Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Sonic Takes One Step Forward & Two Steps Back...

Oh boy, ever have one of those moments when you wake up and proclaim, "My God, I'm a GAMER!"???  Like, dammit, I spend my time on video games and the computer so this is a stupid day for me.  Ok, let me get my head screwed on straight here.


But anyhooo...enjoy this footage of the Sonic Boom event at E3!  Here's some fun YouTube comments I picked out!

* Why are you pandering to the worst fans SEGA?!
* Suddenly the sonic games sucking makes sense. They are making them for retards.
* Well I'm glad this happened on the opposite side of the country from me.
* So this is what it's like to be autistic. .
* I.... I..... I don't know what the f*** did I just watched..... My childhood memories were just raped and tossed to the garbage bin.
* Those segafags are so retarded XDDDD
* These people buy the same games I do? F*** my life.
* Just another reason why I'm a Nintendo fan.

I thought Sonic Boom a more enlightening experience when I first mentioned it, now I'm not so sure.  So it was "stupid," I get the picture.  Hey, go back to E3 and fiddle with your new Wii U controller which I'm sure will please you in many ways.  FYI, I happened to live with someone with autism so don't throw that term around with me.

EDIT: Some people have said that Sega should've spent the time & money on making better Sonic games or localizing Valkyria Chronicles 3.  Really?  This is just a drop in the bucket--it means next to nothing on what
Sega does pertaining to game design.

Oh boy, where have we come as a gaming society?  Nintendo making new controllers that look like iPads with buttons and have silly names.  Microsoft completely pissing away the KinectSony sucking at everything.  And what's Sega doing?  Throwing nerd parties.  Awww, come on!  The frustration builds every day.


Anyway, this is an utterly ridiculous story.  This is on SEGAbits.  Now you know about the game blog 1UP.com, right?  Well, it along with several other sites have a real Sonic problem.  Now you know why I prefer Kotaku & Joystiq.  1UP goes to E3 and pulls a little stunt on the Sega people there.

Click here to see the video (can't embed it).  This is someone named Boss Janine or something like that.  The volume here's awfully low so I transcribed it for you:

LADY: Hey 1UP, I'm gonna ask Mike here a quick question, so uh...this is the new, is it, Sonic game?

GUY: Yep, Mario and Sonic London 2012 Olympic Games, it's the third in the series.  Second time we're in the Summer Olympics.  First time was in Beijing, last time was in the, uh, Winter Olympics in Vancouver and now we're in London.  Coming out with the Olympics next year.

LADY: So, uh, do you have any anti-depressants?

GUY: Anti-depressants?  No I don't.  Why do you--why do you ask?

LADY: Oh, I don't know, just hearing about Mario and Sonic, another Sonic game.  *guy, huh?*  Just hearing about another Sonic game.  *overtalks guy*  I have an overwhelming need for anti-depressants.

GUY: No it's not, it's a Mario and Sonic game...bringing the two back together in an, uh...international Olympic game...atmosphere.

LADY: Okay, well I'm gonna go off to Walgreen's to get that prescription then.

Nice drive-by piece.  I'm surprised "Mike" was able to keep a straight face.  So stupid, not even worth replying to.  TBQH, Mario & Sonic Olympic Games aren't exactly hall-of-famers, if you know what I mean, but they're not abominations upon mankind.  I can think of many, MANY games that are worse than that.  In all honesty, thinking about new Burnout games would make me wish for medication, but I'm not about to break into E3 just to shame a Criterion employee on the Internet.  I'm much classier than that.

 EDIT: Well...if you're a Sonic diehard, this is all you can really say:


I did try looking for some Sonic articles on 1UP and I found one that I seem to stumble upon often: How Sega can Save Sonic the Hedgehog.  It mentions five steps:

1. Only Sonic should be playable.  Other characters have limited appearances or not at all.
2. No more Shadow the Hedgehog.
3. Huge emphasis on running fast with skill involved.
4. Spend more time between game releases.
5. Get rid of "epic" plotlines, focus on just running and saving animals.

Okay, a lot of this is common sense.  I do have a problem with #1 and 5...ever since when did Mario get away with bunches of playable characters and convoluted plots (see Paper Mario series), but when Sonic tries it results in prescription overdoses?  Hold that thought for a sec...

Now here's another 1UP article: How We Would Save Sega.  Oh Good Lord, this can't go over well.  This is the TLDR version:

1. Invest in classic games.  Make use of existing IPs.  Only aged diehards care about Sega's super-old classics so attempt to raise user awareness (Microsoft Game Room, etc.).

2. Take your time with games, have games evolve for the new generation (don't copy-and-paste, try to compete with other titles).  Okay, so Afterburner is bad because it's too niche.  Got it.  But this is worse:

"I'd seize control of Sonic from Japan and pass the next big console game off to some young studio full of the Sonic fans who grew up and are professional game developers now," says 1UP news editor Frank Cifaldi.

Well, hasn't that already happened?  You got Dimps and Sonic Team in America who made multiple Sonic titles.  But isn't he suggesting that Sega go further and completely disown Sonic...?  Well, congratulations, Sega, that would be suicide.  If Sega can't even take care of its #1 franchise, then that's it, just close up and burn the studio to the ground.

And another thing.  They mention that games need to "evolve" and change and become more innovative...but what about the five things that 1UP mentioned above on how to save the Sonic series?  They want to return the series back to Sonic 1 on the Genesis, but here they're asking for all sorts of new crap?  So isn't Sonic basically trapped in limbo here--can't come up with anything new, but can't go back?  Sonic will always be hated for whatever reason--furries, it's not Mario or Zelda, etc... 

3. Worst case scenario: When fanservice fails, press the big red button and nuke the company, come up with new ideas, and work on digital distribution.  Sega needs to make games that are marketable to the whole world in general.  This is what the article has to say: 

Tough as it is to swallow, Sega's drastic cuts and reorganization may prove to be the only medicine that can cure what ails the company. Fanservice and warm nostalgia won't do the deed, and neither will constantly flogging the company's cash cow, Sonic. Sega has to completely rethink how it works.

WE SUCK AGAIN!!  GOODBYE, WORLD!!  Sega becomes a backbencher dev of backbencher devs...thereby becoming completely irrelevant.  Thankfully, this was written a year ago and Sega's been making money recentlyso maybe they won't have to resort to making iPhone/iPad games to get by anymore.

And that's it, I can't take it anymore.  Now I need anti-depression meds.  That's right, I already take them...but I need even MORE THAN EVER CAUSE I'M LOSING IT!!!

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