Saturday, February 5, 2011

Crazy Ass Black Ops Crap

Hmm, today was a funny day.  It was around 9 PM, I was eating a bowl of Kellogg's Raisin Bran cereal with my family (oooo yeah, I like the taste).  Then I decided to go play Rock Band.  Anyway, I'm play regular old Keys (as opposed to Pro Keys) and grinding it out on some in-game achievements so I can increase my number of fans for my band "Elite Krew Goose" (first one to figure out the reference gets a trophy).  Next thing you know it's 1 AM and I was like "oh crap, I played this game for too long."  So no more keyboards for a long time.


But that's not the main story.  As you know, I'm somewhat interested in the Call of Duty series (as is tens of millions of other people, go figure).  They recently came out with this new map pack that my brother bought.  It comes with a new zombie map called Ascension.  Now this is crazy.  It takes place in one of those old Soviet cosmodromes.  It's all gray, your characters are apparently all worn and torn from weeks of zombie killing, generally not very happy.  It's a very big level though with lots of stuff to do.

You'd figure I'd turn off the game cause I don't like dark, depressing games, but at least it's fun so let's give it a try.  Got 23 rounds on solo, 21 with four players.  Not too good but much better than I thought.  Try to beat my score.  Watch out for the space monkeys that come and steal your perks.  Those sons of beotches.

But what's more interesting to me is this secret Easter egg in the map.  Well, there's two actually--a small one and a BIG one.  Let's start with the small one--talking matryoshka dolls of each of the characters.  EDIT: Oh damn, video got taken down..."OH...HI, DEMPSEY!!"  "YOU LOOK JUST LIKE MY SISTER!"

But that's not what's up.  There's a big convoluted Easter egg that somehow players managed to find.  How, I don't know...

Basically, I've followed this before it was "big blog" worthy--you know, before Kotaku and all those folks posted about it.  At the start of the level, there's a guy who mutters "save me" or something like that and you have to "free him" to unlock something.  Now this is probably the best video demonstrating this since it cuts to the chase and doesn't have fifteen minutes of some nerd saying "epic" every five seconds.  Speaking of which, the word "epic" sucks.

A brief interruption--from now on, we're using the term "ACE."  First used in Counter-Strike, it's when one team eliminates the other team without losing anyone (or it could be one player killing everyone on the other team, same thing though, own the other team).  So stop saying "epic" you dummies, "ACE" is where it's at.  But here's the video (WARNING: Some profanity) :

Here's the steps you must do IN ORDER I might add.  You'll receive confirmation from that strange voice for each step you did correctly:

1. There's a shiny box outside the map.  Throw a Gersch device at it to create a "black hole" that sucks in the device.

2. Go up to an old computer and turn it on.

3. Wait for a monkey round to start and have everyone stand by a perk machine (except Quick Revive).  A mysterious button will appear on the walls.  Everyone has to press the buttons simultaneously to move on.

4. There is a clock in the launch pad that will only start ticking unless all four players stand in front of it.  Wait two minutes without anyone moving and then a nuke will go off (regular zombie kind, not MW2 kind) confirming that you did it right.

5. Now a bunch of mysterious letters will start floating in the air.  You have to ride that space shuttle thing in a certain pattern to spell out the word "LUNA."  The video skips over the letters "lun" just to speed things up.

6. Finally, this weird ball of light will appear on the ground next to this shuttle.  You have to throw a Gersch device on it while blasting it with Pack-a-Punched guns and matryoshka doll grenades.  Eventually, the ball will ascend into the air and the game will reward you with Death Machines (miniguns) that last 90 seconds.


Hehe...and that's it.  All of that for some miniguns that'll go away eventually?  Well, people are still theorizing that there's more to this because the characters' quote apparently hint this.  Someone found that the miniguns as well as some batteries throughout this level have the word "Sparky" on it.  Everyone shoots these batteries with the miniguns to unlock the next goal.  Problem is it takes a HELL of a lot of setting up just to get this far into the process for just one shot at it.  And considering how arbitrary this last goal is, I don't think anyone's finding out any time soon.

This is a GameFAQs link of people figuring this stuff out.

This stuff is ACE.  Treyarch is crazy, they love messing with people...  I added a blog label for "Gamer Culture."  Now if you excuse me, it is late and I must go to bed.

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