Thursday, January 17, 2013

Russians & North Koreans Don't Know Racers

No e-mail, forum, or blog is safe from spam.  As the "webmaster," sometimes my stats are padded by hits from Russian spam sites.  It causes no harm to my blog but irritates me nonetheless.  Spam comments happen on occasion too although the filter picks up most of them.  Generic stuff like, "Thank you for your blog.  That's all I have to say.  This was a very informative post full of great information."  Most of these comments are so generic in nature that surely they were made by web bots.  But in this case, the bots become "sentient" and custom tailor their spam to the site at hand:

This was from the The Need For The Sense Of Speed post.  I am not making this stuff up.  Russian spammers actually "acknowledge" what my blog is all about.  And they even created a profile named "Ridge Racer" to go along with it.  What the hell is this???  So you're saying there's Russians eavesdropping on my blog finding ridiculous ways to usurp it by pretending to be a racing aficionado like me?

Somewhere my site is about to be hacked.
And when it goes down, it'll read...
"Need for Speed is better...slugheads."

Amateur Russian spammers need to get a frickin life and start contributing positively to society.  But there's more!  I only find stuff like by pure luck, glancing over YouTube, Reddit, etc.  Here's the very first video game to come out of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea...Pyongyang Racer, a free-to-play web browser driving game.

Play the game here.  Apparently it involves driving a slow sedan in a loop around Pyongyang, hitting petrol cans and checking out the landmarks & scenery.  Don't hit other traffic and don't stare at the police lady or you'll be thrown in a gulag.  The wonderful graphics and lack of traffic on the road capture the essence of North Korea's suckiness.  A valiant attempt at a racing game though, considering how North Korea uses The Hunger Games as a model for pretty much everything...hard to make a tight racing game when you're living in a police state.

Come on, North Korea.  I mean the Soviet Union sucked but at least it got s*** done...The Kremlin, WW2, AK-47's, vodka, nukes/Dr. Strangelove/War Games, bad guys for every Western FPS and James Bond movie, Spetsnaz with the ballistic knives,, sexy Russian accents, Sputnik/cosmonauts, numerous chess champions, Siberian huskies and domesticated silver foxes, Trololo Guy, and Tetris.  The best North Korea can do is a few failed missile tests, a bad racing game, inspiration for THQ's Homefront which sucked, delusional leaders obsessed with basketball, and a lousy YouTube channel and website (with a store to buy DPRK swag, yo).  Oh boy.  Go to bed already, people.