Monday, December 12, 2011

Spike VGA's: No Wonder Miyamoto Is Leaving...

As we all know, Miyamoto is set to "retire" soon.  EDIT: Okay, he's really not but whatever.  Although I don't suck up to Nintendo, I do give Miyamoto a LOT of credit for kick-starting Nintendo and the Japanese game market so kudos, man.

Anyway, a few days ago or whatever, the Spike Video Game Awards were on.  I had no idea about this until today.  And thank God I didn't watch it live otherwise I would've gone skydiving without a parachute.

So Miyamoto is in attendance at this Oscar's style award ceremony.  Wait a second, who died and made Spike the leading authority on video game awards?  Bunch of schmucks.  Although G4TV is probably worse, I dunno.  Anyway, the Black Keys (some lame-o alternative band I don't listen to) performed and here's Miyamoto head-bobbing, having a grand old time.  No really, he looked just weirded out throughout the whole thing.  Don't worry, Miyamoto, I'll mail you some Deep Purple/Cheap Trick CD's when this is over.

And then you have the STUPIDEST F***ING THING THAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN.  Burnout winning game of the year?  No, not that bad but it's close.  So Charlie Sheen (oh God) goes up to announce the best FPS of the year.  He says Modern Warfare 3 and half the Internet becomes vehemently ill.  Up comes some producers from Infinity Ward to accept the award, followed by a cosplaying soldier who knocks one of them down and proceeds to teabag repeatedly.  Can't embed the video, fortunately.

Please bear in mind that SHIGERU MIYAMOTO was in attendance.  The Man, The Myth, The Legend.  Sitting there watching a guy get tea-bagged.  Have we gamers lost or minds or what???  Just to illustrate, I'll put both pics side by side.

What a joke.  Miyamoto the legend is subjected to this crap?  SHOW THE MAN SOME RESPECT.  This is like at a wedding before the bride says "I do," a fat naked guy goes streaking by.  Tons of advertising and crap celebrities like Jack Black, Hulk Hogan, Charlie Sheen, the Tosh.O guy, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Green, Eddie Griffin, Neil Patrick Harris, Ashton Kutcher, any pinhead celebrity who think it's "cool" to be down with video games???  Is this a show about VIDEO GAMES or is it about being a stupid ass???

No wonder Miyamoto is qutting.  He's probably thinking, "There's no hope for these kids."  I also know Hideo Kojima was there...sheesus, this stuff serves as fuel for his crazy MGS conspiracy crap.  All Kojima could do was babble on.


I only pray that Yu Suzuki didn't have to sit through this.  Although I wish Toshihiro Nagoshi did to teach him of his idiotic ways.

Oh, and which games won awards?  Well, Skyrim, Batman, Portal 2, the same crap you'd come to expect.  Really love how the best Xbox 360 game was a non-exclusive (Batman).  Forza 4 won Best Racing Game although we clearly know Daytona USA should've won.  And thank God NFS: The Runs didn't win either. Also, I really can't help but enjoy the CoD vs. Battlefield war going on.  Did BF3 deserve to the win the award???  Sure they did.  But this just proves how idiotic the game industry has become.

I read an interesting article about the Spike VGAs from Giant Bomb.  TBQH, those guys over there are the only "big" gaming media that doesn't have their heads up their asses.

And one more thing.  The new Xbox Live Dashboard sucks.  Downloaded that bad boy and got hit in the face with a huge Terms of Use agreement.  Just scrolling down from start to finish, it took me 5 minutes to reach the end.  Brilliant, Microsoft, thanks for not releasing a TLDR version cause we gamers love to spend our time reading legal documents rather than blow other players' heads off.  Although I can't decide what's "worse" at this point.  Both make me wanna puke.

Also love seeing the Chuck Norris/World of Warcraft ads every slide.  We know you folks over at Blizzard are tossing and turning at night over your declining numbers in WoW.  And I keep seeing the Kinect in all these TV commercials.  Well, anyone who buys the Kinect is a toolbag, so there you go.  Yowza, I'm on fire tonight!  Suck it down.  Poor Miyamoto, here, from a Sega fan, let me give you a hug.

At least the Broncos won again so you have an uplifting story in Tim Tebow.  Better than reading about the game media, that's for sure.


  1. The Spike VGA's have been stupid right from the get go. If I recall correctly, Madden won game of the year at the first Spike VGA. I nearly shit my pants seeing that live on tv. Just unfuckingbelievable. The 14th Madden? GOTY. Seriously, I gotta stop thinking about this before I self immolate.

  2. Wow, what a surprise. Skyrim, MW3, Forza 4. Who'd have guessed. Would be easier to just send emails to developers of respective games a year before release that they've won an award in a soon-to-be-held ceremony.

    Fact: Skyrim doesn't even deserve any awards or praise. It's a glitchy mess, by far the worst problem is the lag - play for extended period of time and you'll be watching a Skyrim slideshow. This, plus game-breaking glitches and savestate corruption. Bethesda didn't even bother to release a patch fixing most common problems yet, instead they released one that fixes the RARE glitches. This "1.2" patch breaks the game even further - I'm a PS3 player and after updating my savestates got erased and the game freezes twice as often. Other players experienced a number of other problems after patching, so it's not just my PS3 being weird. GOTY and Studio of the Year my ass.

    I'm 100% sure money was involved. Did they even PLAY any of the winning games?!

  3. Regarding the Miyamoto thing, he didn't really mean it. (link) He did this as a "humorous threat" to motivate the younger staff.

    Yeah, the moment I saw a commercial for the very first VGAs, I knew it was going to be crap and I was right. Nothing but marketing patting the back of more marketing.

    Oh, and we get Sonic CD tomorrow woo.

  4. Hi Eric long time no speak. I have finally obtained the Daytona USA 2 article done around the time of the '99 tournament! Let me know if you'd like a look, tbh no new info...only sentimental value for me! :)