Thursday, December 30, 2010

I Hate Racing Games

For December 30th only, Sonic games only 50% or more off!  Too late I guess


Ok, well I haven't ripped anything for a while so let's go again.  I talked about Split/Second and Joystiq previously--well guess what, the site's back at it again with this long-winded fanciful narrative about how it's such a great game.  It's also #7 of their Top 10 favorite games of 2010.

Speaking of which, I also watched some YouTube footage of Burnout: Revenge a couple of days ago.  One clip among them stood out to me.  In this clip, a pristine white muscle car (a '69 Camaro or whatever) hit a ramp, flew hundreds of feet, and collided with oncoming traffic, smashing everything to bits.  A $100,000 car trashed in milliseconds as nearby traffic just sits there in awe, apparently.  Oh, and if that wasn't bad enough, a bomb goes off in the car, further decimating nearby traffic.  Honk honk, terrorist attack, drive away!  AND IF THAT WAS BAD ENOUGH, THEN A SECOND BOMB GOES OFF!  That's right, the car EXPLODES TWICE!

So this car's a bomb factory capable of laying waste to everything in its path!  This is Al Qaeda's favorite automobile!  The whole purpose of this mode is to see how much monetary damage you can deal to your environment (apparently, human life has no value seeing as you must've killed at least 20+ people).

You know what, if I wanted to play a game where I destroyed stuff, let's take it to the extreme, shall we?

You know, I'm gonna say this cause the Split/Second article above referred to cars as "attractively molded metal cages."  I'm sick and tired of cars being treated like meat.  Oh this goes WAY back to where I talked about the difference between cars taking damage and being outright demolished.  Like I know Daytona USA 2 is a violent racing game, but in the end, it's you and your baby from start to finish.  You take care of your car!  None of this phony baloney "Look at my instant replay wreck," crap.  This is just dumbing down the racing genre--as if the hyperactive action gamer who plays Halo or God of War needs something he can relate to.

My God, you have no idea how pissed off I get at this stuff.


Oh, and I'm not done!  I'm back to kicking around Fast and the Furious again.  This is the Cruis'n game for the Wii.  Note that this isn't me talking.  Just speed up to 4:30 for the good part!  I don't know why he says the game is "okay" though, that was my least favorite part.

NEWS FLASH TO ALL ASPIRING GAME DEVELOPERS: If there is a noticeable hangup (i.e. freeze or suspended animation) between changing car colors or music, then odds are your game sucks.  Just look at the statistics--clunky interfaces and very long load times are signs of a BAD GAME.

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