Friday, November 18, 2011

GREAT Day For Game Reviews! NFS, Zelda, MW3!

Hah!  I knew this day would come.  The day when I'd see Need for Speed and Electronic Arts exposed as the loathsome cretins that they are!!  MWAHAHAHA!!!

Need for Speed: The Run gets taken down by the game reviewers.  Well, it's not horrible but compared to Hot Pursuit, it is mediocre.

The Giant Bomb review, in particular, is my favorite but I'm looking at various reviews for reasons why.  One, the story is just a load of BS.  Predictable Michael Bay crap and an unlikable protagonist.  Second is the rubber-band AI.  Why do game devs keep bringing this back?  It was in practically every Cruis'n/FnF game, every Mario Kart, Split/Second, and now Need for Speed.  Third, just not enough options in the game.  No free-driving, little car customization, yada yada yada.  Fourth, the game is too linear.  Fifth, the car handling sucks, etc.

I love Quick Looks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

But just for kicks, I decided to go back and take a look at previous Need for Speed games.  Now there's a game called Need for Speed: Undercover.  It was released two years ago.  The formula is basically the same as this--hype up a huge-ass storyline but this time, you're a cop trying to crack down on drug dealers/black market smugglers or something like that.  On the other hand, NFS: Hot Pursuit is less story oriented and thus is much better received by the public.

Seriously, take a look at the GameRankings reviews.  NFS: Hot Pursuit = 87.45%.  NFS: The Run = 68.34%.  NFS: Undercover = 64.60%.  So isn't it obvious that a heavy focus on "epic storylines/cutscenes" is total garbage?  Me and many others have been calling this game BS since the start and now it's readily apparent.  I really have no idea what the producers' thought processes were throughout development but it's just baffling to me.

Wait, am I playing a racing game or watching a terrible movie?  EDIT: Seriously, this feels like Sega CD.

Then again, if the game manages to sell well thanks to the EA's marketing machine, then does it really matter how "bad" the game is?  We'll see what the sales numbers are.  Until then, stick to Hot Pursuit if you really want NFS action.

I mean, damn....remember when Need for Speed games were about DRIVING?  Pure unadulterated driving?  And it was legitimately cool?  This is from 1999 (with a custom car model).  Screw graphics, THIS IS AWESOME.


Now before I go on, I know that professional game reviews are full of BS.  I recently had to deal with a few bad Daytona USA reviews myself.  But the difference here is that I'm looking at the average game reviews.  Yeah sure, there will always be a few trash reviews that do a piss-poor job of explaining everything, but with a large sample of people coming down on the game, know something stinks about it.  Doesn't mean you have to agree with the average score--hell, you may think The Run is a great game.  But I do think reviews are vindictive of SOMETHING.


And now let's move on to Legend of Zelda.  For what it's worth, I don't give a damn about the games nowadays but it's really funny what has transgressed with this new Skyward Sword game.

Remember in the past how GameSpot (back when Jeff Gerstmann was still around) gave Twilight Princess an 8.8 and all the Zelda fanboys lost their s*** over it?  When Jeff said that the motion controls felt tacked on and that the graphics looked a bit dated (both of which make sense because this WAS supposed to be a GameCube title)?

Well it gets worse!  So the same website, GamesPOT, gave Zelda: Skyward Sword a 7.5!  A Seven Point Five!  A 7.5.  So what happens next?

And the same guy who wrote the review (Tom McShea), also gave Super Mario Galaxy 2 a perfect score of 10 so don't say he's a "Nintendo hater."

Well, the main hook for Skyward Sword is that the game actually has meaningful sword combat.  You can't just waggle the stick around and expect to kill the bad guy--you actually have to time your moves, just like in a fighting game.  So that's kind of neat but Tom fudged up the controls by using a regular Wii Motion controller as opposed to a Wii Motion Plus controller and that ruins everything.  Later admitted that he was wrong by not using the Plus controller.  However, GameSpot won't change the 7.5 score.  The game is still "slow to start" and "hasn't changed much over the years," yada yada yada...  EDIT: Click here for more Tom McShea shenanigans.

So now GameFAQs has put a bounty on this guy's head.  Here's some posts although I think many have been deleted for being off-topic.  It's funny because you think I had "problems" when some new guy working at OXM half-asses a 4.5 review of Daytona USA.  But I know that guy's a joke.  On the other hand, Tom McShea is considered "legit."  Well, not anymore I guess!!

I don't even care anymore.  GameSpot sucks, GameFAQs sucks, Skyward Sword is already getting great reviews from elsewhere, and I wish Skyrim had gotten that review score also I'm f***ing sick and tired of everyone pissing themselves over that game too.  STOP MAKING A BIG DEAL OUT OF DRAGONS & SWORDS ALREADY, DAMMIT.  Well actually, dragons are pretty cool BUT NO SWORDS plz.

...Hey, I just realized something.  GameSpot gave Sonic Generations an 8.0.  And they gave Zelda: Skyward Sword a 7.5.  So you know what this means?  For the first time in The History Of The World, a Sonic game > a Zelda game.  Who would've thunk it...SONIC IS BETTER THAN ZELDA.  I LOVE GAMESPOT!!!


Also in the news.  Nobody likes Modern Warfare 3 despite it selling a billion copies on release day (more like  12 million or so).  So quick, downvote the game on every site imaginable!  Even one of the developers tweeted to get users to upvote the game but that must've backfired, seeing how anal the average gamer is.

I snapped this screenshot this very day, ten days after the game was released.  I also see this on any major gaming site such as GameSpot.  Well, it's just a tiny minority of pissed off gamers but it may be bigger than you think.  Doesn't matter since Activision is sitting cozy with nearly a billion dollars in sales for just the first 5 days alone...

MW3 is a lot like MW2.  Which really isn't that bad of a thing.  If idiots buy it, then good for them.  Hey, take a look at all the OutRun 2 games we got.  So it's bad that we got OutRun 2 then Outrun 2006 then Outrun Online Arcade?  I don't know.  That's my one cent.

BTW, a truck full of explosives blows up a little girl and her mother.  And Soap dies.  And Price hangs Makarov with a helicopter cable.  And dogs with C4 come after you in Survival Mode.  There, now you have no need to play this game now.  No spoiler warning.  Rofl.

TLDR: Reviews suck and no one cares any more, rofl.


  1. I actually rented NFS: The Run not too long ago. I thought it was okay, but definitely flawed. My favorite is still NFS: Most Wanted.

  2. most wanted is the best. 5 grand... 5 GRAND.

  3. The original NFS on 3DO was and still is the best. Hot Pursuit is a close second. That game was a blast! Also, I didn't think it was gonna be possible to play Skyward Sword without the motion plus. Why wouldn't he have played it with it on? That's just fucking ridiculous. What's next, he's gonna review Rock Band 4 using only a regular controller? Dumbfucker.