Sunday, December 9, 2012

Sega All-Stars Racing WTFs (Ft. Nintendo/Zach Morris)

Dear Spike TV.  On behalf of myself and all the Sega fans out there, I demand you take that "Best Racing Game" award away from Burnout: Paradise 2 Need for Speed: Most Wanted (A Criterion Game) and give it to Sonic & All-Stars Racing: Transformed.  You see, as a very important person on the Internet with an influential blog (95% of all traffic from Google Image Searches) my feelings matter very much, even if I didn't bother to watch your crummy awards show at all.  So until you stop hyping up overrated racing games, I call for an indefinite boycott of your lousy channel (even though I have denounced you badly enough before)!  YOU'RE CLEARLY OUT TO GET SEGA, THAT'S WHAT IT IS.  YOU GUYS SUCK!!!!  Go turn into a metrosexual channel just like G4.

EDIT: Just joking, don't really care what Spike TV does.  Even if Sega All-Stars Racing got recognition there, it would go in and out the ears of everyone watching.  A day after the show, not a single f*** will be given about the awards.  Seriously bro...that's the joke.

Now there's cause for concern about Sega All-Stars Racing's sales numbers.  Somewhere, a few Sega fans have jumped off a bridge (they've survived previous jumps) but this is a good comment I read from "IceHedge" on the TSSZNews article:

If you total these numbers up compared to how All-Stars Racing did roughly in its first week:

ASR sold 20,498 + 10,432 + 7,419 = 37,349

S&ASRT sold 34,825 + 9,272 + 9,506 = 53,603

In order: Wii/Wii U + Xbox 360 + PS3 units sold respectively

Yeah, we said the same doom & gloom stuff about the first Sega All-Stars Racing.  That it would bomb.  But the game went on to cruise to 3.2 million sales across all platforms worldwide which I suppose is successful (in Sega terms).  It's good enough to merit making a second Sega All-Stars Racing so it's not too bad.

Go ahead and blame Sega for doing a crap job at advertising.  Not enough commercials.  Only saw one commercial on ESPN2 while they were airing the Nationwide race with Danica's Sega car.  DarthS0L said Danica would get the word out, yada yada yada, but I don't think real-life car fans care about arcade racing games (a topic for another day).  Danica's impact on sales may have been below expectations but I'm not going to pile on Sega, Sumo Digital, or Danica Patrick for this because something MARKETING FAILS.  

But when you think of big sales, you compare Sega All-Stars Racing to some mega-hyped game like Black Ops 2 or Halo 4 and what?  Games like CoD and Halo are basically hyped up so much they burn out too quickly.  Explains why they release a new one every year to the same exact massive sales numbers.  It's become tradition for every average joe gamer to run out and buy this on launch, play the crap out of multiplayer, then drop it for whatever else is the "cool new thing" at the moment--usually another very original gun/sword/knife-wielding action game.

EDIT whole paragraph: On the contrary, Sega All-Stars Racing isn't a "must-have" title for most (because racing games & Sega games aren't top-tier sellers by any means) but people will get around to it.  It'll have a longer shelf life than these quick Halo/CoD iterations because it won't be "eclipsed" as quickly.  I've heard of Wii U owners who wanted to pick this up but were holding out on the Wii U console altogether until its library got bigger.  Also the PC version isn't even out yet!  And Christmas isn't even here yet.  We're gonna have to go the "cult classic" route and do Sega's advertising for them.  It's what this blog helps me to do.  Anyway I'm not going into panic mode yet.

But you want to hear even crazier stuff?  I don't know what TSSZ News's deal is posting ridiculous rumors like this.  Apparently, Nintendo is planning to acquire Sega.  And this is from a video by the "HipHopGamer."

I don't believe it.  I don't even need to watch the video.  But I'll say this about Nintendo owning Sega--I'd be traumatized.  Why?  Because Nintendo and Sega think differently.  Nintendo is a successful game developer, Sega isn't anymore.  Nintendo pours tons of effort into Mario, Zelda, Pokemon, and Wii stuff.  It's good stuff but predictable and highly reliant on some new features like the Wiimote and the 3D screen (that makes people vomit).  Yet Sega lives on the edge.  Always got the crazy new IPs for each console (including arcades...something Nintendo was completely lacking), got that Sonic attitude, making professional arcade titles that still get credit like Daytona and Virtua Fighter.  I don't know how much room Nintendo would give for Sega to flex (Nintendo-console exclusives would suck) but judging from how Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games went down, I think any Sega IPs would just be sterilized.  After all, Nintendo IPs like Smash Bros. sell and Sega ones (usually) don't.  Which way do you think Nintendo will steer the ship?

If this is true, I hope I'm wrong.  Don't need to be a Nintendo diehard to know just looking at the history between the two, they're meant to be rivals just by the way they operate.  If they were to merge, then one would have to change.  And I don't see Nintendo willing to change.

Also, look at this guy...Hip Hop Gamer.  If Nintendo acquiring Sega was such a big story, this would've at least made it to Kotaku or Reddit but no.  Now I don't have a hate-on for rap like some others do (though I hate this crap psuedo hip-hop from losers like Black Eyed Peas and R-Kelly or whatever tool thinks hanging out with Justin Bieber is a good thing) but I know that a lot of these hip-hop sites tend to harbor crazy conspiracy theories.  Like Jay-Z with the hand signals, Lil Wayne's occult rap lyrics, Michael Jackson was assassinated by a secret organzation.  That's extreme, I know, but I can't help but feel skeptical about any "exclusive" information they have to report.

Oh, speaking of conspiracy theories and making up Sega stuff, it's our good Dreamcast 2 friend, Zach Morris!!!  He predicted the Dreamcast 2's release on Dec 12, 2012.  Guess what, it's three days to go and unless Sega has serious brain damage, it would've been announced & advertised already.  But Zach Morris has another blog up -- Model4: Inside Sega's R&D.  Strangely, some of these posts, presumably by "employees of Zach Morris," make a little sense.  In other words, they are mildly informative and actually reference old Model2/32X/Saturn media.  So what's going on here?  Is this some guy who lives in some fictional world where he's the R&D guy of Sega, making elaborate posts about Sega insider information on crappy websites that hardly anyone reads (like Chris-Chan but a lot less graphic)?  Or is he one of the lamest trolls ever only trying to f*** with the minds of a few wandering Sega fans?  Forget this guy.  I'm taking a nap.

Quick, someone needs to make a "Scumbag Sega" meme--maybe then Sega would get some attention.


  1. Face it, man. When you deal with mainstream gaming types, you get mainstream gaming opinions and favorites. Even campaigning certain games as the finest is going to get washed away by the cries of those of popular opinion. I'm not hating on you or anything... just saying. I didn't see the award show, but I'm surprised Forza Horizon or something didn't get the award.

    Nintendo owning Sega would be the ultimate smackdown being laid considering the Nintendo/Sega wars of the 1980s and (especially) the 1990s.

  2. Just kidding...most people on the Internet go crazy over meaningless award shows and call for "petishuns" to change votes so....yeah, that's the shtick I was going for.