Monday, August 29, 2011

There's A Warthog In My Forza


Hey guys, did you know PAX happened this weekend?  Yes?  No?  What did they do about games, yada yada yada...  The less said, the better.

Now folks, this is kind of funny.  Forza 4, which is coming out in October, will not have Porsches (boo, get used to RUFs, boys and ladies).  According to Jalopnik, it's Porsche's fault cause Porsche hates video games (although it would be easy to blame Electronic Arts since they're somehow at fault for anything Activision isn't involved with).  But at least RUFs are damn close to Porsches so it's not a total loss....

Ok, so maybe EA is to blame since they like to give the scroogie to everyone else (see the Origin spyware controvery--they're not angels in my eyes).  But why EA doesn't snatch up more big auto makers like Ferrari, Audi, Lamborghini, whatever is beyond me.  I guess cause there's only so much "hate" they can bring upon themselves before they give up...don't want to topple Activision now, do we?  Let them be the punching bag, not us, they say.


But don't fear people!  Forza 4 will have the Warthog from Halo.  I don't know whether or not to be excited or appalled by this (considering Micro$oft has been trying to infuse Halo into practically everything these days).

But oh, don't get your hopes up.  You can't drive the Warthog.  You can only observe it in Forza's Autovista mode, which incorporates the Kinect and allows you to observe it from the perspective of a car show attendee. EDIT: Apparently, in an attempt to divert our attention from the fact that you can't drive the Warthog, they get Jeremy Clarkson of Top Gear to talk about it. Gee, thanks Jeremy, that's great. I love just staring at cars in video games, right?

Is it just me but isn't this typical of the game industry nowadays?  Hey guys, I got a shiny new gadget!  You can walk around in a car show and look at the cars!  It's like you're actually there!  THE FUTURE IS NOW!!!  But does it contribute to gameplay?  In other words, can you drive it?  No.  You can only stare at it.  Kind of like a hot babe you want to go out on a date with but you can't come within 12 feet of her...

I heard from somewhere that the main reason you can't drive it is because it's too slow?  Really?  Did that stop Polyphony Digital from putting the Model T and the Daimler Motor Carriage (top speed: 12 mph) in GT4?

Or maybe it's because of the machine gun on top...but just take it off.  Driving the Warthog in Halo is crap ,really.  It doesn't pan out like a usual racing game.  It's like "driving for noobs"--right joystick aims the camera, hold up and the Warthog immediately steers wherever the camera is facing.  This is opposed to steering with the joystick in traditional racing games (you don't need to stare directly in the way you want to go).  It's also the same way the RC-XD handles in Black Ops and I'm annoyed by that too.

Don't matter...I don't need no stinkin Warthog in my Forza game anyway.  We want Sega cars FIRST AND FOREMOST...  Second would be monster trucks.  And funny cars, 18-wheelers, and school buses loaded with NOS (man, f*** the Veyron and Datsun).  I mean, really now--no Porsches, Warthog isn't driveable--this is what Turn10 needs to do to save this travesty to the series and avoid hitting rock bottom like GT5...
*flips over*

I know this vid's crap but it's the best actual Monster Jam commercial I could find.



  1. Eric, there's two things that immediately come to mind here. First off, Electronic Arts is the evil empire. It's not like EA wants to hold onto the Porsche license as if they were going to make a re-make of "NFS: Porsche Unleashed." Porsche's been in every Forza since the first. And on the Warthog (I have extremely low HALO experience), that's gimmicky to me. That's just foul in regards to Forza 4's car list and the absence of Porsche (I know there's Ruf (or is there?), but come on now).

  2. I edited the post after you made your comment. Yes, I agree that EA sucks big time. We still don't know how involved they are with denying Porsches to Forza. And yes, the Warthog has me completely befuddled, but I figure if the bastards are gonna put the car in the game, AT LEAST MAKE IT DRIVABLE. Gee whiz...