Tuesday, October 5, 2010


This is the new theme song for SEGA:

Oh mother, tell your children,
Not to do what I have done.

Spend your lives in sin and misery
In the house of the Rising Sun.

Really, take heed game developers.  If you want to be RICH AND SUCCESSFUL DO NOT do what Sega has done.

DO NOT try to make a good lineup of colorful racing games that take SKILL to play because no one will like it.  Fighting games included (the disaster that is Virtua Fighter when it comes to popularity).

DO NOT try to start your own console with a lineup of quirky, unique games cause you'll get beat down.  The only exception to this rule is Nintendo cause they're friggin Nintendo, that's why.

Speaking of Nintendo, DON'T EVEN BOTHER TRYING TO FIGHT NINTENDO like Sega did.  You will just lose for some reason.  Just give up, Nintendo is God-like and can't be stopped ever and Sega is like dog crap to your shoes.

DO NOT try to pad your already-aged console with expensive peripherals required to play some new games (Sega 32X/CD).  Oh wait, Microsoft is already doing that with the Kinect, God rest their souls.  Ok, this one's deliberately bad so no sarcasm here.

DO NOT TOUCH SONIC WITH A TWENTY FOOT POLE EVER.  Just don't bother.  Being associated with Sonic invokes bad memories of buggy games, woulda-coulda-shoulda gameplay flaws/fixes, market oversaturation, "useless" characters, and furry porn.  Look at Smash Bros: Brawl--it got beat with an ugly stick thanks to Sonic, really.  And Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games?  ROFL

If you're from Japan and you want to make a unique, fun popular game, DO NOT TRUST SEGA.  Take it to Nintendo, Capcom, Square, Konami, ANYONE BUT SEGA.

The only thing Sega is good for is PUBLISHING games.  See The Conduit, Bayonetta, Vanquish, all that crap.  Don't actually have Sega develop the game, remember that!!

Anyway, that's why we go to school to learn HISTORY...to learn WHAT'S GOOD AND WHAT'S BAD so we don't screw up more than once...and Sega is BAD FOR SUCCESS, there you go.


But despite all this we all come back to Sega anyway cause we're just that stupid.  SCREW BEING RICH AND SUCCESSFUL, I'D RATHER DIE ON MY FEET THAN LIVE ON MY KNEES.  TAKE YOUR CRAPPY BILLION-DOLLAR GAMES AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR [Rear End].  Now you know why history repeats itself.

I could go on, but like I said, this is what Sega gets for trying to make some good games--they get dumped on and the only ones who care are a bunch of crazy Dreamcast lunatics.  Pssh.  Not in a good mood today.


Strangely, Sega posts a forecasted profit this financial year, but mostly thanks to pachinko machines.  Sega says in an official statement:

"While the consumer business saw mainly sales of new titles in overseas markets hover at weak volumes, the amusement machine sales business and amusement center operations business are expected to maintain robust operating results."

So yay, Sega.  They get to survive for another year.


  1. I bought my first Dreamcast (with my Daytona 2 prize money) in full knowledge that the machine would end in failure. I remember saying to my friend in early 2000 "I'll give it a year" and my remark proved to painfully accurate.

  2. Lol, before I knew about the Dreamcast's story, I was like "Why is this console dead?" Cause I've been raised on N64, Playstation, stuff that lasted a while. Ugh, Sega is just a love/hate relationship, really.