.  As I continue to skim over /r/gaming/ (Lord Jesus Help Me), I'm convinced I found the template for every top post, a shitty meme-pic as such:

*le picture*

* - Bear in mind that this was at the top of /r/gaming/'s front page.  What passes as "quality" content on that site.

But one choice quote from Peter Moore, just for fun:

Many continue to claim the Always-On function in SimCity is a DRM scheme. It’s not. People still want to argue about it. We can’t be any clearer – it’s not. Period.

I don't care if SimCity's Always-Online function is a DRM or not, it sucks.  I don't want to be forced to play online with other people when I play SimCity.  The server downage, lack of user mods, and constricted gameplay make it simply untolerable as it is.

Oh, and speaking of Always-Online, check out the new Xbox which is rumored to function the same exact way.  The one that makes the Kinect a mandatory feature.  Yeah, that's two strikes by Microsoft--always-online and Kinect-required.  And then you have this Microsoft guy talking smack over Twitter against people who can't stand the Always-Online connection.  Apparently the guy was joking (smart move, especially with angry Redditors trying to pounce on any EA/Microsoft/Activision employee they can get) but it really gets me thinking about Always-Online and how this kind of stuff is "perfectly okay" according to these people.  I'm joining the PC Master Race if this is the case.  New Xbox is looking more like shit every day.


I just felt like throwing this in here for fun.  Super old but I don't care.  Here's Richard Garriott (of Ultimate fame) saying that "most game designers really suck."  I've never cared about Ultima and I think Richard is an arrogant asshole but I do agree with over-infatuation with the game designers and how they trot up on stage and give the same-old self-aggrandizing speeches and soak in all the attention like they're gods among us mere pawns & peasants.  You guys would be nowhere without the programmers and artists who helped you get there.  Yeah, power to the programmers (and artists too, although they don't like drawing cars so boohoo), you guys are the best.  Now go shave your neckbeards.


One more thing.  I keep hearing about these guys called the "Game Grumps" from all my ex-FIEA classmates.  And how they talk about the Game Grumps playing Sonic '06 and how astonished they are at how bad that game really was.  Um, welcome to the life of Sega fans seven years ago.  I beat Sonic '06 from  start to finish and everyone's like "NO WAAAAYYYY."  Yes way.  It was like eating prison food while fans of every other company got to eat 5-star steak and lobster.  As a bitter Sega fan, I want every non-Sega fan to suffer with us.  Ok, adios guys.


  1. Hey Eric :)

    Just so you know, Antonis Pelekanos (90's Arcade Racer) will be giving a talk at a local Nintendo-sponsored game development conference in Spain this weekend. I can say hi from you if you want :p

    Tyrone Rodriguez from Nicalis will be there as well btw. Here is the schedule (I can't find it in English):

    1. I didn't know that Antonis was that prolific... Knew he made some other games but if this guy gives speeches, then definitely say hi to him for me! Tell him I'm the guy that donated 90 quid and that his game is the one thing that we've been waiting for for so long!

    2. Well, this turned out to be a disappointment. The event was an hour behind schedule, and when the time came for the last talk of the day (the one where Antonis was supposed to be talking about crowdfunding), he simply wasn't there. No one gave an explanation but my guess is that had to run to catch his plane back home. I hope the organizers take note of how disastrous the entire situation has been. I did see him talking to some press guys during the morning though.

      Tyrone from Nicalis tried to show a demo of the game but he had some trouble with the screen setup so we didn't get to see anything. At least he said they were currently fine tuning the physics so it'd feel like a Sega racing game.

    3. Yeah, sounds like a total disaster... I hope Antonis is doing okay and people got to see the game anyway! LiveStream the speech from home if he has to, lol!

    4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. You finished Sonic 06? Hats off to you, sir. Holy crapstain, hats off to you. x3 even.

    Seriously, man, that's one hell of an achievement.

    1. Yes sir, I did. You can check my Xbox Gamerscore for proof. I didn't go for all S-ranks (Good Lord NOOOO), but in retrospect, that was a really big feat, bigger than beating any other Sonic game I suppose. Ones that include game saves that is because Sonic 2 and Sonic Spinball are just a pain in the ass to beat...